Dear Reader: Please Note, After this, there shall be no more uninformed discussion of Kitten on your part.
Things you must understand
1. Kitten was born on the street. The only reason I got her home was because she was too sick to run.
2. There are only two people who have ever held Kitten. Myself and the vet, when Kitten is either bound in a towel or tranquilized.
3. There are maybe three people, besides myself who have ever petted Kitten. And three or four others she's allowed within a yard or two to play with her.
Kitten is terrified of other people. She is not hanging out with some little old lady drinking cream from a saucer, she has not allowed herself to be seen, much less caught by anyone who would take her to a shelter. She has not turned up back at my old house to eat the food, or crawl into her cat carrier that I left for her in my one moment of hopeless impracticality. The suggestion that she is somewhere waiting for me is unbearable. I am too far away to search every porch she may be hiding under. And the very idea that I should be makes me feel extraordinarily guilty. So can we cut it with all that?
Kitten has become a lump in my throat that I can't swallow. I wake up wondering where she is. Every. Single. Morning.
I have called for her when I got out of the shower, inexplicably forgetful of the fact that she isn't there.
So if anyone has feelings of loyalty toward her, be reassured I've got 'em a hundredfold, but I'm also mired in the reality that she is not coming back.
Posted by This Fish at April 12, 2004 01:34 PM*HUG*
Posted by: Brian, the 646 Guy at April 12, 2004 01:38 PMI was just trying to help. Really!
Posted by: Mark at April 12, 2004 01:55 PMYes, I guess everyone was trying to be positive-- but given this new info, she probably is out doing the "I'm independent" thing. And I'm terribly sorry for your loss-- losing a kitty is as bad as any loss. Maybe worse, since I adore kitties.
Maybe a new little kitty WOULD be the right thing to do. There are always kitties who need loving homes, and yours would be loving, I know. Plus, I think the baby angle is probably not a good idea at this juncture. :)
Posted by: Kim at April 12, 2004 02:02 PMi've been in your shoes, my love, but of course none of us can understand the unique bond to your beloved kitten. my own delilah (and jezebel, who died a couple of years ago) came from the humane society shelter on e. 58th and second ave, so i highly recommend the kitties there.
much love and many hugs to you!
Posted by: sassylittlepunkin at April 12, 2004 02:04 PMWouldn't a little dog be more Manhattan? They seem to substitute for babies. You could become one of those women who demand that her "baby" goes everywhere...and then start off ever sentence with "Dah-ling".
Kitties are great too. Besides, I think rescuing another kitty infinitely increases your cat karma and guarantees RK a long and happy life.
Posted by: narnault at April 12, 2004 02:13 PMwelcome to nyc! I just started reading and hope the new city blues pass quickly. don't be lonely, there's lots of us out here who have happy hour free.
Posted by: jen at April 12, 2004 02:14 PMI just started reading your posts, and though it might not make you feel better about kitten - I wanted to let you know that your posts on moving to NYC give me strength. I'm deciding whether or not I should move...and I have to tell you, your posts have helped me in many ways!
Posted by: J at April 12, 2004 02:58 PMHope the "icky" feelings fade soon. Sorry about the kitty.
I'm a dog owner - but just the thought of losing my little furry pest breaks my heart. A new baby will help lessen the pain and you'd be saving another cat. Besides, you need a little luv in a new city.
Posted by: so sue me at April 12, 2004 04:14 PMI still check in 5 times a day here to see if you've had any luck. I'm so sorry about this whole thing, Ms. Fish.
I'm thinkin about the two of you over here in California! And I'm glad the move went well, otherwise.
Posted by: Cati at April 12, 2004 04:30 PMI'd check into getting a three-legged dog. Not only are they great pets, but they make good conversation starters too. :)
Posted by: Howard at April 12, 2004 05:32 PMsomeone's been watching zoolander.
Posted by: atomic clock at April 12, 2004 05:55 PMno offense, fish, but sometimes you're kinda mean when people are just trying to offer you kind words.
Posted by: amber at April 12, 2004 05:55 PMPeople need to think before they offer words that can be taken as other than "kind".
Posted by: nanner at April 12, 2004 06:29 PMNormally I just lurk but my heart is breaking for you. In October I lost my 14 year old cat when my husband left the door open. We plastered the neighborhood with signs and checked the shelter daily, all to no avail. I had to force myself to stop scouring the neighborhood twice a day because it just upset me so much, but I still feel guilty for doing so. Anyway, I think getting another kitten is a great idea (we now have two little ones). I know that kitten can never be replaced, but a new little one can definitely help fill the hole in your heart.
Posted by: Sue at April 12, 2004 07:07 PMApologies for any suggestion that you weren't loyal, wasn't that at all, just ignorant hope.
Posted by: bikefox at April 13, 2004 12:16 PMtake care.
having another living being in your presence helps w/ the blues. and, kitties purr and nuzzle.
pamper yourself. a lot.
Posted by: shelley at April 13, 2004 02:14 PMjust don't give up yet. cats have a way of showing up, sometimes a full week later. they get stuck in garages and other small places only to be released once you think they're gone.
Posted by: hubs at April 13, 2004 05:02 PMmy friend's cat was lost for a few weeks and turned up one day. she may turn up. or maybe someone else found her and took her in. a new kitty friend might be a nice touch though.
Posted by: snowy at April 14, 2004 06:44 PM