Comments on: guess he’s an xbox and i’m more an atari

By: thisfish

thisfish — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 23:55:05 +0000

Okay, I think I’m going to close comments now. Even in the most well meaning of intentions, the concern is being taken just a little bit too far. So much dread and alarm, even when meant helpfully, is still dread and alarm. Little overwhelming.

Perhaps it needs to be said that I’ve never written about anything in my relationship that I had not already brought up with the Dork Lord. He doesn’t read the blog because he doesn’t want to. It gives me freedom to write without restraint. You don’t get to hear his side, because it’s not his blog. It may also be helpful to note that while yes, things are difficult right now, you’re also looking at a two month period of time surrounding the long, slow death of his dog. And it’s definitely shitty. And we’ll definitely have to fix some stuff.

Anyway, I appreciate very much the helpful advice about counseling, compromise and scheduling – especially from gamers!

By: Megan

Megan — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 23:14:40 +0000

I, too, don’t want to judge or sound rude or anything else negative. But I would also be greatly concerned about the strength of your relationship lately. I remember posts about him being gone all the time at a friend’s house. Figuratively “shutting you out” after the passing of his dog. And now, choosing video games over couple time.
I wonder, how much do you communicate these concerns with him? And do you communicate them before or after you write about them? I’m assuming he HAS to know that you blog, and in being your fiance, if he knows about it, I’m assuming he HAS to read it. (because how odd would it be if he didn’t know, and in knowing, didn’t read? anyway.)
Assuming he reads the blog, I’d then assume you must have communicated such thoughts with him prior to writing, in which case, it would make more sense and provide a bigger picture to your readers if you would share his side too.
Cause otherwise, we’re just left thinking that your relationship really isn’t looking too great right now.
Again, honestly, no judgment. Just concern.

By: Sandra

Sandra — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 21:50:08 +0000

Can I just say that I …don’t get it. I hear the “Oh, yeah, I’m a (fill in the blank) widow too”, and I don’t see how anything that makes you feel like that could possibly be acceptable. No grown man in a relationship that I know of, including my husband, would allow his woman to feel like that. So, I guess I’m saying that no, your expectations are not out of line.

By: Danielle

Danielle — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 21:44:49 +0000

Hey Fish – long time reader here, I don’t think I’ve commented before (maybe once?) But anyway. I just wanted echo the sentiments of other readers that you definitely sound frustrated as of late and I think you’re entitled to be. But I hate the “oh no, trouble now, it can only get worse” kind of warnings. I just wanted to let you know that you don’t have to accept losing your weekends to Black Ops – but it doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed! Things can get better as long as the DL and you are willing to communicate and come to an agreement about how to handle the situation. I don’t buy that every problem in a relationship always gets worse (and that hasn’t been my experience with my fiance, who I’ve been with 4 years and have an 8-month old son with). I mean, isn’t the point of marriage that we make the commitment to grow and learn to become even better partners for one another? I would just bring the problem to him and if he cares for your feelings and respects you, then you two can find a way to fix it.

By: Marylea

Marylea — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 19:12:21 +0000

Does he read your blog? Maybe it would be helpful if he read these comments – somehow opinions sound different when they’re from strangers vs. girlfriend/wife.

I’m married, but not for the first time. I’d say from experience that anything that bothers you now is going to bother you a LOT more a year into marriage. Don’t compromise on something that is important to you. Especially if it is a need vs a want. If you need lots of “us” time to be happy, getting married to someone who refuses to give you that might not be the best option.

My husband would do anything for me & vice versa – and that quality is what makes a marriage work.