Break-through conversation with v. Wise and Lovely E-Pal:
H: Why am I so ridiculous? WHY? Because J is HOT? What kind of reason is that?
WLE: No... it's not due to hotness. You're invested. And you know deep-down he is a great guy.
H: I know, I know. But it's so v. awful.
Was whimpering over margaritas last night about this very thing. J, for all fuckwit, idiot tendencies is just too important to this silly gal. More important than breathing, it seems. Give up J... give up breathing. No two ways about it. How did this happen? Is unprecedented, really.
H: This has never happened before. Am usually so selfish.
WLE: Maybe this recently-discovered side of yourself is also something you like... Which you can attribute to J.
H: Oh my god, you're good. WLE, the therapist.
Perhaps this sad, inability to part with most recent un-boyfriend has nothing to do with fact that J is gorgeous, or funny, or generous, but fact that makes yours truly feel all of above things. J does make me the best version of me. Most well balanced (perhaps not sane, though), sensitive and unselfish have ever been. Am horribly frightened that if were to give J up, would never feel quite right again. Sigh.
God love the Wise and Lovely E-Pals of the world. Indeed.