Mother may I?
Yes, I may.
Turns out (as I suspected) that the ER Doc was something of a quack. I'd thought as much when, even before examining me, he was positive that all signs pointed to appendicitis. You'll remember that I don't have an appendix. New Doctor was very kind and told me that not only is my situation not an abnormality, one third of all women are so anatomically constructed.
A buncha pricks
The biopsy went as expected. Painful beyond all reason, of course, but indicative of yet another false alarm. I'm fine. If sore as hell is fine. I swear to God, if you bump into my left breast any time soon, I'll rip your throat out and feed it to you. Got it?
Unlike past physicians, New Doctor (who is, if nothing, very thorough) has his heart set on figuring out exactly why I have this recurring nightmare. Early blood tests showed an elevated white blood cell count. That, combined with The Lump and swollen lymph glands had him concerned. So, today, it was back to the lab. For a girl who has an unparalleled fear of needles, I have to say I was one tough cookie. Not only did I sit through several vials of blood-letting without wincing, but I watched the biopsy. WATCHED the needle go in. Me. I did.
Those in the know are now looking at their monitors in disbelief.
Unless blood tests come back with any shocking revelations, New Doctor is operating under the assumption the cause is hormonal and prescribed for a lower-dosage estrogen birth control. Know what that means, kiddies? Mmm hmm.... for the next few weeks, it'll be Emo City 'round these parts. In other words, business as usual. *ba dum bum ching!*
Okay, okay, I know you're bored with all this girly doctor stuff, but we're moving on from my boobs to Janet's now so, relax.
Tit for tat
Accidental my ass! Janet may have looked a wee bit shocked but Justin didn't. So Brit kissed Madonna. Justin showed us all Janet's pastie-covered breast. I for one wasn't shocked. Should I have been? MTV may have pissed off the NFL, but we're all talking about it this morning so, you know what they say about ends and means. As far as marketing ploys go, this is hardly a new trick. And we know MTV is an old dog.
Down boy.
So glad to hear that--about everything!
Re. the "big reveal"--totally planned, totally great. Laughing at NBC's apology.
Posted by: polichick at February 2, 2004 12:58 PMThis just in...
Upon further investigation into the infamous boobie episode it was found to not be a pasty but none other then what looks like a chinese star weapon attached to her said nipple. This reporter only has one word to say and will say it loundly, OUCH!
: Way to be brave Fish, my thoughts are with you and your breast, lol ;)
Posted by: Iferlynn at February 2, 2004 01:11 PMWasn't pasty-covered. That was a nipple shield, with full nipple hanging out. Gross gross gross. Emmie has a shot (for the brave) here: http://www.idontthink.com/archives/000743.php
Posted by: Anne at February 2, 2004 01:27 PMCBS and the NFL have apologized for Janet's boob. I'm still waiting for them to apologize for the lame-ass halftime show. And while I'm not waiting for it, I'd happily accept an apology for the Patriots' win. Grrr.
Posted by: Lex at February 2, 2004 01:39 PMsweet mother.... I stand corrected! I still think it was on purpose.
Posted by: Fish at February 2, 2004 01:39 PMfish, i'm so glad everything is okay! (so far). you're very brave. go you.
Posted by: julia at February 2, 2004 02:40 PMno pasty....and not very nice to look at...although i tend to prefer such things (boobs,not tit weapons, that is)...better picture on Drudge, if interested
http://www.drudgereport.com/mattjj.htm
scroll down
Posted by: perker17 at February 2, 2004 02:52 PMla phew! so good to hear that news!
Posted by: mingaling at February 2, 2004 02:57 PMNow all you need is one of these t-shirts.
Glad to hear that everything's OK.
Posted by: Frankenstein at February 2, 2004 03:40 PMfish, i just looked at above link. you simply must have one.
someone buy her one. i would, but i'm a poor teacher in rural mississippi.
Posted by: lizzie at February 2, 2004 04:02 PMI'm with lex (but only halfway - go pats!) - how about an apology from p.diddy for resurrecting "hey mickey?" I know he's all about stealing 80's pop hits, but that's pathetic.
re. your medical problems, I get all up-in-arms about the paranoia & scare tactics that "they" (doctors? drug co's? I don't know who's really behind it) employ to have us get tested & drugged for every small abnormality, at the expense of our sanity. it would be nice to hear sometimes that there's not always a catastrophic emergency between every lump/pain/flu/etc.
Posted by: erin at February 2, 2004 04:18 PManother reason never to watch football. So sorry you had to endure a freaking biopsy. There should be anaesthetics for those...seriously. In this age no one should suffer in an operation, no matter how "lite." Anyhow, the benign lumps - never mind the malignant ones - can be caused by diet. Icecream - that devil - is loaded with saturated fat of the worst kind for women, especially, so if you're eating more than a pint a month, you might want to check that. Also, Monsanto is an evil company that supplies cancer-causing growth hormones to farmers for their cows. What you want to know is Canada has banned the hormone and so has every country in Europe. But the FDA in the US has not. Personally, I've completely given up commercially produced dairy and won't eat anything but organic now. Locally grown. Plus I refuse to eat Hagen-Daaz or Ben and Jerry's because they are made with US-produced milk. I want to reduce the risk of cancer as much as possible.
Posted by: Katherine at February 2, 2004 05:15 PMit was sooo planned. you could tell it was. they had to one up the "kiss". i can understand why the NFL was pissed.
i mean it's football, kid rock was okay, but get ac/dc or some other "rock" band. not these pop stars!
She said it was a "wardrobe malfuntion" and supposed to reveal just the red bra. Purlease - when was the last time you were able to rip a bra apart so cleanly? Of course it was planned and Janet has now received the best PR that money didn't buy.
Posted by: Lisa at February 3, 2004 09:40 AMooh, sorry - got distracted by a pierced nip.
I'm sure everything will be fine, fish. Better safe, etc, etc... :-)
Posted by: Lisa at February 3, 2004 09:43 AMAlso note the nice little snaps around the part that came off... so planned. But also SO amusing.
Posted by: Silvya at February 3, 2004 10:20 AMAsk your doctor about the Nuva Ring. nuvaring.com
Lower levels of estrogen, less side effects, no weight gain - and effective.
Don't ask me how I know.
Posted by: TheYeti at February 3, 2004 04:10 PM