I came home from work last night, walked down my swept hall, through my tidy kitchen, dropping bills and my purse on the clean table. I went into my room, sat in the middle of my perfectly-made bed, and cried, for no good reason at all.
Mostly because I felt like a complete mess.
S had thought I needed honesty. And so, over a glass of wine, offered a few tidbits.
Tidbit #1
S: You know what your problem is?
H: *whimper* Fire away.
S: You're too fucking polite, Miss Texas.
H: See, and here I was under the delusion that 'polite' was a good thing.
Tidbit #2
S: I'll be honest. When I first met you, I thought you were... Well, let's just say that I didn't think you were as smart as you are.
H: Because of how I look?
S: It was very small minded of me, I know. But yes.
I walked home from the bar, brooding. Until Trip called.
Trip had thought I needed endorphines. He picked me up and took me to the gym, where I set the treadmill on a eight-minute mile and ran my guts out. I got some endorphines, and on the way home, some groceries. And then I went back to the house and cried. Until the RSF called.
The RSF had thought I needed down time and some THC. I don't smoke much anymore. Especially not during the week. But as it seems to work more like Tylenol PM on steroids, I figured, it should do the trick. RSF provided some green goodness, a gift from his latest travels -- Ghiradelli chocolates -- and a listening ear. I went back home, full of milk chocolate and kindness, crawled into bed and cried some more.
I didn't need honesty, endorphines or chocolate. Or maybe I did. But I still feel like a needy, mushy mess. I'd go back to bed and cry some more, if I thought it would accomplish anything. Instead, I'm going to make my bed, dry my hair and go contribute to the Gross National Product.
Mostly because I don't know what else to do.
Posted by This Fish at January 28, 2004 08:21 AMSometimes what you need to do is have a good cry.
Posted by: Gopi at January 28, 2004 11:09 AMI have been feeling this way lately, too. I think it's this weather. It gets a girl down.
Posted by: Amber at January 28, 2004 11:52 AMHang in there. Crying it all out is hella lot better than holding it in.
Posted by: akaria at January 28, 2004 12:10 PMcrying for no reason ain't all that bad. it's when you think there is a reason, but don't know what it is, when things get hard.
Posted by: hubs at January 28, 2004 12:44 PMit is the weather, for sure, and think of it like this: a good cry will warm you up!? anyway, i know you say you don't need honesty, but maybe it is that you are not getting enough honesty, or maybe not even the right kind. i think you are sooo fun, that i added you to my link list as fish!!! with exclaimation points b/c you are lots of fun! :)
Posted by: london at January 28, 2004 04:25 PM*hug*
Posted by: Neighbour of the Beast at January 28, 2004 05:58 PMI've been doing that a lot lately. *hugs*
Posted by: autumleaph at January 28, 2004 08:51 PMWeather's bad all over. I know how you feel.
Posted by: Brenda at January 28, 2004 09:08 PMhey, just wanted to tell you that i really like your writing. sorry to hear you had a tough day, hope tomorrow is surpringly awesome. because that's the best kind.
Posted by: cameron at January 29, 2004 01:40 AM