This Fish Needs A Bicycle

platonic bombs

Standing at convenience store counter, watching young, Sparkly-Eyed Italian fill plastic bags with cheap kitten food (George Harrison has ceased pleas for Science Diet), anit-bacterial house cleaner, half dozen Lean Cuisine and pint of Ben & Jerrys, and came to sudden and horrible realization that, without realizing it, had become... that girl. Blasted pitiful stereotype of feminine singledom! Sparkly Eyed Italian recognized it, too. Could see it between sparkles ... that, "girl at counter must be single, talks to cat, keeps neat, tidy cupboards and never cooks; Is in love with two men on cardboard ice cream container and will die alone" look of pity. Felt like standing on counter and making announcement of all non-pathetic qualities possessed by yours truly, returning ice cream to deep freeze and running from store.

Only thing keeping self from thrusting head in oven was declaration of love from Reluctant Kitten who had decided Kitten-Mother was in need of grooming. Was v. v. sweet. See? Am not in love with two men on carboard ice cream container... am in love with Reluctant Kitten. Less pathetic? Harldy.

Fact that forgot to rinse conditioner from hair this morning only adding to desire to crawl into v. comfy bed for remainder of week and watch pathetic, single gal movies. However, am having drinks with J after work, and thus cannot retreat to downy sanctuary. What to do with greasy hair...

Am remembering last attempt at platonic-drink-getting with J (failed horribly at platonic part, am ashamed to say), and Concerned Roommate stepped in:

CR: Don't go.
H: Don't go? Why not? To make some sort of statement??
CR: It's my job to say those things, and your job to ignore me. It's called friendship. I know you'll go...
H: It's true. If you didn't say that, you'd be a bad friend. And if I didn't go, I'd be... well, I'd be anyone but... me. Ha!
CR: Yep...it's a timeless ritual... I bet it started in Greece.

Posted by This Fish at September 25, 2002 10:48 AM