Fat day, fat day...
I didn't ever really believe in the tooth fairy. But I believe, with all of my soul, in the Fat Fairy. You know, that evil little winged bitch who comes and waves her cellulite wand over you while you sleep and poof! when you wake up, it's like magic!
Nothing fits!
Tell me you have days like this:
Days where your clothes don't look right on you and your thighs touch in just too many places and the world would be a much better place if you could go to work in your pajamas -- clothes without waistlines or shape at all. Days where the only item of clothing that fits, you're wearing on your feet, and even your feet seemed to have put on weight over night. Where are my ankles? Just how much sodium did I ingest yesterday?!
A ring that was too loose yesterday is now snug on my finger. I let my belt out a notch. I actually fill in all the space in my bra (Ok, that's a bonus).
And NO it is not that time of the month.
I've been eating better, busting my ass at the gym five times a week and this is how the Universe repays me?
Back in the day, I used to think that the Fat Fairy worked for my little sister, so that on Fat Fairy Days, I'd just throw one of my frustration tantrums and give her all my clothes. I don't think that anymore.
Nope. I'm convinced that The Fat Fairy works for a greater evil. A dark, dark force as yet unidentified. I'm on to her, though. And one of these days, I'm bringing her evil little fairy ass down.
And I'm putting it in jeans 2 sizes too small.
Hey - maybe your body's responding to all that salsa dancing - now you have a little more to jiggle with.
Posted by: LadyCrumpet at February 11, 2004 09:16 AMTotally. That's exactly how I feel today. I was just contemplating whether it would be acceptable to wear sweatpants. (It's not -- so I'm going to suffer.)
Posted by: ginger at February 11, 2004 09:40 AMMy confidence was shattered this morning when I passed ABC studios and inside were 8 Victoria's Secret models AND Tyra Banks- in swimming suits. I wonder what kind of deal they struck with the fat fairy..?
Posted by: SR at February 11, 2004 09:46 AMI definitely have days when I feel like that, most days. Basically I am just deluded enough to think I still fit into jeans I bought something like 3 years and 8 pounds ago...
Posted by: emma at February 11, 2004 09:46 AMum, yeah, today i'm right there with you.
Posted by: mingaling at February 11, 2004 10:54 AMI had a day like that yesterday...but it was a church day so I didn't want to just throw on jeans. Do men have fat days?
Posted by: aliciapoet at February 11, 2004 12:24 PMfat fairy!!!!!!! i love it. i mean, i hate the goddamned fairy, but i love your nomenclature.
Posted by: julia at February 11, 2004 01:17 PMOkay - this may sound silly ... I swear sometimes when you work out a lot, your muscles retain more fluid (which makes you feel fatter). If you drink a lot of water and eat a little extra protein, it'll come off (along with a few extra pounds) in a day or so.
Seriously, this is not advice. Just an observation. :)
Posted by: Kris at February 11, 2004 01:43 PMThat was my day today. Ugh.
Posted by: erika at February 11, 2004 06:25 PMthe fat fairy totally exists. unfortunately, though, it's probably the vitamin BC (aka the pill) that you were writing about earlier...it happened to me too :-(.
also, i have to comment that I love your story about the salsa dancing guy, and that whoever wrote to you and said that your writing is now boring because the J saga is over is a complete moron. Go, Fish, Go. You rock.