“This is a tradition in Argentina,” she said. Marina’s voice was light, like a whisper, and heavily accented. She leaned in, sweetly kissed both of my cheeks and then tugged gently at my earlobes. “How many years are you?”
I smiled. “Twenty-seven.”
“One, two, three…” she counted as she pulled at my ears, alternating right to left. Tug, tug. “four, five…” She reached twenty-seven, stood back, smiled again and said, “You have a happy day.” Then she went back to work.
I stood still for a moment, hands over my ears, smiling, maybe even blushing. It should have been weird, I suppose, having a coworker I don’t know well touch me like that. After all, ears aren’t one of those frequently-manhandled body parts. They’re intimate. Which is what that moment was -- unexpectedly intimate and sweet.
If it hasn’t been made abundantly clear over the few years I’ve been writing here, I tend to be narrowly focused. Molehills are my mountains. I take small moments, hold them up to the light like film negatives, over-study the details and pick at their significance. I’m obsessed with meaning. And I realize that perhaps the little things mean too much to me. The tenderness of a simple birthday wish, for example -- why is it compelling? Because it was so real.
People sometimes talk about life in terms of milestones – graduations, birthdays, marriage, babies. When you’re seventeen, you’re waiting for eighteen. College is much less about learning than it is about simply graduating. And when you’re dating, you’re waiting to meet The Right One and settle down. So much waiting. I guess somewhere along the line, I decided that I can’t be an “I’ll be happy when…” person. I’ve learned that I’m not a bigger-picture person. Even if I want to be.
I can’t stomach the idea of looking down the road, trying to divine how it’s all supposed to turn out – trying to figure out the next chapter of my life book. I can’t see that chapter. I can’t touch it and I can’t count on it. I can, though, collect these vignettes and dwell on things like rows of strawberries and extra long hugs and earlobes tugs. I have to. Otherwise, I feel like I might always be waiting for the Next Big Thing to happen. And always being more than a little bit afraid that it won’t.
Sheesh! That made me cry a little!
Posted by: HeatherAnne at July 20, 2005 01:48 PMCONGRATS FOR BEING A LIVING IN THE MOMENT KIND OF PERSON. THAT WONDERFUL TRAIT DOES NOT COME EASY TO MANY OF US...
Posted by: Alice at July 20, 2005 01:57 PMI love this. Well Written. You just put into words exactly what I've spent the last year trying to figure out.
Hope you had a Fabulous Birthday!
Posted by: Alecia at July 20, 2005 02:14 PMBeautiful post. I think you just helped me in more ways than one. Thank you!
Posted by: Alexis at July 20, 2005 02:32 PMWell put and a belated, happy, ear-tugging birthday to you!
Posted by: Bob at July 20, 2005 02:33 PMLife is a long string of tiny moments like these. It's taken me years to learn to cherish the little things and it's made me much happier now that I can. Lovely post.
Posted by: Coelecanth at July 20, 2005 02:33 PMSomeone pulled on your earlobes 27 times? I would KILL someone who tried to pull that crap to me - I can't believe you let it go on that long, once they got to about 5 and I figured out what they were doing, I would kick them right in the eye (I'm a very high kicker).
Posted by: Jacob at July 20, 2005 02:34 PMThat's a fantastic way to live your life....Happy Day After Your Birthday!
Posted by: Kristin at July 20, 2005 02:49 PMbeautifully written.
all the big things are just made up of many little things anyway. enjoy the little things, it is a rare gift to be able to do so.
What a lovely entry. Looking forward to reading your next vignette.
Posted by: Jillian at July 20, 2005 03:26 PMYour writing is particularly lovely lately. Best birthday wishes!
Posted by: Elisabeth at July 20, 2005 03:29 PMThis is my most favorite thing you have ever written.
Thanks,
M.
lovely. thank you.
Posted by: red at July 20, 2005 03:57 PMawwww beautiful. it was not until i had my son (who is now 14 months) that i grasped the concept of the little things. now, regardless of my wonderings about his future, i am daily called to concentrate on the little things: the ladybug, rainstorms, splashing in puddles. it's so cliche - but you put it well. it really truly is the micromoments that make up our lives.
Posted by: natalie at July 20, 2005 04:09 PMFANTASTIC!!! Moved me to tears...and I love the earlobe tug thing...that's soooo cool.
Posted by: Ashleigh at July 20, 2005 05:20 PMOh yeah...and the HAPPIEST of late birthday wishes :)
Posted by: Ashleigh at July 20, 2005 05:21 PMI just turned 27 last week - thanks for sharing this great thought!
Posted by: Lesterhead at July 20, 2005 05:48 PMsorry, charlie. dwell on strawberry rows and earlobe tugs all you want, but you're clearly meant for big things. if i were you, i'd start practicing generic acceptance speeches.
(and put a bosom reference in one of 'em, for me, will ya?)
Posted by: brandon at July 20, 2005 07:55 PMPunkin, go for the molehills, the vignettes,
and stay focused on the little things. Forget
the milestones. They show up when they are
supposed to. And usually when they are least
expected. There's no sense looking for 'em,
or waiting for 'em. Trust me on this one...
we don't control the Big Picture.
As for focus and context, life is a daily battle
or dance (depending on your point of view or
testosterone level.) We live our lives in Present
Tense which means "the little picture." I lived there
comfortably for years. Sure there are doubts, but
you stay busy, have a nice dinner, and look ahead.
For me, it took holding my Wife on Christmas
Day, watching her draw her last breath, willing
her to live and knowing deep inside that it was
Over to achieve my Milestone.
It's not a path to any level of insight that I would
wish on anyone. And yet, I can say now my view
of just about everything has changed. Yeah, the
Big Picture...Terrific. For what it's worth, I'd much
rather have my lovely Bride's arms hugging me
when I fall asleep. Under the covers, she had
perfect warm feet.
My Milestone was realizing how great all the little
dopey, superficial things really are. All the stuff
that you dismiss, or ignore (or you find mildly
annoying) are the building blocks of your life.
The little things are ultimately the Big Things.
Go figure....
I think your Blog is Great! Just keep doing what
you're doing and I bet you will be Just Fine.
Keep writing. Keep thinking and feeling and talking
about it. The Present Tense, doubts and all, is
still the right place to be. Milestones are highly
overrated...
And a belated Happy Birthday.
Posted by: WestsideB at July 20, 2005 08:04 PMWow. Today is a perfect example of why I keep stopping in to this blog. Thanks to the Fish and to WestsideB.
Posted by: Doug at July 21, 2005 12:30 AMMy nuts hurt.
Posted by: Rocco Yamamoto at July 21, 2005 01:15 AMYou are describing ME! I only just realized that I need to stop dwelling on what's wrong, what's not perfect, and realize how many things in fact are pretty darn good. Thanks for putting it into words, Fish.
And happy 27th.
Posted by: PLD at July 21, 2005 11:14 AMOne of the few only semi-corny quotes I saved from my excruciatingly corny "quote of the day" desk calender last year was this: Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments - Rose Kennedy. Which is kinda cool when you think about it - milestones are good, but nothing beats the way unexpected moments sneak up and surprise you.
Posted by: Dani at July 21, 2005 11:35 AMI don't read you site to often but I must say this was one of my all time favorite posts anywhere.
A coworker tugged on my earlobes in the same tradition. We've been dear friends ever since. Thanks for reminding me to take it day by day and be ok with it.
Posted by: SaraJane at July 21, 2005 11:52 AMGreat post. Inspirational too.
Posted by: Joan at July 21, 2005 12:16 PMI'm a guy so the image of a woman sweetly kissing another woman's cheeks makes me say: I'm moving to Argentina.
Posted by: Comment Man at July 21, 2005 12:46 PMHello again. I'm glad I came back for another read. That has to be the cutest, sweetest, non-intimate intimate moment story I have ever read.
I also agree with a lot of you said in this post. For me, "college" was about getting a degree and going somewhere; once there, it really was about the learning, but not for the degree I signed up for. I came to appreciate the English language and good literature--and people--more.
I can't see past a certain point, either. Maybe that's good because that probably means that I'm halfway to regarding the little things as more precious in my life.
Thanks for the inspiration. You're wonderful.
Posted by: Brian Fletcher at July 21, 2005 03:26 PMfor risk of sounding like a 13 year old as I pound my left hand on my chest and say "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"..
I will say..this is wonderful, I think one of the best.
God, the lifetimes we all waste just trying to grasp pieces of this clarity! 27th is a charm!
I have learned to rely on the little things to make me smile- get me through the day sometimes- I've found that a whole lot of little things can really balance out one big bad thing so it doesn't seem as big or as bad... maybe it's just a protection method- but it sure beats passing up those little excuses to smile!
Posted by: kentuckygirl at July 21, 2005 04:33 PMHappy belated birthday.
Posted by: tuesday at July 21, 2005 05:56 PMSuch a sweet story. It's those little events in life that you will never ever forget.
Posted by: Jen at July 21, 2005 06:34 PMJust moved to the city. Your posts (archives too) have smoothed the transitions. Thanks for grappling with it all in public...reassuring for the rest of us. Happy Birthday.
Posted by: Barefoot Hermes at July 21, 2005 08:05 PMWow. You had me at vignette. Thanks for reminding us to enjoy the little things. One of them[for me] being reading your blog every evening.
Posted by: mama_to_colin at July 21, 2005 10:34 PMThat was a beautiful post. I don't think it could be said any better. GNight!
Posted by: Mexi Mixin at July 22, 2005 01:14 AMExactly how I feel! :-D
Posted by: SillyCrazyMe at July 22, 2005 09:01 AMWow. I can't even describe the look that came over my face as I read that last comment. How about "utter horror"?
HEY FISH, WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONE HOW YOUR VAGINA IS DOING?? WE DESERVE TO KNOW!! WE DEMAND AND CLAMOR TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOUR VAGINA!!
Posted by: light at July 22, 2005 02:32 PMI wish I had random ear lobe stories to tell. Anyway, excellent advice to all of us. Live for today and don't take anything too seriously!
Posted by: alex at July 22, 2005 03:50 PMWow, Fish, Wow. I've been waiting forty years for someone to put that into words.
Today I had an awesome friend point out that this story reminded her of me. And that I needed to remember I'm like you...And that it is important I remember I am like you...And to not forget it. Cause to be like you really is beautiful.
Tearful, huh?
From Fish: "I can’t stomach the idea of looking down the road, trying to divine how it’s all supposed to turn out – trying to figure out the next chapter of my life book. I can’t see that chapter. I can’t touch it and I can’t count on it."
Please, don't ever grow up....Ever. It is highly over-rated. Just keep looking for that next best thing.........
Posted by: RP in ATL at July 22, 2005 09:09 PMYou've discovered the secret. This moment is all we're promised; everything else is just dessert.
Hope you had a wonderful birthday and many more moments to come.
Posted by: Megan at July 24, 2005 09:50 AMFunny, I was going to name my current post, "The next big thing," but thought Stephanie would kill me cuz of her fat fears.
Posted by: Plantation at July 24, 2005 11:09 AM