This Fish Needs A Bicycle

sports nut

I am hardly what you'd call a sports fan.

I'll nod blankly as you talk stats, argue about trades and blah blah blah about your fantasy football/baseball/hockey leagues because basically, I just don't care. There are, however, three notable exceptions to my sports apathy:

Post-season baseball
Discussions revolving around illiterate, power-house basketball players who take $18 million dollar pay-cuts to play for the Lakers
and
Sunday afternoon football

Sunday afternoons, I get to pad across the street in flip flops, jeans and an ex-boyfriend-sized t-shirt to eat some meat, have a drink and cuss at the 54" inch screen with a handful of true, dyed-in-the-wool sports fans. I'll never exactly be one of them, but that's really okay. I bring balance to the event. They'll say something about Tom Brady looking better this game, and I have to agree. They're talking passing yards or something, and I mean his haircut. I know. I'm such a girl.

Anyway, today's afternoon was even better than expected. Before the game even started, the Resident Sports Fanatic pulled out a wad of bills.

RSF: H, twenties, fifties or hundreds?
H: Uh...
RSF: Twenties, fifties or hundreds? C'mon, it's an easy question.
H: Twenties. What the hell are you talking about?
RSF: I owe you money.

He then proceded to hand me a sizeable amount of cash -- in twenties as requested. It took me a second, but then I remembered. Yeah, he owed me some money... for stuffing envelopes for his dad's company one night. It was two hours worth of mindless work, paid for, I thought when he bought me dinner. I didn't need to count the cash to see I was being way overpaid for the job. I mean, some lawyers don't make the bank he just handed me.

H: I don't think I earned this much.
RSF: Well, that's how much I'm paying you.
H: Consider me done arguing.

I'd say I don't know what to do with the cash, but that's hardly true. For starters, a manicure, pedicure, trip to the aesthetician (read: pain-filled wax experience) might top the list.

Or I could save it.

I can't believe I just typed that with a straight face.

Posted by This Fish at November 30, 2003 05:43 PM