My husband has even stronger opinions about it than I do- he thinks it’s an archaic and embarrassing tradition left over from when wives were considered property. I think it would’ve bothered him if I was eager to give up such an intrinsic part of my identity.

Our first baby is due in a few months, and I want him to have his father’s last name. It’s just a preference. If we had a more graceful hyphonated option, I would’ve chosen that.

I’m also sure that what I was (over)reacting to was the….er, limited perspective as much as the curt tone. I mean, majority? Really? It’s not the majority of people. Most of the world doesn’t do it that way. And for a VERY long time, it wasn’t even in the Western European tradition – so what we’re getting our “normal” from is not so long-held a tradition as all that. Maybe the majority of her peer group didn’t give it a second thought, but not my peer group, for sho’. There’s a choice! It’s just narrow minded to say it’s not about independence because it *IS* about giving up your independence if your name means that to you. And defining a family by last name is even narrower. And sad. That got my hackles up.

But furthermore, it boggles the mind that anyone who categorizes what I write about my experience as “whining” would keep reading anyway! Then again, they’re also the kind to announce their exit and then continue reading for years, posting under different names, etc. etc. So, you know.

Disclaimer: Said without any knowledge of Andrea’s previous snarkiness, and in complete support of your last name decision.

If he isn’t willing to consider changing his name, then he should understand why you wouldn’t want to change your name.

I think what is great about the women’s movement is that it gave women a choice. You should have a choice. If you want to take his name- great. If you don’t- great. If he wants to change his name or you both take on a whole new name- great.

You should do what you want.

I kept my name. Our kids will have my husband’s name as a middle name and my name as a last name.

To Andrea’s point, we are still a family. Just because my husband and I don’t share a last name doesn’t make us any less of a family. And frankly, I don’t know which “most of society” you are referring to because the “society” I hang with thinks the woman should have a choice.

Although, my last name encodes a lot of my heritage, which he does not share, and I would feel like I was giving up part of myself to give it up.

Really, I don’t think there is a “wrong” thing to do, so long as *thought* went into the decision, and it wasn’t just a knee-jerk, “this is just the way it’s done” reaction.