"Swedish Fish."
"You're kidding me."
"Noooo. I need them."
We've been at Target for a little over a half hour and I've had semi-psychotic episodes in two different aisles in housewares, and one in home furnishings. He had witnessed each episode and seemed bemused, if not charmed, at watching me come unglued.
"I've seen what shower curtain hooks did to you. I'll find you some fish."
He had stopped the shower curtain episode by placing his hands on my shoulders firmly and saying, "Listen, if you don't end up liking it, I'll drive all the way to New York and replace it for you myself. Okay?"
"Yeah? And will you carry my couch up four flights of stairs?"
"Absolutely."
I just nodded.
He leaves me with the carriage. I'm a few aisles away when I hear the rustle of a bag and I have to smile knowing that I will go to sleep tonight completely cracked out on Swedish Fish. He tosses the bag on top of the piles I've made.
"I was going to use you as a backboard, but you're not very playful tonight."
"I'm playful, god damn it! It's just easily confused with combative and strung out. But I'm playful."
"Uh huh. A bucket of monkeys."
"Barrel. It's 'barrel of monkeys' Big Guy."
"Someone just earned herself a nice, long walk home from Target! Smart ass."
"You'll miss me when I'm gone."
"I know. I try not to think about it."
And suddenly, we're having an earnest moment. I suppose it makes sense that we're standing near the card aisle, surrounded by Hallmark greetings. But I'm not prepared for earnest. Good-byes will come later, and I'll be ready for those.
"Bucket of monkeys," I say and shake my head.
I think he understands, because as I dodge sentiment and push the cart away toward the check-out, he simply follows a few steps behind. He doesn't ask me what I'm thinking. Just why I'm not wearing any socks. And that, I can work with.
Posted by This Fish at March 8, 2004 11:12 PMnow you know what to leave him with as a souvenir-i'm-moving-away present: a bucket of monkeys! you're making me crave having semi-psychotic episodes in target!
Posted by: sassylittlepunkin at March 9, 2004 11:46 AMMy best friend left for Madagascar & the Peace Corps in November, and we did some similar shopping before she left (Wal-Mart, not Target). Her first breakdown came in the sock aisle. She was panicking, grabbing 3-packs for every possible sock contingency when she quietly said to herself, "Ok, focus." Next was the toothpaste aisle. After 5 minutes of debate between practical (ADA approved) and fun (cinnamon flavored), it was time for intervention, "I'm saying this to you as a friend. You cannot spend this much time picking out toothpaste." My breakdown came in the camping section. Visions of large, strange African bugs had me shaking as I begged her to buy a large tube of insect bite analgesic.
In the end, it was the postage stamps I gave her that made us both cry.
Goodbye shopping is the best.
Posted by: Krystl at March 9, 2004 12:15 PM