“You still laugh like a maniac.”
His voice sounds just as far away as it always has, even though now it’s coming from 30th and Lex.
“Of course I do. Did you think the East Coast had somehow… subdued me?”
“You never know. A lot can change in three years.”
I change the subject; we talk about subway rats. He has no idea just how much can change in three years.
G and I met at Stone Cold Sober University, when I was leading a Stone Cold Sober life. And now? Well, not so much. With Ex College Love being in town (and Ex College Love being as decidedly Mormon as I am decidedly ex-Mormon), I’ve had to stop myself at least a dozen from suggesting we “grab a drink and catch up.”
Grab a drink? How soon I forget. I might as well just suggest we visit an opium den or have sex in the bathroom of the New York Public library.
So while I’m racking my brain of things to do with him while he’s in town, I haven’t so much compiled a list of things to do, as a list of things I’m not to do. Commandment style.
Thou shalt not say the Fuck word.
Thou shalt not use innuendo.
Thou shalt not refer to any hilarious stories of drunken debauchery.
Thou shalt not make repeated mocking references to the baby jesus.
Thou shalt not begin any sentence with, “My gay husband..."
I’ll stop there. Only so much self-restraint a girl can manage and still feel at all entertaining. I mean, it’s not as though I am Jezebel in heels, but compared to my wholesomeness of yesteryears? First class tart!
Did I mention my mother is in town, too? Sigh. At least she’s used to me saying the Fuck word.
You and Dooce. Lapsed lady Mormons. Was the fall hard?
Posted by: Michael at August 24, 2004 10:41 AMDidn't hurt me one bit!
Posted by: Fish at August 24, 2004 11:16 AMThis was hysterical. Isn't it amazing to see friends from your past and realize how DIFFERENT you are now? It's like when people get married straight out of college - I want to stop them and say, "Why bother? You'll both be so different that you might not even recognize yourself in three years. And then you'll just have to divide all those lovely presents, and that's never fun".
Posted by: Tara at August 24, 2004 11:17 AMOy.
Posted by: The Lobster at August 24, 2004 11:25 AMYes, it's sad. I have always felt that the Mormon faith does not equip one with a ample understanding of Ice Hockey...there are other issues too I'm sure. Well back to my Jolt Cola, Joesph Smith can get stuffed!!!
Posted by: Mike at August 24, 2004 12:06 PMHave sex in the bathroom of the New York Public library, huh.
Posted by: Benjamin at August 24, 2004 12:21 PMThe fall is grand. The new life afterwards is even more grand.
Posted by: Steph at August 24, 2004 12:39 PMi thought being catholic was BAD!
Posted by: kasey at August 24, 2004 12:56 PMThat's one wonderful thing about being a lapsed Lutheran. It's a German religion, so basically, there was no way those Germans were giving up beer & sausage. So we don't have those particular issues. I remember my pastor once complaining about the folks staying at the hotel who got up really really early to have a prayer meeting & woke her. She said "don't they know God doesn't get up that early?" (I know. Preachers themselves with naughty things to say.)
But it is a little less far to fall... I mean. Martin Luther married an ex-nun! We're all sinners here. :)
Posted by: Kim at August 24, 2004 01:28 PMWait you have ANOTHER gay husband besides me...now that hurts...that really hurts
Posted by: Brian, the 646 Guy at August 24, 2004 01:49 PMEx College Love might take you up on the sex in the public library bathroom offer.
Posted by: Belle at August 24, 2004 02:09 PMSomeone should! Though, I can't exactly claim that it was my idea.
Regardless, shame to let good scandal go untapped.
Posted by: Fish at August 24, 2004 02:13 PMI let out a particularly creative string of words on my last trip home while playing cards. My parents laughed.
Yeah. Catholic.
Posted by: Theresa at August 24, 2004 02:52 PMOh dear, you're one of those? Me too! Yay! Nice how we lapsed lady mormons tend to find feminism, drunken debauchery, and occassional pre-marital sex. More power to you & me & Dooce and all the rest!
Posted by: Katie at August 25, 2004 10:57 PM