March 23, 2004

separation anxiety

"See, I told you that it's all out with the old."

"It is not! I bought new sheets. I didn't even throw out the old ones."

"You will. You'll get rid of everything and start over."

"Everything but you."

"Shut up. I don't wanna talk about this anymore. It makes my stomach hurt."

So we didn't talk about it over shellfish antipasto or later over warm pudding cake and vanilla ice cream. Or in the car on the way back to Boston from the South Shore. Or at least, I tried not to.

"Look, there's gonna be a Target there."

"Awesome."

"Shut up. You don't even care because you're not going to BE here!"

"Can we go back to the part where you're sad that I'm leaving and not so... mean?"

"No. I'm going to be mean to you until you move."

"Fair enough."

Posted by This Fish at March 23, 2004 09:58 AM
Comments

My (15yo) daughter just left yesterday with her egg donor, The Beast, after saying she wanted to go live with her (for the first time in her life). I got to watch the emotional separation of the kid from her home town and friends, and the anger that replaced sadness in some of them. Anger is one of the survival tools, and for some it's the primary survival tool. Other of her friends were sad, some were fearful, wondering how they would cope without her.

Anger is my primary survival tool. It's not because I hate, but because I love. I'm the alpha male in my tribe, responsible for hunting and defense. When someone leaves my tribe, my watchful defensive eye, I fear for her safety -- especially if I don't perceive there being another in her new tribe as capable or diligent as I am who will take care of her as I have. I'm sad about her leaving, fearful for her safety, and primed to kill anything that threatens her in her new environment.

I can relate to your friend.

Posted by: Arthur at March 23, 2004 12:17 PM

sadly, there will be no target here (well, at least not in manhattan)....but there will be a glorious new bed bath and beyond near me in a few months, saving treks down to chelsea. sadly, by the time it opens, i will probably be in the same stages of leaving as you are now. so you'll just have to enjoy it for me.

Posted by: dahl at March 24, 2004 11:52 AM