Was thwarted by J in my attempt to leave DVD at home. Clever bastard picked me up. Came in to make acquaintence of Reluctant Kitten, walked right over to bookcase and retrieved movie. Curses!
Am far too tired to neurotically dissect J-standing these days. Was calm event. Watched favorite movie, J got stoned. Normal "us" things. Feel v. strange ambivalence towards J as of late. Is product of his, am certain. Am just tired of not getting what I want, if am going to be honest. Am reasonably attractive fish. (Above average in most but cleavage department. Have reconciled self to that.)
Am used to winning over desired bicycle (and then not wanting it -- is illness, I know)... and J is just not obliging.
Would be much easier being in relationship where am adored by bicycle. Or at least noticed. Used to catch J looking at me for no reason. Now, barely get his attention at all. Used to wonder if maybe gaining/losing weight caused shift in attraction factor. But must admit, J has simply changed his mind. Suppose should just accept unfortunate metamorphosis and move on. Will eventually.
But not yet.