It’s no secret that I can be what you might call… highly excitable. Prone to exaggeration. Dramatic.
An annoying breakout, and I’m suddenly suffering from leprosy and sending my girlfriends invitations to visit me at the leper colony on whichever Hawaiian island it was that served such a purpose back in the day. Molokai?
Last week, a canker sore was most certainly syphilis.
“It hurts! I am going to die in exile on Elba like Napoleon in syphillic lunacy. I just know it.”
Krissa was not so sure. “You are SO much prettier than Napoleon. And, I think, taller. I don’t think you’ll die in syphillic lunacy on Elba.”
“I hope not. Unless they have wireless internet. And then it wouldn’t be so bad.”
“I bet they do. And This Syphillic Fish does have a ring to it…”
So, my point is, it’s pretty much in character for me to make a big to-do over something not so big. But my sister? She does almost exactly the opposite. Her shtick is downplay.
Once upon a time, my sister moved to the Middle of Nowhere Arkansas, lived in a barn and became an elephant trainer to rehabilitate pachyderms that had been mistreated by their previous captors. Those animals couldn’t go back to the wild, for obvious reasons, and they were either physically sick or just genuinely pissed off. Fast forward to a couple days ago, in not so Middle of Nowhere California where she’s continuing this effort and… one of her elephants loses her shit and gores her coworker.
“I had a little bit of a bad day at work,” the email began. “Patrick got a tusk through the stomach today…”
You can read the rest on the AP Wire.
There are a few people with whom I share one of those ET/Elliot connections. The glowing finger, the drunken kiss in a classroom full of frogs. That sorta thing. My sister is one of those people. And I am pretty sure she needs more than just a little sleep. This, “Hey, I saw one of my really good friends get run through right in front of me today, so I’m gonna take a nap” is code for, “Do I have to go back to work? Ever?”
I’m betting she feels responsible. I’m betting she’s scared and just a wee bit fucked up.
I’d so much rather have leprosy or syphilis than have to deal with her version of a bad day at work.
Uh. WOW. That ranks right up there with one of the worst days-type spam emails we all get from time to time.
Posted by: Beth at June 3, 2004 09:39 AMThis may be a stupid question but did the guy die? How horrible for the guy and your sister.
Posted by: Gina at June 3, 2004 09:54 AMAccording to the AP he's going to be okay.
Here's the link:
http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/news/world/8813720.htm?1c
Wow. I hope she's OK ... physically AND psychologically. If she needs to change careers, she needs to change careers, but people who care for injured animals are special and it's not like we've got any to spare.
Posted by: Lex at June 3, 2004 10:49 AMYou know, Fish, I think I saw a documentary on the Discovery Channel or PBS or the Animal Planet or one of those things about the farm in Tennessee or somewhere that takes in aging circus elephants that had often been badly mistreated for many years. I was absolutely amazed by the dedication of the people who worked on the farm for the sheer love of animals (because I'm reasonably sure they were not making megabucks). I'm a marshmellow when it comes to animals, especially elephants -- they're so intelligent. Send me an e-mail with the address of the California facility; I might want to make a donation. And your sister sounds like a very impressive person. Perhaps it runs in the family. :>)
And I'm happy to learn that the other guy will be fine.
Posted by: Michael at June 3, 2004 10:49 AMEvery family needs balance, Fish.
According to the Yahoo news - there's no spinal cord damage and he's expected to make a full recovery.
Posted by: GrumpyBunny at June 3, 2004 11:27 AMI remember hearing about that on the morning radio show on my way to work. I thought "How horrible! What on earth could have caused this elephant to do that?" Glad to know that Patrick will be okay though.
Posted by: Catarina at June 3, 2004 11:41 AMRead this guy's blog and saw these and thought of you, one of the "internet celebrities" (in my eyes).
http://gapingvoid.streetcards.com/
Posted by: Michael R at June 3, 2004 03:28 PMNapoleon escapced from Elba to rule again during "The 100 Days" (which was more like 113 or so). After his defeat at Waterloo he was exiled and was likely poisoned six years later on the island of St Helena. Sorry...I couldn't resist. I'm a history guy.
Posted by: Dieter at June 3, 2004 07:30 PMI will be in NYC in two weeks - what's the first thing a Texas Girl needs to do in your city???
Posted by: nongirlfriend at June 3, 2004 08:18 PMJeez, and I thought MY JOB was BAD???
Posted by: nongirlfriend at June 3, 2004 08:22 PMNot to be antagonistic, but it seems strange to me that you would leave everyone hanging anxiously like you did with the previous post. You obviously have friends who read this site, and they were concerned for you, and your seemingly incomplete sense of your sister's well-being. But now it seems as if you probably knew all along what had happened, and that your sister was ok. So were you just milking the story for dramatic effect? If so you succeeded, but at the price of your friends' worry and concern. I don't get it.
Posted by: saltydog at June 3, 2004 09:38 PMFor the record, oh antagonostic one...I had a rather overwhelming day yesterday. Aside from a two line email yesterday, I did not hear from my sister until less than half an hour ago.
Those who are my friends, called and got what info I had to give.
You want to talk drama? Come bunk over here for a night. Or stop reading. Your choice. But don't pick at me right now. Capiche?
No offense intended. Just my take on things, offered only now that everything seemed to be under control. Glad there's no worrier with your sister. Guess that was the point.
Posted by: saltydog at June 3, 2004 10:41 PMIncredible story -hope the guy recovers well -- and good thoughts for your sister - people that care for animals like that really are doing a beautiful thing - hope all is well soon.
Posted by: AnneWhitney at June 3, 2004 10:45 PMNot to be flip, but back in my previous life, I worked as a surgery tech at the local humane society. One of the "dark humor" things we used to do to pass time was compare scars.
"I got this one from a wolf-husky hybrid."
"Oh yeah? THIS one's from a badger!"
"That's nothing. I got this one from an albino aardvark."
How much we would have envied the guy who said, "Elephant Tusk. Beat that."
Glad to hear he's going to be okay. I'll bet your sister will, too. Her heart sounds like it's big enough to handle something like this.
Jodi says yay for your sister...she's got a thing about captive elephants. She even has mailing labels that say "I'm an Ele-friend." Thoughts and prayers for her co-worker.
Posted by: Smitty at June 4, 2004 02:34 AMOh my goodness. I'm glad to hear Patrick will be OK. I hope you and your sister are OK too - am thinking my daily work stresses are very small compared to this. Thanks for the perspective.
Posted by: Dani at June 4, 2004 05:42 AM