Flying monkey weather again today. If this lasts any longer, The Dork Lord is going to come home one evening to find that all the fixtures have been fit out with full spectrum light bulbs – the whole apartment ablaze with light and, me, laid out buck nekkid on the coffee table. Me, I’m a survivor.
On Saturday, the Boy and I have planetarium plans. And I’m disproportionately excited about it. Four dollars, people. That’s all it costs here to catch a show on the dome. I remember the last time Sarah and I shared some planetarium magic, I was forced to live on a steady diet of Marshmallow Mateys and (generic) canned chicken noodle soup. For weeks. But I also remember that it was narrated by a yummy-voiced Robert Redford, and that Sarah and I spent the entire show moony-eyed and drooling, “Mmmm. Spaaaace. Sexy.” I’m betting the four buck version doesn’t have Robert Redford. Maybe someone a little more low rent like, I don’t know, someone from the cast of Charles in Charge. Or Dustin Diamond. Ooh, that would be awkward. But still, four dollars. And I’m poor and therefore far less picky about my voice overs.
Speaking of voice overs: the other evening, the Boy and I were sacked out on the couch watching some naturey program about blue whales having illegitimate babies with finn whales and the moment that show came on, my P.I. radar went off.
“Is that Magnum? Oooh, Tom Selleck wants to tell me about whales. I’m in!”
“That’s not Magnum. It’s some old guy.”
“Click the info button.”
“It’s not Tom Selleck.”
“Hit the button!”
Vindication. Sure, he’s sounding a little older (he’s sixty something, for heaven’s sake), but baby knows her Magnum. I dream of those jogging shorts every night.
Fast forward to last night when my ears perked up during the crazy starfish episode of Planet Earth.
“Is that Ripley?”
“You mean Sigourney Weaver?” the Boy laughed. I gave him a face that said, you heard me. RIPLEY. After he’d forced me to sit through Aliens, Ripley and I were well acquainted.
“I’m not sure. But I’m not really in a position to challenge you on voices.”
I confirmed my suspicions with the cable guide, laughed and said I liked how this was going. If all goes according to plan, it won’t be long before he’s not in a position to challenge me on much at all. Total domination! Because that is how all healthy relationships operate.
Hey, if you can’t (Dork)lord it over your S.O., who CAN you lord it over?
I must say that I, too, have a discerning ear for voiceovers. i can usually identify the voice. Unfortunately, no one cares but me.
Sigh.
You might like knowing that Tom lives in my neighborhood, and I have never seen him without the shorts. No joke.
I sometimes see his daughter at Starbucks as well. Very pretty. I was ordering coffee once, and she was standing behind me, and I swear, I had to repeat my order THREE TIMES, the guy was so taken with her.
Love yer blog.
Pamela
Ooh careful careful! You might hurt one of Steve Harvey’s Three Ps. Pride, maybe? Or pomposity? Snort! Not that I’m suggesting the Dork Lord has an ego. (In fact, I’m sure he’s not at all like a “regular” guy if he’s good enough to be with you, lucky Fish
Meanwhile, buck nekked on the coffee table! Yowza 
Hmmm – I see Fish and Pamela Schott becoming fast friends here soon!
I’m with you – total domination! (Unless he’s the one dominating, of course!)
I LOVE playing the name that voice game. I’ll go ahead and toot my horn – toot toot – I’m good!! It should be shameful to gloat but I can’t help myself. My favorite voice is Ralph Fiennes, Mmmmmmmm
I covered most of a drive through New Mexico listening to Campbell Scott read a book on tape so I could tell it was him doing one of those “we’re an oil company but don’t hate us” commercials about the $5 they invest in alternative fuels or whatever. And to think, the crush I had on him after Singles back in the 90s.
Ooh, Magnumm P.I. I just finished watching all 8 seasons of Magnum this week on Netflix instant play. My only regret was that they didn’t have all episodes online and I only have the 1-at-time plan so it will take me a long time to get through the episodes on disc. On the other hand, that means I get to stretch it out.
That’s a fascinating talent you have by the way and I am sure the dork lord appreciates it deeply even if he doesn’t come out and say it.
http://venusreinvented.blogspot.com
yes! guessing celebrity voicovers is one of my specialties-with- no-practical-application, too!
Related: if you and D.L. love the science you should see if Neil deGrasse Tyson is coming to your area on his book tour. I just saw him speak and it was probably the most engaging science lessons of my life. He’s so nerd/charasmatic!
Show them no mercy. They are just boys, after all…
I kinda wish you had an email through this site…I’ve read this on and off for a few years and 2 days ago I decided to start reading from the beginning…it’s scary. The situation you were in with “J” is so similar to the one I’m in with my boyfriend. He never seems to know what he wants. Every few months it’s this roller coaster of “lets live separately” and then when the weekend rolls around, there’s always some excuse not to. Granted, we haven’t broken up so there aren’t any other women involved, but I kind of feel like I imagine you did in your neverland post. I was just sitting down there with all of our friends, annoyed because he’s been short with me all night, and thinking about taking some clothes and retreating to my parents house for a few days and I don’t know why of all the things I do, I come here and tell you (someone I have never even met) all of this, but I was sitting in the recliner and I just felt like you might have with all those lost boys. Ironically, he actually has called himself “lost boy.”
I guess waiting for happy endings where they don’t seem likely isn’t the smartest idea…
I totally do this with my boy! You gotta do have bets though. I’ve won so many boxes of pop tarts that way.
The Planet Earth DVDs give you the option of Sigourney or Pierce (pierce!) Brosnan narrating.
The trickier voices to identify are the celebrity commercial voiceovers. Like Gene Hackman for Lowe’s. Dennis Leary for Chevy trucks. (Or is it Ford?) Jeremy Sisto does one, and Zack Braff.
My personal all time favorite celebrity commercial isn’t a voiceOVER, so I suppose it’s off-topic. But isn’t it to hoot that glamorpuss Charlize Theron does her best runway walk for that fiber supplement? Bulk is sexy again!!
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