May 25, 2004

you got questions? we got answers.

Would you eat the worm from the tequila, or would you give it a name, personality, and life-story?
Actually, neither. See, if the worm were alive and kicking, I may have to give it a name or even a place to sleep before giving it a ride to an alcohol treatment facility. But itís dead, so my obligations are nonexistent. But swallowing it? Thatís just crazy talk.

Boxers or briefs?
Boxer briefs. Duh.

How to defeat the passive aggressive nature of mom?
I had thought the answer to that lay somewhere in being more assertive. Funny how assertive starts with Ďassí which is exactly what I feel like every time I attempt it.

Would you say that you are entirely over J? And if you are, how long did that take? Is there one thing that helped you get over him?
Oh, yes. Absolutely. It took cutting him out completely for what, six months? Maybe more. And it took letting myself really hate his guts. Fuck being so understanding all the time -- I really had to hate him. Time, perspective, and overall, the realization that he was human and flawed, and that my own expectations were somewhat naÔve and idealistic, were key to letting go of some really bad feelings. And now, I can count on him for anything. J was bad relationship boot camp, in a way. Good training for real thick skin when it comes to those ĎCake and Eat it Tooģí boys.

What's with all the people you know being in law enforcement? And did they pass or finish their classes yet? And did you and your brother decide where you were going to vacation or was that last summer?
First, do I really know that many folks in law enforcement? I do believe that graduation is in two weeks and that actually RIGHT NOW heís taking his final exam. And we arenít going anywhere. He is going to Puerto Rico on an adventure with other folks. I am vacation day deficient.
Also: Do you listen to the radio in NYC and if so, what station? And what's playing on your walkman these days?
I never listen to the radio, unless itís waking up to NPR or some other talk. In my Discman, on her fifth consecutive day, is Sheryl Crow (the Best of). Something about her music is speaking to my current mood.

Favorite hot dog condiment?
Mustard. You canít eat a hot dog without mustard. Maybe you can, but Iíd advise against it.

Whatever happened to blogging your conversations with Inner Goddess? I miss her. She had some sass.
Good question. The Inner Goddess and I get along much better lately (though, today would be a very notable exception), so we have less to argue about. She disappeared roughly around the time I stopped willingly putting myself in ridiculous situations with J. Coincidence? I think not. I do apologize if you think Iíve traded a certain degree of introspection and self-regulation for shoe shopping. It is harder to write with much substance when you live among your audience, and moving to New York has complicated that to an overwhelming degree. The less anonymous I become here, the less inclined I am to air my personal dirty laundry. Iíve had some bad experience with that.

Aside from a bicycle, what does this fish want from life? I know it sounds corny, but where is this fish swimming to? Hopes? Dreams? When you close your eyes and imagine yourself at 30, what do you see? At 40? How has your past influenced what you want your future to be?
I think this has been one of my favorite/ most difficult questions so far. Because an honest girl would go ahead and fess up that for the last year or so, sheís not been too sure sheíd know what to do with a bike. That for the most part, love has sort of taken on mythical status. Both as being loveable myself and being able to really love someone else.
But aside from that, I want to get off my ass and write a real book. Though Iíve been feeling like what Iím best at, has already reached market saturation. At 30, I hope I will be comfortable BEING 30 and not worry about being single (if I am) or getting old. At 40, if Iíve missed my opportunity to have a family, letís just say that would be a real shame. The last part of the question will have to wait for another day.

Posted by This Fish at May 25, 2004 02:22 PM

It is harder to write with much substance when you live among your audience... Ohmygod yes; I'm so glad you said it.

Posted by: deb at May 25, 2004 02:57 PM

Clearly, you've got your head screwed on right when it comes to looking into the future. I would argue that aging is a state of mind, and the "30" breakoff point is arbitrary, at best. (Of course, I have to argue this point. I know Ari will agree, because she has to, also.)

As an actor friend of mine says: "You're only as young as the woman you feel." Doesn't quite apply to me or you, but I suspect that the spirit is still true.

On another note: Am currently accepting boyfriend applications "under-30" boys. Apply now: I won't last! (Free Ginsu knives to the winning applicant.)


Posted by: Esther at May 25, 2004 03:11 PM

I firmly believe that the Inner Goddess and Inner Carrie Bradshaw can coexist. I bet they'll even really like each other!

Posted by: shakeit at May 25, 2004 03:42 PM

"Though Iíve been feeling like what Iím best at, has already reached market saturation."

I wanted to add: I don't think so. You've got the introspection to add necessary depth to all those hijinks, kiddo. No "chick lit" here!

Posted by: shakeit at May 25, 2004 03:46 PM

Assertive does start with ass.... and I know what you mean. They always win, there's just no way around it. Thanks for answering my question, though. Made me feel better. :)

Posted by: Tara at May 25, 2004 06:34 PM

Mustard is good but you haven't lived till you've tried the guac dog.

Posted by: JTG at May 25, 2004 10:27 PM

It is harder to write with much substance when you live among your audience, and moving to New York has complicated that to an overwhelming degree.

That's why you need to start a second blog, which is only for those of us who will never become part of your real-life audience. Either that, or, password protect entrance to this one and get back to airing your dirty laundry. You don't want to become pent-up just so your NYC friends can read about the daily happenings that they're already there to witness. Pent up, no good. That would be bad.

...for the last year or so, sheís not been too sure sheíd know what to do with a bike...

That's silly-talk. When it's right, you will know exactly what to do. The rest of us, who aren't nearly as eloquent in expressing our feelings (at least on paper), have figured it out. (Ok, me. And I'm feeble.) Thing is, the good bikes don't usually come along until the fishes have come to some level of self-love and appreciation. That's God/karma/power of your choice, that's just how He/it/whatever works. If you've got some of that, then don't worry about the arrival of the bike. Love is... just like riding a bike. And that can be taken in so many lovely, dirty ways, it's just delightful.

Posted by: Kim at May 26, 2004 10:07 AM

I am totally with you on the Sheryl Crow thing.

"Soak up the Sun" is definitely speaking to my current mood.

Posted by: akaellen at May 28, 2004 09:05 AM

Just found your blog...loving it. On the 30 thing? I am rapidly approaching and doing my best to love my fabulous self, even without the great job, husband, house, 2.3 kids etc. that I believed I'd have at this point. I'm doing a decent job of it so far. ;)

Posted by: erin at June 7, 2004 02:30 PM