In New York City, Hyenas wear dark suits, cobalt blue shirts and ties of varying hues. They hover around watering holes, instinctively draining over-priced cocktails and imported beer, and though huddled in groups, each is aware that it is every man for himself as they keep close tabs on the prey they stalk from behind designer eye wear.
The Serengeti of Bryant Park’s outdoor café is abuzz at dusk, teeming with double-breasted, double-vented Hyenas and their respective prey, carefully balanced on over-priced heels and toting imported handbags. The prey saunter up to the watering hole, the Hyenas leave their packs, and the circle of life is yet again completed.
In New York City, the well-educated and well-paid corporate ladder climbers lean against the facades of their Madison Avenue office buildings, taking hasty drags of their cigarettes (there’s no time for lunch), and leer at women. They appraise each feature without any measure of subtlety, loudly voicing their appreciation for that which appeals to them. “And she’s got the legs, too” one calls out in a thick Brooklyn accent. Instantly, my mind’s eye replaces his expensive, nicely-tailored charcoal suit with a brown velour jogging suit and gold chains. He could be called David, or Alexander for all I know. But now, he is a Joe Jr., or a Lou.
Lou calls me sweetheart as I pass, and I shake my head. While his fancy costume belies the cheap, classless undercarriage of a being whose only real purpose in life is to chase tail, my apparently sweet face, glossy black coat and trendy shoes hide the soul of a girl who has absolutely no problem removing his genitalia and sucking it through a straw.
Don’t call me sweetheart.
Go girl!
I'm with you on that one! Men like that have no right to exist, let alone be around women, how dare the speak to anyone like that.
I hate men for reasons like that. No nice suit can make up for that.
Posted by: Autumn at April 22, 2004 09:39 AMamen, sister. i have left numerous clawmarks in real lous or joe jr.'s for being brazenly and horrifically forward with me in the most inappropriate situations.
really, people may laugh, but spit and fingernails are remarkable weapons of self defense.
Posted by: shivery at April 22, 2004 09:46 AMWhoohooo-- Ditto Autumn.
Posted by: bluepoppy at April 22, 2004 09:46 AMWhen I was about 14, I was arriving home from school one day and my dad was across the street talking to some contruction guys. When I got out of the car, one of them said "Man, look at the titties on that girl!" It took my dad a minute to realize the guy was talking about HIS BABY GIRL, before he responded "That's my daughter..." My dad said, and I quote, "That guy just about shit his pants! Jackass!"
Posted by: Jen at April 22, 2004 10:34 AMWait until summer...then the catcalls really begin.
Posted by: Nordiki at April 22, 2004 12:11 PMSometimes I have fantasies about walking up to the guys who say that stuff - grabbing a handful of their expensive shirts in my fist - slamming them up agaisnt a wall and then executing some amazing karate move on them. Then, when they're lying panting on the ground, I'll look down at them, tall and proud in my high heels and say "... and don't you EVER think about speaking like that to a lady again!".
Posted by: PL at April 22, 2004 12:32 PMAs it seems to be a constant occurrence you clearly have to assemble a list of witty right-back-attcha-isms.
Posted by: Ari at April 22, 2004 12:37 PMI'm sorry but removing his genitalia and sucking it through a straw just doesn't sit well with me.
Posted by: emmalyn at April 22, 2004 12:58 PMUnlike you folks prone to violence, my urge is to pin them against a wall and tease them till they beg -- for 2 reasons: a) scare the hell out of them when I don't demurely turn away as expected; and b) nothing shames a man more than begging in front of his competition.
Posted by: petitchou at April 22, 2004 01:05 PMWas that some Freudian slip in there about sucking the genitalia of guys who call you sweetheart? Maybe not, but just in case, I absolutely love your writing, sweetheart ;)
Posted by: Dennis at April 22, 2004 03:25 PMbrutally good, fish!
Posted by: sassylittlepunkin at April 22, 2004 03:29 PMWhat I don't understand is why, with all those hyenas around, the gazelles keep hobbling themselves with Manolo Blahniks. It's like they want to be eaten.
Posted by: Mike at April 22, 2004 06:30 PMI embarrassed the hell out of a student who called a girl in my class "Sweetheart" the other day. I informed him that her name was Samantha, and made him stand up in front of class and apologize to her by using her real name. He turned red, and she thanked me after class.
Posted by: Smitty at April 22, 2004 09:32 PMi just wanted to leave a comment and let you know that today's post was brilliantly written.
i actually called up a friend and read it to him over the phone. it was so damn good.
Posted by: belle at April 22, 2004 09:53 PMmiss fish, why are you not a writer???
Posted by: Jessie at April 23, 2004 01:41 AMFeel the love !
Posted by: Frank at April 23, 2004 07:21 AMhell yeah...
Posted by: shana at April 23, 2004 11:02 AMgreat entry fish
Posted by: hubs at April 23, 2004 08:05 PM