Comments on: accustomed to their perfectness

By: tartlet

tartlet — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 00:49:40 +0000

Thank you for writing this! I’ve been dealing with similar issues in my new marriage (and prior two years of living together). I cannot deny that I put myself in this position – my standards of “clean” and “healthy” are different (superior!) from his, so it because natural that I was the one doing the laundry, and I was the one cooking dinners, and I was the one washing the dishes, and cleaning the bathroom. I’m realizing that I either need to let go some of my own control issues or I will just drive myself crazy.

By: H to the Izzo

H to the Izzo — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 02:14:51 +0000

Thanks for this. I’m not married, but I wonder how much of this goes on in my relationships and it gave me a lot to think about.

By: kc

kc — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 08:32:57 +0000

Heather, I hope that you are always able to let the DL know when you “need a nap”….it is probably the #1 secret to a healthy relationship, and one a lot of people either forget about or don’t have at the beginning. When you lose the ability to take that deep breath and let the resentment out – no matter how stupid it may seem after the fact – that is when the foundation starts to crack.

Everything works out in the end, but it may take a smack upside the head now and then to get to that end…right?

By: Kathy

Kathy — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 03:42:38 +0000

I feel for you; I really do. This post made me think back to when BOTH hubby and I were in grad school, working full time (with jobs that required travel), and trying to keep up with a house. We weren't marred at the time either, so we were planning for that too.

Here's what we did: I only cooked 3, maybe 4 times a week, but made bigger dishes (lasagna, soup, potroast, whatever...) that we ate as leftovers and for lunch during the week. We did go out to eat when it all was just too much to handle, but not often. We were trying to save pennies too.

I planned our meals for the week, made grocery lists, and shopped on Sunday. But even then, it got to a point where I said, "ENOUGH! You're a big, smart man; learn to boil some noodles already!

And that's what we did. I picked out meals that were simple and I knew that he could manage maybe once a week. He got frustrated at times and I walked him through the tough parts. Over time (years), he has gotten much, much better in the cooking dept, and he gets a big kick out of "taking over" in the kitchen every once in a while.

The fact is, we teach people how we want to be treated, and it goes both ways. Utimately, I didn't want to take the role as mommy and he didn't want to feel like he was being shut out from our partnership.

By: Erin

Erin — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 03:32:03 +0000

I haven’t read every comment, but why don’t you pull him into the kitchen to help you. He can chop the vegetables, grab the cutting board, stir something while you grab something else. Along the way he might even pick up some pointers. This way, even though you might still be the head chef, he is helping you out and you guys will be working as a team.