March 25, 2004

s.o.s.

So this is what they call anxiety.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, I suppose. This sudden panic that's gripped me. I can actually feel that my heart rate is accelerated and, oh my God, is this really shortness of breath?

You'll think I'm being ridiculous. Or maybe you'll understand.

I lay in bed this morning, totally unable to make myself get out of bed. Her Highness, Kitten of the Universe, was taking up half my pillow, purring calmly beside me. And I... was panic stricken.

What if I chose the wrong apartment? What if I hate living there? What if my clothes don't fit in the closet? What if the couch won't fit through the door? I know I measured it, but what if? Huh? What if? And, what if my friends all divorce me for making them carry boxes and furniture up four flights of stairs?

I made myself get up and take a shower. I noticed that anxiety attacks are really bad for your complexion. So I made myself take a vitamin and extra zinc.

What if I made a really bad decision?

Not about the zinc. It's good for your immune system.

Posted by This Fish at March 25, 2004 12:13 PM
Comments

Poor Fish! I am sure that everything will work out fine! Smile and keep your chin up! :)

Posted by: sandi at March 25, 2004 01:29 PM

B-R-E-A-T-H-E

You'll like your new pond.. :)

Posted by: dd at March 25, 2004 01:35 PM

If this thing you have been longing for is wrong for you, then this is the _necessary_ experience from which you will learn a life lesson that you can learn in no other way. Ya gotta do those every now and then -- we all do.

If this is the right thing for you, then you're already in great shape.

Either way, it's the right decision. Relax and go with it. :-)

Posted by: Arthur at March 25, 2004 01:56 PM

You made the right decision.

Posted by: Howard at March 25, 2004 02:07 PM

You can always move back.

I mean this sounds like a rare opportunity, to be seized before it disappears.

Boston, on the other hand, is not going anywhere.

Good luck!

Posted by: Dan at March 25, 2004 02:29 PM

Hi there - I just came across your website and I think we're neighbors! I'm going through similar things, moving, I just quit my job, etc - keep breathing and smiling, you'll be fine :)

Posted by: erin at March 25, 2004 03:42 PM

You'll never want to move back.

Now, I'm not suggesting that your friends will resent you for making them haul stuff up stairs, as I am sure they won't, but ... should you have a change-of-heart these guys cost me $175 and we're done in 90 minutes - I'm still in awe.

Posted by: deb at March 25, 2004 04:20 PM

Just keep swimming..just keep swimming..just swimming....

Posted by: Another Pam at March 25, 2004 04:35 PM

it's totally normal. well, i would guess, b/c i went throught the same thing when i moved. there was kind of no looking back, when you leave EVERYTHING that was your home for your whole life, and drive 5,000km across the continent.
the day i left i couldn't get out of bed either. i was 4 hours late in picking of my driving partner - thought he was going to bail on me!
then, i tried to leave 4 times and return 3 times to pick up stuff i had forgetten at the house!!
but if it felt right when you made the decision, it IS right now.
just go. everything will fall into place.

Posted by: bikefox at March 25, 2004 04:52 PM

I have some room in my closets, and a futon. Plus my fridge always has cold beer, and my cupboards are stocked with pretzels. So... you have that going for you.

Posted by: Benjamin at March 25, 2004 04:56 PM

I know exactly what you're going through. I moved out of Boston...to LA of all places, but still...new is different and different can be scary, but scary is usually GOOD is scary disguise.

Posted by: jen at March 25, 2004 04:58 PM

But but... the cool new neighbors don't factor in at all?!!

And how'd you get Deb to leave you a comment? I'm never that lucky! {pity party for one? Right this way please}

Posted by: Ari at March 25, 2004 05:31 PM

You'll know it's a bad decision if one fine day, you wake up dead. Until that happens, swim on.

Posted by: Gopi at March 25, 2004 06:33 PM

Fish - you are going to do amazing in the big city! Think of all you'll save in train fare!

As someone who made a big move (canada to PHX) 6 years ago...it was terrifying - I doubted myself from the day I made the decision til the day I got settled in, but haven't regretted it a day since.

And i'm with Ari - not only did Deb comment, but Benjamin (says the girl who owns not one, but TWO BW CDs and knows every word) as well? Rocksupa star you are girl - you have us all in your corner wishing a fantastic new adventure in the big city.

Posted by: full circle at March 25, 2004 09:30 PM

I don't know about bad decisions, but buy the friends some six-packs for their troubles and know that any and all moving-in problems can be solved with a trip to the hardware store. Good luck! You'll be great, I'm sure.

Posted by: Jenny at March 25, 2004 11:38 PM

Found your blog via the McMuffins. Great site!

Posted by: Retro Girl at March 26, 2004 02:15 AM

Girl....don't make me have to bitchslap you again...it hurt enough the first time...

Posted by: Brian. the 646 Guy at March 26, 2004 02:50 PM