This morning, one of the Monkey Firm's Vice Presidents stopped me in the hallway and pulled me into a conference room.
VP: Are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.
H: I dunno. I might.
VP: I’m a little worried that if things don’t change soon, you’ll leave.
H: I don’t know if I can keep it up. That woman is a roadblock, Chris. I can’t get anything done. I’m just so frustrated all the time. I used to be so good at my job!
VP: I know. I had hoped that this new management move would open up opportunities that I think you really deserved. When you told me what was going on, I listend, but I didn't get it until this morning when I had a meeting with her myself. And I just want you to know I talked to {insert name of Director of Ops here} about your situation.
H: What?! But…
VP: Listen, you might not want to rock the boat, but I don’t want you to leave. And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out you’re about to.
Two hours later, Very Kind Higher Up called and asked me to stop by his office.
VKHU: I wanted to talk to you, H. I noticed you haven’t really been yourself for the last while.
H: I’m sorry – I’m just a little bit tired. Don’t worry, though, I'm staying tonight to get those layouts done. If I get them plotted now…
VKHU: Hold on! This has never been an issue of your work ethic! You have to know how much I appreciate everything, and I know we’re treading on thin ice with you. I just have to ask you to be patient while things change and settle after this flux. It will get better, I promise.
After leaving work, J came to my office to pick up the press kit. Without meaning to be, I was very curt with him.
J: I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I have to tell ya, this person you are being right now is not you. You've always been this presence to me. A… light. I dunno, maybe I can’t articulate it very well. And I know that I never let you know just how really amazing you are...but I felt like you glowed in a way, like you had this light inside that made everything else better. And right now, it’s missing. I’m not saying you’ve lost it, but it’s missing. This workaholic thing – what are you doing? You’re a free spirit, not some office schmoe. It’s closing you off.
So I heard wait, wait, and get the hell out! Honestly, I don’t know what to do. But I do know one thing for certain.
I want my light back.
I didn't even know I'd lost it. But I want it back.
Posted by This Fish at December 4, 2003 09:56 PMaw. wishing you the best and may you find your light back. :)
i enjoyed your style of writing. keep it up.
Posted by: mighty maloney at December 4, 2003 10:25 PMDéjà vu... I ended up leaving b/c they weren't able to do anything serious about my {insert name of managing editor here} but talk about it over and over. It was changing me and making me angry all the time. I left.
Good luck either way.
PS: meaning #2, http://sedition.com/ddx/w/184.html
Posted by: APV at December 4, 2003 11:32 PMwow, that was quite the compliment from j. it's always nice to know how hghly other people think of you when you're in the midst of difficult times.
Posted by: michelle at December 5, 2003 03:06 AMI am adding the word "asstastic" to both my vocabulary and dictionary as of right this moment....asstastic, asstastic, asstastic...imbedded forever...do I owe royalties?
Posted by: quietwriter at December 5, 2003 08:17 AMi dont think j has the right to espouse anything about your soul or personality anymore.
maybe you wont have to quit cos theyll give you a huge raise?
Posted by: chevy at December 5, 2003 09:26 AMHi Chev!
You know, they offered that. But I don't want the money nearly as much as I want to like my job again.
totally fair.
liking your job is so much more important than money.
What job doesn't suck and not allow for professional development? Watch a few episodes of "Friends" from the early days to see what I mean.
How long was Rachel a waitress? Chandler in a cubicle? Joey without work? Monica unemployed?
Posted by: Warren at December 5, 2003 12:04 PMIndeed. There are so many lessons we can learn from Friends. The most important is, don't watch Friends for career advice!
I must be a terrible cynic, 'cause J sounds like that kid in the DVD cam ad. "You are my shining star."
Posted by: Gopi at December 5, 2003 12:14 PMJ was never one to be overly sentimental or high on praise... but lately, he's been Mr. Mushy. Mighta been nice back in the day, but now, it doesn't mean too much!
Posted by: Fish at December 5, 2003 01:03 PMCould be that you can take both comments as the same - an acknowledgment that things aren't right, but the PTB recognize the problem and are hoping in a little time it can be fixed. And your light switch will flip back on. At least you have the cold comfort that at a minimum your problem has been conceded to. They may not fix it in the end -- but you can realistically hope for now!
Posted by: bendy at December 5, 2003 04:22 PM