Salmon is magic food.
At least that’s what Ben had said a few minutes before our magic food set off the fire alarm in his apartment. He raced up the stairs, I jerked open a window – it was comic relief.
Earlier in the day, I’d come home from Procedure the Second (the results of the first biopsy having been inconclusive, or at least, unconvincing to my doctor and her colleague), tired and woozy. I called in sick and did an obligatory fly-by of my work email. And there, in my inbox, adding insult to cervical injury was a one-line ‘dear john’ email from the guy I’d been seeing. What timing. What irony. What… cajones to do such a thing over email.
But I digress.
Ben offered dinner, and I gladly accepted. As much as I needed rest, I did not need to be alone with my own head for too long. So I trekked across the park, and he made magic food and we watched the 80’s movie genius, She’s Having a Baby. I’d never seen it, oddly enough, and I had to be told (probably because of the look of panic on my face), that it was going to end just fine. Of course it was; it was a John Hughes film.
Who doesn't love a happy ending?
Though no fitness magazine has declared it so, I am also pretty convinced that S’mores are magic food. Rachel, Goldner, Mike and I met at DTUT on Saturday where they gave us our very own fire (such a risk with that gang), pointy sticks (again, questionable judgment on their part) and we sat, marshmallows flaming, perfecting our technique.
I’ve done a lot of sleeping, a lot of comfort food eating (frosted miniwheats) and a lot of communing with Netflix this weekend. Listen, I know I worry (lab results on Wednesday), but I’m not going to say I still don’t bank on things turning out okay, that I’m not hoping for a happy ending. I know it’s never going to be like the movies, but if I can laugh through the hard parts, a belly full of magic food, I don’t necessarily need it to be.
Posted by This Fish at March 20, 2005 09:31 PM"this too shall pass." i happened upon a neat story, which talks about a broken-hearted wearer of a magic ring forgetting his sorrows: http://franksartor.org/thistooshallpass.htm . i'm rubbing my magic ring and hoping that your angst leaves you soon.
Posted by: RazDreams at March 20, 2005 09:53 PMI hope the results are good for you; I had LEEP surgery when I was 24 (second year English grad student with no health insurance)...I felt very empty inside worried about being sick so young. I think it is wonderful that you have such a strong support network in place; you seem to be keeping things in perspective, which is admiral. All good thoughts to you...
Good luck finding a new bicycle, Fish!
Posted by: Rachel Apanewicz at March 20, 2005 10:01 PMI'd love to bake you real magic food, but the postal service probably uses those *special* dogs to sniff out all the packages.
Rest up and sink into your ipod.
Posted by: McAuliflower at March 20, 2005 10:33 PMHA HA HA
Now I really want some of THAT magic food!
Fish -
Even those of us who have known you for a short time and only through your writings admire your courage and send best wishes and prayers. A strong heart goes a long way to fight any obstacle or physical battle. I know you'll be just fine.
Natalie
Posted by: Natalie at March 20, 2005 11:00 PMI wish I had something profound to tell you, but unfortunately I'm usually at a loss for words when it comes to things like this. I hope everything turns out well with the tests, and I know that I had absolutely no control over it, but I'm sorry that you had to have two biopsies. As if one wasn't bad enough. Take care.
Posted by: Ashleigh at March 20, 2005 11:10 PMhey, i dont remember the last time you posted on a sunday...hope all things turn out well on wednesday, i'm sure they will, good things end up happening in mysterious ways
Posted by: ak at March 21, 2005 12:05 AMyou'll be fine, i just know it. lots of prayers and good thoughts coming your way. YAY for magic food, and not to mention, magic friends.
:)
Posted by: red at March 21, 2005 01:45 AMI believe in happy endings - all will be fine
Posted by: happyterror at March 21, 2005 04:25 AMbest of luck
Posted by: Tammi at March 21, 2005 06:59 AMWishing you only good results. Glad to hear the comfort food worked if only temporarily.
Sending good thoughts your way Fish.
Posted by: Wicked H at March 21, 2005 07:16 AMI fully empathize with your cervical troubles as of late. I have been in a similar situation for the last year and a half. They keep saying it isn't getting any worse but it isn't getting any better which means, lucky me, colposcopies every 6 months (at $900 a pop). If you're on the pill, I found some interesting research that suggests if you up your intake of folic acid by 25mg per day, it will decrease the incidence abnormal paps and cervical lesions significantly. Something to think about.
Posted by: colposcopyqueen at March 21, 2005 08:31 AMSister I know exactly where you are, I have been dealing with such issues for several years - it is soooo unsettling. It sounds like you are doing all the right things & getting great support, but I know that doesn't make it feel any easier. I was at the end of my rope with my doctors when I heard about The Pill & Folic Acid thing - it does seem to be making a difference. (not advice, just sharing my experience.) Remember you are strong, you are loved and you are not alone!
Posted by: Cervical Sister at March 21, 2005 08:53 AMI'll be crossing my fingers and toes for you.
Posted by: Kerri L. at March 21, 2005 09:33 AMFish, I'm hoping for a magical Hollywood ending too. We deserve that and better. Because if we don't take time to love, what's the point.
Remaining optimistic never hurt anyone. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
Cheers,
Africankelli
Oh, darling, it's not even LOVE at stake. I'm just holding out to live past 30 ;)
Gah, I shouldn't be so glib about such things, but there you have it.
With this outpouring of love and support, anything seems possible. I'm sending lots of warm, strong, happy thoughts your way too. To happy endings via magic food and wonderful friends . . .
cheers.
Posted by: elizabeth at March 21, 2005 10:30 AMSending good thoughts from DC as well... you can never have too many of those! Take care.
Posted by: jill at March 21, 2005 10:59 AMI hope all goes well with the test results. Sorry about the "Dear John" email, if he had to end it with an email, he isn't worth it anyway.
Posted by: Milly at March 21, 2005 11:16 AMOh my, feel better. I don't like the word biopsy at all. Also, S'mores aren't just magic, they're perfect. We spent all winter making them in our fireplace. In lieu of that, I believe Bed Bath and Beyond, as well as some drugstores, sell little home kits. Nothing like sterno to make the magic happen.
Posted by: tanya at March 21, 2005 11:31 AMMake sure you only eat wild salmon not farmed.
Don't worry fish it'll be okay...I've had lots of friends that have come through the other side relatively unscathed!
Posted by: Robin Alexa at March 21, 2005 11:32 AMHere's to happy endings and good news for you Wednesday. Now you've made me hungry for salmon...
Posted by: Agategoddess at March 21, 2005 11:58 AMHey there,
Try this when you sick of the Penguin game!
http://www.pumpupthemovie.com/toss.html
It's even more distracting, because you have to make it to Varsity! Let me know if you have any questions regarding the goal.
I know nothing can be said to alleviate the anxiety you are feeling, so I hope the distraction helps a little.
Jen
Posted by: Jen at March 21, 2005 12:04 PMwe were separated at birth? s'mores ARE magic food, I'm convinced and the only thing I can eat when getting over a break up - frosted mini wheats. Love ya!
Posted by: megan at March 21, 2005 12:08 PMAll will be ok, I'm sure of it. Try to relax, I know it's easier said than done, but stay positive :)
actually, the email thing shows a LACK of cojones.
Posted by: New Blue Shoe at March 21, 2005 12:17 PMa lot of people are praying for you to have your happy ending.
Posted by: ropedancer at March 21, 2005 12:27 PMI am so sorry you have to go through that, but don't worry. YOu have plenty of people wishing you well, and you can be sure that most of us really do believe in happy endings.
Posted by: annush at March 21, 2005 12:37 PMI'm going to start saying I think people are "admiral." And I don't mean that as a dig (to commenter #2), I just like the way it sounds.
I think someone should write a children's book or a book about children where someone keeps saying "This too shall pass" but they're talking about the numerous things their child keeps eating (coins, toys, etc) coming out of their "bottom system" (to quote another internet celebrity).
Which Netflix were you communing with? See anything good?
Posted by: Michael R at March 21, 2005 01:11 PMcan i ask for a favor? we're here, in tel aviv, wanna have a nice desktop picture of "this fish". why buy the shirt, when you can have the desktop for free? your fan, love nadav :) [tel aviv. israHell 21.3.05]
Posted by: love nadav :) at March 21, 2005 03:57 PMJust here to say I'm thinking good thoughts for you and wish you well.
Posted by: Lady Crumpet at March 21, 2005 04:12 PMyou're totally admiral. :-)
hang in there, fish. i'll be thinking about you and crossing my fingers for a happy ending or a magic foody ending. preferably, both.
Posted by: julia at March 21, 2005 05:18 PMBest of luck with the test results, fish. I'm waiting on my follow up pap results after my own cervical troubles this past fall. I had a LEEP in September and I know that aside from time, the best and most healing things were the affection and support of my loved ones, which you seem to have in abundance. :)
Posted by: Eileen at March 21, 2005 06:00 PMadding my best wishes for happy test results on wednesday.
Posted by: honestyrain at March 21, 2005 09:02 PMcomfort food is the best. :) hope all is well.
Posted by: lauren at March 21, 2005 09:06 PMlots of luck fish!
Posted by: the other side of the rainbow at March 22, 2005 02:48 AMI have chronic acute ITP.
Posted by: ilAn at March 22, 2005 05:13 AMWell, you know what? In this life, there will always be something hard to deal with. It's how you deal with it. This may not be like a movie, but I like your style, girl. It should be a movie. You go girl!
Posted by: AdventureGirl at March 22, 2005 10:30 AMHaven't checked in for a while, Fish, partly out of guilt for browning you off last time I did, and partly out of fear that I might do it again.
BUT
Felt I had to wish you good luck at the doc's tomorrow. It's all rabbit's feet and four-leaved clovers in your honour at my end.
Be happy.
M
Posted by: Markham at March 22, 2005 07:28 PMNetflix? With Video Room delivering from around the corner?
Good luck with the tests, and cheers while waiting - it's very hard.
Is a stickie worse than email?
Posted by: GrumpyBunny at March 29, 2005 01:09 PM