May 03, 2004

i've fallen and i can't get up -- an update

I’ve basically been laying flat on my back since 5:30 AM, getting up only to take more pain killers or refill ice bags.

While, yes, I am still in pain, I have a bit more mobility. My right leg is no longer numb, but I can’t turn my head to the right. My right shoulder? KILLING me. I would sell my unborn children for a massage.

And because desperation also has a funny side, I’d like to share it. You know, to alleviate this tension.

In my desperation, I actually reached out for my G2 Mini Massager, aka my um... vibrator. I turned it on and put it on my swollen, sore shoulder. What? There is no one to give me a massage! What do you want me to do? I already tried petting the cat into a purring frenzy and then draping him across my back. That worked for heat as well, but he’s not as patient as The Pocket Rocket.

Anyway, there you have it. I hope that made you laugh. I’m going to go lie down again and wish I was married, thus eliminating one use for the aforementioned device. Cause when you’re married, someone’s totally obligated to pick your ass up off the bathroom floor and massage your sore spots till you fall asleep.

Posted by This Fish at May 3, 2004 02:41 PM
Comments

Well, THAT's great news. I'm totally telling my wife when I get home tonight, because no one has massaged me to sleep in, like, forever.

Man. You have my sympathies.

Posted by: Lex at May 3, 2004 04:09 PM

Hmm... obligated? I'm with Lex. I'm printing this page off and showing it to my wife when I get home... of course then she'll probably point at the garbage I haven't taken out or the dishes I haven't done and charge me with nullifying the contract in the first place... ah, never mind... here's to hoping you feel better soon, Ms. Fish.

Posted by: dave at May 3, 2004 05:59 PM

chiropractor! GO! NOW!

You will feel better quickly. This happens to me a few times a year. Ya pinched something...

Posted by: Jonathan at May 3, 2004 07:12 PM

ooh - fish! I hope you feel better soon. I'm in pain myself from walking to & from the T in high heels today because I forgot my walking shoes :( How do you solve that problem in NYC?

Posted by: Erin at May 3, 2004 08:00 PM

I heart you!

I hope you feel better..

And yes, I laughed for a good while about the "Mini Massager.." ;)

Posted by: tab at May 3, 2004 08:56 PM

Not such a shocking use for your Mini Massager. After all, it's right there in the name. Besides, aren't you supposed to use it when there's no one there? Hope you feel better soon.

Posted by: sly at May 3, 2004 11:10 PM

Just remember how good it will feel when it stops hurting...

unasked for opinion--

acupuncture...chiropractor...or calcium therapy- 1000 mg in the am and 1000 mg in the pm for at least 3 days- it's natures lil muscle relaxant.

Feel better, fishie.

Posted by: Vicki at May 3, 2004 11:26 PM

Depends upon who you are married to. Some bastards will just leave you there.

Posted by: nongirlfriend at May 4, 2004 05:56 AM

OBLIGATED?!?!?! Ya think?

Posted by: HR Lady at May 4, 2004 10:44 AM

I laughed. As I did at just about every other entry of yours, especially the ones about Kitten II. Okay, 'nuff stalking for the day. Must do some work now.

Posted by: craige at May 17, 2004 01:55 PM