Yesterday, I went to Bloomingdale’s.
You read: Yesterday, she went to Bloomingdale’s and spent even more money like the vapid, fiscally irresponsible tart that she is.
I mean: Yesterday, I went to Bloomingdale’s and overcame one big ass grudge.
In November of 2002, on one of many weekend trips to the Big Apple, someone lifted my debit card and emptied my checking account at Bloomingdale’s. Emptied my checking account… which rolled over into my savings account… and all in all, after a stop at Bvlgari, the treacherous wench had taken me for a three and a half thousand dollar ride.
The fine folks at -- count them -- six of their cash registers failed to check signatures or ID. Thus, I swore I’d never give them my business. That’ll teach ‘em, right?
Well, yesterday, I finally let bygones be bygones, and took my patronage to Bloomies. It had been a year and a half, after all. I realized that the whole swearing grudges thing really was pretty juvenile.
Besides, um… I needed sunglasses and it’s on my way home.
Now, mind you, previous to the whole grudge-forming incident, I had never been in Bloomingdale’s. I’d seen the bags with their understated smugness, the billboards, the store front and the shiny glass doors that let you in from the 59th street subway stop. But until yesterday, never had I seen inside.
I was completely unprepared.
Some time around 6:30 (Eastern Standard Time) my sequined flip flops hit the tile on the other side of those shiny glass doors. They rode up those escalators, and…
Why didn’t anyone tell me about that place? I mean, really tell me? It was like finally forsaking the Sugar Busters Diet at a dinner party hosted by Willy Wonka!
I’ve got a golden ticket!
Two pair of sunglasses later (along with a few other pretty little baubles), I had to escort myself right back through those shiny doors and into the dingy subway. I’d seen what happened to Violet. And Veruca. And that Augustus Gloop kid. I, for one, was getting out of there before I got sucked up into some big pipe never to be heard from again.
Because, after all, I needed to live -- unencumbered by gallons of chocolate milk -- to tell the world a tale of sweet, sweet forgiveness and unparalleled shopping bliss.
And to show off my new pink Ralph Lauren shades, of course.
Come with me
and you'll be
In a world of pure imagination
But, did they check your ID?
Posted by: cher at April 29, 2004 12:22 AMhahahaha!!
Pink shades, eh? Perhaps they are almost as cool as my red duty-free shades bought in the Cozumel airport a few weeks ago..
Although, the Bloomingdale's tag might just make yours cooler.. How can we ever know?
Posted by: tab at April 29, 2004 01:23 AMI heart Bloomingdales. And my husband does too. Together, it's not a good combination. Early last fall we were finally blessed with 2 Bloomingdales down here in Atlanta and my credit cards have been burning ever since.
Welcome to the candy factory, make sure you don't let your teeth rot.
Posted by: jenny at April 29, 2004 07:37 AMAnd that's the reason I live in the middle of no where with only outlets to shop in.
which means - I'm jealous. but i'm ok with that - or my bank account is at least.
Posted by: Autumn at April 29, 2004 08:03 AMPink shades. I'm jealous.
Posted by: nongirlfriend at April 29, 2004 08:48 AMNo! They didn't check my ID! If I were my mother, I'd have thrown a fit.
Posted by: Fish at April 29, 2004 09:05 AMGood luck to your new sunglasses. Every pair I get has been dropped over the side of a boat, sat on, stepped on, or lost, and the one time I thought, "Hey, I am a grownup now, I will take care of my things," and dared to take a pair of fancy shades overseas they were abandoned in a hotel lobby in Edinburgh. I overheard the desk girl say someone left a pair of Gucci glasses and figured they couldn't possibly be mine, since mine were of course in my bag. What are the odds.
Posted by: jen at April 29, 2004 09:30 AMLIKE i need another reason to be HEAD OVER PLATONIC KITTEN HEELS in love with you, fishwoman. LET'S GO SHOPPING.
Posted by: k at April 29, 2004 09:52 AMkrissa, at first glance i read the word "platonic" as "platinum'... i was like, wow, platinum kitten heels! that's pretty hot! I want some! but alas... platonic's okay too, i guess.
Posted by: janna at April 29, 2004 10:25 AMNice glasses. You heard they're doing a remake, right? Nothing will compare to the original, although it might be fun to watch once.
Posted by: Michael at April 29, 2004 10:36 AMAh.... you have been to Mecca and seen the light? Phenomenal, eh? And it's so frightingly close.
Posted by: Ari at April 29, 2004 10:49 AMThe question is, did you have to take the loss for that 3500 dollars that was lifted from your card?
Posted by: Kim at April 29, 2004 11:12 AMNo. The savings were FDIC insured, and Fleet was good enough to restore the checking funds as well. However, it DID take them over a month to do so. I actually had to borrow money from my mother. The shame.
Posted by: Fish at April 29, 2004 11:16 AMOompa loompa,
Doompadee doo,...
but where is the picture of the fish IN the pink glasses.
They do match your site...
Posted by: Jonathan at April 29, 2004 02:30 PMDamn that Beauty Bar thief!
Posted by: C at April 29, 2004 03:45 PMwhen i lived on e 60th that was my subway stop! bloomingdale's is such a mecca of all things gorgeous, fabulous, delighful and indulgent. i was kind of mad when they opened some out here, because that takes the whole big apple mystique away...
Posted by: sassylittlepunkin at April 30, 2004 02:12 AMA good trick for makin' them check IDs and to safeguard yourself -Instead of signing your Credit Cards, in permanent marker write CHECK ID. It's rare that my ID is not checked now and I feel a lot safer.
Posted by: HR Lady at April 30, 2004 09:07 PMI live in London, England and I soooooooooo wish there was a bloomindales over here! You are so lucky! They dont even seem to do International shipping!
Posted by: Lisa at May 6, 2004 11:26 AMNext time you need sunglasses, tell Ari to let me know. I know a place in Brooklyn, so much cheaper than anywhere else. I just got Dior glasses for 70 bucks.
Posted by: Karol at May 6, 2004 03:05 PM