Am feeling indignant.
While of course, love Concerned Roommate v. much, am feeling somewhat aggravated over current situation.
CR and boyfriend have recently broken up (and though they break up, or come close to breaking up about once a month, am fairly certain this is more of a permanent situation), and CR is going through completely justifiable sad spell. Not unlike sad spell that went through after final J good-bye. Am usually perfectly accommodating to moping, mourning and all things break-up related, and happy to join in Ben and Jerry’s healing therapy. But right now, am feeling too indignant to be much support.
Throughout J relationship, CR was not shy about expressing just how unhealthy said non-relationship was. Knew this to be true, and acknowledged it, but certainly didn’t like hearing it. No one really likes the truth. And when yours truly went through J-mourning phase, attempted to refrain from too much moping. In return, received snide remark from CR about sleeping too much. Didn’t say anything at the time, but if am correct, when pathetic little heart was broken in a zillion pieces, became v. busy. Had social engagement of some sort every night for weeks. (And yes, Reality Television counts as social engagement.) If did any feeling sorry for self, did it in writing.
Now, CR and boyfriend had tumultuous time. Boyfriend always too busy, probably spent one day a week doing boyfriend things. CR had the title, but not his time. Their relationship was just as much of a non-relationship as mine and J’s. And certainly not any more healthy. And so, in conversation last night, CR’s offhanded, casual dismissal of the non-break up, as though were not as legitimate as her current state of affairs snapped something in my Roommate Support System. And am no longer feeling supportive. And am well aware that it is not CR’s fault. Is own stinking pride. But, well, can’t help that.
Am feeling indignant. And do not like it one bit.
Seems as though CR's lack of sympathy is merely... catchy. Don't feel too badly for being human.
I suppose she'll really be bummed when exposed to all the weekend revelry that shall be taking place right under her nose... pity.
Give yourself a hug from moi. xoxoxo
Posted by: Ari at April 9, 2003 10:26 AMWhen the shoe's on the other foot, it might feel different but it's the same shoe. We've all worn it and it sucks. Some barefoot time is usually just what the doctor ordered.
In the meantime, maybe you and CR will grow closer out of this. You might have to be the bigger person about it, continuing to let her little insults roll off your back. But that's what friends are for.
Posted by: Texas T-bone at April 9, 2003 10:33 AMBe indignant with your bad self. It would seem that as wonderful as CR is, she didn't give your "relationship" with J the respect it deserved. You could drop a load of honesty on her, too, if you wanted to. Maybe you should start by saying "You once said X about J and I, but X is also true about you and the ex..." It's always good to introduce your own "flaws" first. Then clobber her.
Posted by: Michael at April 9, 2003 10:56 AMI will not clobber her! I have done my fair share of snipping...
Posted by: Fish at April 9, 2003 10:57 AMWhoops. Or maybe you could be the bigger person. My bad. :D heh heh!
Posted by: Michael at April 9, 2003 10:57 AMYes. Agreed. Clobbering will get you nowhere. CR will mope and snip until moping and snipping is done. And then will give you lots of love for being able to put up with her and support her while she was feeling so bad. Choosing your battles is a wise thing. You can snip to us instead. I hope that didn't fall under the category of unsolicited advice. :-)
Posted by: michybrit at April 9, 2003 11:26 AMDoes this warrant changing the name from "CR" to "UCR" (as in 'unconcerned') ?
Posted by: Brooke at April 9, 2003 11:32 AMSeems like someone just cant stop thinking about themselves. Maybe should give CR roommate a little more sympathy. "Sleep" comment seems like it was out of genuine concern. Stop your selfish indignance.
Posted by: eikc at April 9, 2003 11:40 AMFirst of all, "Indignance" is not a word. Look it up. Go ahead.
Second of all, I SAID it was my own pride involved here. And everyone here knows I'm self involved.
And finally, CR HAS my sympathy (did you read anything???). Doesn't mean I can't be irritated with how she reacted to me in the same situation.
Nothing wrong with the occasional use of a non-word to get your point across. I guess I should have said, stop being such a selfish loser.
Posted by: eikc at April 9, 2003 12:21 PMUh-oh. Sour Commenter Alert! Here we go again.
Fish doesn't need our defense, but I'll say one reason I read her blog is her self-absorption. It's enlightening, endearing and often entertaining. Respect the Advice Free Zone 'cause that's what she wants.
Good grief, blogging is all about self-absorption and having a personal outlet. Mine is certainly all about ME and MY thoughts.
Posted by: Texas T-bone at April 9, 2003 12:38 PMSeriously. I suppose I could start writing about how everyone else feels... but that would take some surveys and such. Who has time for that? Besides, if I get it out here, I won't be a bitch when I go home.
Posted by: Fish at April 9, 2003 12:41 PMFish, I hope things are better for both of you soon. Maybe CR will snap to rather quickly, as you did. I hope she is on the road to a rapid recovery from the breakup. In the mean time, (to echo michybrit) by all means, snip freely.
Posted by: windowsill wendy at April 9, 2003 12:51 PMuh, it IS roommate's fault, and not pride on your part at all. you're supposed to be supportive while she dismisses YOUR feelings? later. MUCH later.
i wonder if you could tell her you don't appreciate how she's addressed your situation...some people you can talk to about that kind of thing, some people just get defensive and deny everything.*sigh* oh well, what are you gonna do. but i'd be running pretty low on sympathy too. don't blame you one friggin little bit.
oh, and who is this eikc, who doesn't even know her or you or any of the whole situation, but still resorts to name-calling. and can't spell for shit, either.
oh, and i just read the other posts here. i have to say that many times in the past i've tried to be the "bigger person" but what it really ended up being, was me, making someone else's feelings more important than my own. there's a point where if someone hurts or dismisses you, you have to stand up for yourself and and not take it anymore. only you know where your roommate is really coming from on all this, whether she's just going through a funk and sniping, or whether this is the attitude she always takes about your situations. be true to yourself i guess is what i'm saying. you're doing great so far, just don't beat yourself up about things so much!
Posted by: lolana at April 9, 2003 01:13 PMMichael: good one. i think ari and jane should clobber her over the weekend. then fish might be able to sweep these scraps under the rug.
Fish: apparently you have time for surveys. or "applications" at least. hows that coming along?
eikc: *ahem* yeah, selfish losers suck. *cough*
CR: get some sleep.
Posted by: hubs at April 9, 2003 01:34 PMBAH. unless you have a blog that we can scrutinize, STFU eikc.
the whole idea of a blog is "all me, all the time!!!!" "my life, staring me!"
and thats why I like Fish. Her one woman show rocks.
Posted by: snarky at April 9, 2003 01:56 PMHell, Fish rocks in general.
Posted by: Frankenstein at April 9, 2003 02:34 PMyeah, yeah! fish rocks! this is HER site. these are HER feelings! damn valid ones, too.
enjoy the "indignance"!
there seems to be a lot of advice getting tossed around the AFZ lately...
hope things work out. I hate have roommate issues, but yours don't seem too bad. try having a roommate that openly states his belief that aids is liberal hype because he's never met anyone who has it.
*shudder*
Posted by: mark at April 9, 2003 03:03 PMWell, I think that the breakup that you've struggled with so valiantly is much more difficult than the garden variety, "titled" kind. The reason is, it's even harder to get a break from others and from yourself for feeling like a sadsack wreck when you weren't "official". You didn't get the kind of validation your feelings for J deserved, so it's easy to give yourself a hard time for having them. I think you're doing a great job. (look at CR, for instance...)
Posted by: shelley at April 9, 2003 03:19 PMSorry to have bothered you with the comments. I didn't realize that the comments were reserved for those who are 100% in agreement with you. A fine way to validate your feelings. Please continue...
-eikc
Comments are for those who have something to add. I don't care if you disagree with me, but guess what? YOU came to ME. Not the other way around. I didn't hunt you down to vent to you. This is MY page, and of COURSE it's about my feelings.
I'm fine with you not agreeing, I'm even fine with you calling me a loser. But leave a real email address, you fucking coward.
Posted by: Fish at April 9, 2003 04:22 PMummm, fish, yeah you do care.
Posted by: hubs at April 9, 2003 05:39 PMThere is a big difference between disagreeing with someone and viciously insulting them for no apparent reason. Some people out there (including, it seems, eick/trew) just like to insult, which in the end only reflects that person's own crap-idity (if non-words are the best choice...).
Posted by: Mia B. at April 9, 2003 06:22 PMyeah, there's a difference between disagreeing and calling someone a "selfish loser." puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.
Posted by: lolana at April 10, 2003 12:27 AMWell, I think it's really nice of you to be supportive of her time of need, but I can understand why you'd be bitter. Maybe you can just slip in some not-so-subtle references like, "Yeah, I know how you feel... When I went through the same thing with J. this how I coped." In any case, it sounds like you've done more than your share, considering.
Posted by: Bob at April 10, 2003 02:25 AMI truly admire your being able to muster up support for CR as best you can. I always try to refrain from commenting to the people I know about their relationships, because I sure as hell don't need them commenting on my messed up life.
I know how unhealthy non-relationships are, I have my own. But I also know smoking, too much alcohol, excessive fattening foods, lack of exercise, etc aren’t healthy either...doesn't seem to stop me or others. I say to each their own!
You're entitled to your bitterness fish, and are truly the bigger person for offering your support as best you can. Keep swimmin'!!!
I'm NOT the bigger person! I know what I'm feeling is petty. But that doesn't mean I can't be honest and say it. I don't think there's any point to having this blog if I can't be honest.
Posted by: Fish at April 10, 2003 09:23 AMI apologize if I have offended you. I hope you continue your honesty, and I think everyone is entitled to his/her feelings. Thats what makes them ones OWN feelings.
Posted by: Drowning FIsh at April 10, 2003 09:34 AMI'm not offended. I just don't want people thinking my roommate is a bad person. She isn't. She's the best of. But, well, we all do careless things. And I, I do petty things.
Posted by: Fish at April 10, 2003 09:44 AMI think you should sell t-shirts that say "indignance" on them. Then we could spot each other across the country and when we did, we'd all have a good laugh at that word.
Posted by: Michael at April 10, 2003 10:50 AMguess what you get when you remove the E from eick? ick has too much time on hands and a lightbulb that needs changing. the trouble with writing on-line is the constant projection by others. it's difficult to be "honest" and feel comfortable, I find.