On Saturday night, a friend came in from Boston to buy me a drink. We sat in a dim, pub-like establishment talking about old times and current events. I had news. Like harboring a secret lover or concealing a hidden body piercing or interesting scar, a piece of good news only gets better when you share it with the right person.
I was glad that my visitor wasn’t surprised at my news, or how happy I seemed about life in general at present. It was just the affirmation I needed. I’d been feeling selfish about taking so much time to myself, focusing so much on me, but also feeling really in love with having my shit together.
“We have to do this again soon,” I said. “But I’m not coming to Boston.”
“No. Don’t. This place looks good on you.”
We embraced, and then I went home to compose an email to my dad I’d been avoiding, and hoped it would be received with the intent in which it was written. I wasn't sure that if, in setting some greatly-needed boundaries, I was opening up a new can of worms, or closing up old wounds.
Being a grown-up is bittersweet.
Luckily, bittersweet is my favorite (chocolate). I'm aging even as I type...
Posted by: Esther at June 7, 2004 10:52 AMGetting older without being "grown-up" is just bitter, I'm learning.
Posted by: Michael R at June 7, 2004 12:17 PMDo you have any aunts and uncles and are you close to them at all? I just wonder - since it's obviously difficult to deal without parents or their full support (whether unintentional or not) - if maybe their siblings could help offset the pain.
Posted by: Michael R at June 7, 2004 02:01 PMNo, I don't. Not really, anyway. I knew one of my aunts while I was growing up, but my parents are not close to their respective families.
Posted by: Fish at June 7, 2004 02:19 PM