This Fish Needs A Bicycle

Dear H.L.H. the Fish:

(Yeah, I saw the book at Borders in downtown D.C. yesterday.)

Fame has its price, and apparently yours is to spend eternity in a back brace. But it need not be your fate, if you see the difference.

Actually, I suffered severe back spasms for years. An MRI revealed that I had a pinched nerve, which caused sciatica. Finally a doctor convinced me to have surgery. I was terrified, having heard "on the street" that these surgeries seldom help. Baby, the street was wrong! Dr. Magic healed me. I wanted to marry him. And that was 13 years ago. No more pain. No more rugby or mountain climbing, either, but I guess I can live with that.

Seriously, H., see a neurologist soon. There is relief, and not all of it requires a trip the the OR. But you don't have to suffer needlessly.

Good luck and happy bicycle shopping.

Maybe it isn't the pain; maybe you're just turning into the quintessential New Yorker.

I had to violate the ADVICE FREE ZONE rule. It won't happen again, officer.

You should be more concerned with having called me "Baby."

;)

{gasp}...{blush}...{sweaty upper lip}...{kicking dirt}...so wanna go to the prom?

I haven't had my coffee yet, so I have nothing more witty to say than - feel better, baby girl!

Michael: That depends. You renting a limo?
Cati: Girl, I can't even HAVE coffee. ;) thanks, babe.

I would agree with Gopi that wanting to trample people and hating those with bad clothes are just part of your transformation into a New Yorker. Did you see the rant that New Yorkish linked on Friday?

Seriously?? God, you poor thing!!!

I can't imagine life without coffee.

A limo? Could we, uh, make out in the backseat? Then, yeah ...!

I still think it'd be keen to develop a raging addiction to painkillers. It just seems so CHIC. You can waft around in filmy nightgowns, popping pills in the corner where nobody can see!

ouch! And also, owie! (Seems I'm channeling my two year old nephew here, but somehow I think his words are still appropriate.)

And everyone here said what I would have:

I’ve also become edgy, irritable and defensive. I say things I don’t mean. I feel resentful. I want to trample slow movers in the subway and yell at people who wear really bad clothes. This morning in the muggy-beyond-all-reason 86th Street station, I nearly French-kissed a man for the last sip of his iced coffee.

Only means you've become one of us.

Also, HLH must stand for Her Lovely Highness, right Michael?

there needs to be more flitting.

Flit!

also, Allure? FAB perfume choice, sweetie. the lovely krissa and myself have both been known to dab it on from time to time.

sorry to hear about the back problems continuing. You need a live-in chiropractor named Hans, who models in his spare time and has written a field-defining book on interations of sub-atomic particles on the plank scale. His father owns a chocolate factory, which has made him independantly wealthy.

Here, I'll give you his number, I know he'd love to meat you. It's

(flit)

Paul, oh, H. is the very vision of loveliness. Of course I have never actually SEEN her, mind, but I ... imagine her, I dream of her beauty nightly...her soft, feminine magnificence, her sweet face, her lucious...uh...so...yeah, she's great.

NOTE TO H.'s MOM IN CASE SHE'S READING--Hello Mrs. H, you're looking lovely tonight. Wally and the Beaver just wanted me to remind you that we're guys....we flirt...we brachiate incessantly...we are not boinking your daughter....WE HAVE NO SEXUAL THOUGHTS WHATSOEVER. Uhm, right! Have a fabulous evening.

No advice here...just wanted to say I'm worried about you.

Fight the urge to become a) ironic b) snarky or c) both. Yes, you moved to New York, but you don't have to become a New Yorker. You can retain the sweet, lovable, beautiful, and optimistic Fish we all (think we) know and dearly love. Though you can push slow walkers aside -- that's allowed.