Am not a huge fan of the 8-5 gig, but seems there is nothing better to bring self back to earth than work. Deadlines being excellent reason to focus thoughts on something other than v. strange emotional void from parental psychosis and irresponsible weekend behaviors.
Had v. difficult conversation with NACF as well.
H: Hi, Daddy.
NACF: Hi, Trouble. What's up?
H: I know you think I'm mad at you, over the whole mess...
NACF: Well, you know I wouldn't blame...
H: No, listen. I'm not mad and I want you to know I love you.
NACF: (crying) I love you, too. I guess I just have to find my own way now.
H: (crying) Ok, Daddy, my friends are waiting. I have to go. I just wanted you to know I love you.
NACF: Love you too, Munchkin. Bye.
Felt so hollow and cold and as though heart would stop beating if I didn't concentrate on making it work. Picked up phone to call J, but as he had left short time before, knew he would either be in car or noisy restaurant with friends, felt it best to get on with evening as scheduled. Got hastily dolled-up and went to house party.
House party produced v. attractive guest who accompanied small group of us to dance-floor equipped local bar. Was fortunately crowded dance floor and was thus able to dance v. closely with said guest and feel v. nicely equipped physique. Arms. Chest. Back. Nice. V. nice indeed. Shame was when became separate at night's end. Was like Cinderella disappearing without leaving behind glass slipper. All is well, though, as have already made contact with common friend and made clever comment to keep my name in circulation. Also left new cell number. Am sneaky gal, indeed.
After leaving the bar, behavior went from party mode to self-destruct mode. Though Concerned Roommate is full of assurance that seeking physical contact to fill gaping emotional void is v. normal, am not feeling good about taking that walk of shame early Sunday morning. Not good at all. Have never wanted to be normal. Something v. unattractive about being normal. Ordinary. Common. Base.
Unattractive indeed.