Mood music provided by Bon Jovi swells in the background. A handful of burly men suit up in rubbers. And everybody's ready to get crabs.
Opilio crabs, specifically.
In the last few days, I’ve found myself getting sucked into the most unlikely of television shows. Alright, I suppose it’s not that unlikely. I did spend an entire Saturday sacked out on my living room floor watching the Frontier House marathon. Twice. And now it’s The Discovery Channel’s Deadliest Catch that has me hooked. (pun bizarrely unintentional)
And boy do I get into it.
“Oh man! Only sixty-four crabs in that pot! They’re never going to catch up to the Northwestern.”
The Northwestern is a crab fishing vessel. As is the Retriever and the Lady Alaska, whose ultra Christian captain will most likely not appreciate my clever little innuendo involving his crew. They, and several others, are out in the Bering Sea in the middle of winter, their crews working day and night without sleep, hauling in cages of the stuff your crabcakes are made of. It’s no easy task and I can’t help but get frustrated when one of those poor bastards pulls up an empty pot.
“Well, yeah. Of course it’s the salmon. Everyone else is using cod and they’re catching crab. So much for divine inspiration, dude.”
Goldner is absolutely thrilled by my affinity for the object of his TIVO’s desire. He may have been less thrilled that I ate all of his jujubes in that tense moment where it looked like maybe, just maybe, the Maverick would not make it to port in time to unload their catch forcing them to wait until morning, and possibly causing them miss more than twelve fishing hours when the season could end any minute. But they made it! They did! And I ate all the red jujubes.
Reality thriller. I swear. I haven’t been this worked up over reality TV since that afternoon Ben and I weren’t sure if Brittny Gastineau was ever going to land a spot in a runway show during Fashion Week -- which is like, the biggest thing ever for models and like, it’s totally her dream to make lots of money as a model.
What with crab fishing in the Bering Sea being somewhat more dangerous than modeling, I’m even more compelled and anxious. I’ve even dreamt about it. So next Tuesday night, you know where I’ll be. Camped out on Goldner’s couch, watching intently with high hopes that a bunch of rowdy fishermen get lucky and catch crabs.
Did "Ms. eat all the good candy" just invite herself over next week?
Posted by: G at June 1, 2005 08:04 PMFish,
Thanks for the bedtime laugh, you have no idea how much I really needed it tonight.
Sass
Whoa! When I read "burly men suit up in rubbers." I thought "they put on condoms?!" I was way off where you were headed.
Posted by: August at June 2, 2005 12:26 AMGod I love the discovery channel.......
Posted by: Clare at June 2, 2005 01:55 AMGod I love the discovery channel.......
Posted by: Clare at June 2, 2005 01:55 AMim hooked too. did you watch the king crab season!! so fun!
Posted by: ashley at June 2, 2005 07:32 AMi, too, hope they get crabs. and who is goldner??? i've missed something.
Posted by: RazDreams at June 2, 2005 09:00 AMFrontier House, now that is compelling reality television. Everything in your life is a throwback to the 1880s. Well everything, of course, except the television crew in your face. The first time I caught it on PBS, I couldn't move from in front the television.
Posted by: Heather at June 2, 2005 09:25 AM"Who is Goldner?" That's like asking what gravity is, or where air comes from.
Posted by: G at June 2, 2005 09:48 AMwait, where does air come from again ... ?
Posted by: rach at June 2, 2005 09:51 AMI got sucked into it too!! I started watching the marathon on Monday morning. I was PISSED when I realized that although they said it was an all day marathon, they didn't mention they'd just be looping the season. I almost cried when I realized I was watching the king crab season (which we all know happened BEFORE opilio), when I should have been seeing the end of the opilio season. Bastards. Did you see the part where the green horn (I don't remember which boat he was on) threw a dead fish into the king crab holding tank? It started to rot and killed, like, hundreds of crab. I bet he felt like an ass.
Posted by: Heather at June 2, 2005 09:58 AMDid someone mention Bon Jovi?
Posted by: Torrie at June 2, 2005 10:48 AMI love that show!! I totally understand what you mean!
Posted by: Michelle at June 2, 2005 11:18 AMMy bf and I caught the same marathon of Deadliest Catch on Monday. Like you, we were hooked! I like the Norwegian, Sig Hansen, simply because we share the same last name. Looking forward to next week's episode. Enjoy!
Posted by: Kristin at June 2, 2005 11:19 AMI actually knew a guy who was the captain of a fishing vessel that worked in the Bering (sp) Straight catching crabs. The man like worked a couple of months and then was off the rest of the year. Of course he also sunk one ship and lost a few crewmen one season. Still, the appeal of having a majority of the year off if you can keep from dying on your job sounds appealing.
Posted by: jimmy c at June 2, 2005 01:32 PMI'm looking forward to a mix of your two "tense up" shows, when Brittny Gastineau is forced to join the crew of a crab-fishing vessel and tries not to die. Now that would be excellent!
Posted by: Michael at June 2, 2005 03:50 PMFirst of all I love the puns, intentional or not. Secondly, I've been watching the show some myself (by default - my father's addicted), and I can't say it's the most exciting show on television. Of course, I'm still caught up in old reruns of Sex and The City!
Posted by: Brianne at June 2, 2005 11:34 PMI used to get fixed on shows, I still do...I am glad that I am not the only one...
Posted by: kassi at June 3, 2005 02:49 PMNo there is something wrong with your header blurb. I need woman as fish needs water. And I know women need men, pretty badly, too. BTW, I like your site though disagree with some of the undercurrents here.
Posted by: Shi at June 4, 2005 07:10 AMCute! I spent the week looking at damn fish at the beach, think I will pass on the show, though I don;t get it here
Posted by: mrsmogul at June 4, 2005 07:53 AMI too am hooked! I love that show and I did watch the king crab season. Oh The Discovery Channel has it going on. :)
Posted by: Brandy at June 4, 2005 05:44 PMNo.
Posted by: robin alexa at June 5, 2005 04:19 PMTwo crab-style comments:
When I was younger I feared seafood.... probably related to the time my Dad returned from Boston with live lobsters, which chased my five year-old ass around the kitchen. So when my friends and I were doing our Jack Kerouac impersonation out west at seventeen, and found a guy by the side of Hwy 1 selling king crab for less than you'd pay for a pack of Camels today, I sat it out. I watched from a distance while they raised their cholesterol to crisis levels. Nowadays, I'd break a man's arm for a crack at that crab.
We also used to call crawfish "crabs" when I was a kid at our lake in Wisconsin... I still can't get over that. Check out the latest entry in bobworld deluxe.
Posted by: prufrock at June 7, 2005 06:50 PM