The Dork Lord loves scary movies. And, predictably, really bad Sci-Fi. I once sat through Hell Boy II and came dangerously close to suffering tissue damage from rolling my eyes so far into the back of my head. Really, Selma Blair? REALLY? Rarely do his… tastes in film cause conflicts, though, because we’re both quite happy to meet in the middle, somewhere between Vicky Christina Barcelona and Another Movie Where Cops Behave Badly. Sure, sometimes that middle is Eagle Eye (AKA, I, Robot, Want to Kill the President), but usually it’s something like W and everyone comes out of the experience feeling informed and well pleased.
But the last few times we’ve wandered Blockbuster, and knowing full well my sensitivity to gore and violence, the Boy has asked to take home Quarantine.
No, and um, no.
“Why not? It’s a heartwarming tale about…”
“Don’t bother to read me the back. I see the cover. There’s crazy zombie disease written all over it.”
Sure, there was pleading in his sad, Sci-Fi loving eyes, but I held my ground. Until… well, until I realized yet again that I am a gigantic sucker. On my way home from work yesterday (and even before he called with upcoming root canal news), I decided to surprise him with the last DVD that I would ever watch while still in possession of my faculties. I mean, what says love like setting yourself up for weeks of nightmares? Nothing. Except for maybe a diamond. They’re forever, you know.
Naturally, he was thrilled with his surprise. And eventually, so was I because my god, what a ridiculous farce of a horror film that was. I’ve had subway rides that filled me with more fear. Watching a small child with people rabies gnaw on her mother’s neck not only didn’t scare me, it plastered a big old grin right on my face. Because I had just gotten off so freaking easy.
Far, far easier than he will when I bring home Nights in Rodanthe. Insert evil laugh here.
Yup… it’s all about compromise.
This relationship of yours seems truly lovely and I’m so very happy for you!
It’s probably all ruined by now… I’ve never seen Quarantine, but the Spanish film, REC, that it’s based on is actually quite tremendous. One of the best horror films I’ve ever seen. Americans just have a need to bastardize and remake everything because they lack a single remaining original ideal.
Everytime you write the Dork Lord, I immediately think the Dark Lord, Sauron, Lord of the Rings. I get confused for a second. But then I laugh because Dork Lord, that is funny.
Those types of movies are the only ones I won’t watch with my husband. I am the person that is scared by the scene you described. Even though I know it is ridiculous.
Nights in Rodanthe…he’s toast.
I’m the same way! I refuse to watch some movies with my husband! Like Texas Chainsaw Massacre & Hostel. I just won’t put myself through that!!!! lol I get scared so easily!
But on occasion he gives in & watches my movies like Devil Wear Prada. And everytime he goes to Blockbuster to buy a new game he comes home with a season of Sex & The City for me
but the costumes in Hellboy2 were beautiful.
Fish – if you need a peace offering at some point in the future, try the “horror” film, Black Sheep. It’s not remotely scary and is truly heinous (enough to make you laugh through most of it). Dann -Nice sweeping generalizations. I feel all warm inside.
This is funny because I can’t get MY guy to watch the horror movies with ME! He refuses, and I hate it. I mean, I get that most horror movies are either gory or ridiculous, but isn’t that the fun part? It totally reminds me of being a little girl and having sleepovers and staying up late watching all the scariest movies (Jason, Freddy, Texas Chainsaw Massacre…) But my guy? Nope! So I have to rent them and watch them all alone in the dark with our dogs instead.
Oh man, I friggin’ cried my friggin’ eyes out watching Nights in Rodanthe…. on the friggin’ plane! The Dork Lord is going to be the one with nightmares after you guys watch that
Please use your credit on this on ANY other chick flick than Nights in Rodanthe. I imagine the book is great, but the movie is just long, slow and only gets good in the last few minutes. So please, for your sake, pick something else! You deserve it! Oh and, does the Dork Lord have any brothers?
Eek- I hate scary movies. I like suspense but I’m so jumpy- I watched Gone Baby Gone on Sunday and nearly gave my dog a coronary by leaping into the air when the phone rang.
Still need to see Nights in Rodanthe…
Hey Fish, I’m not sure if anyone has brought this up yet – the fact that this guy is possibly the Chandler to your Monica? Better for you than Richard? I’m just sayin…
The first valentines day my now husband and I spent together (we had our first date Feb. 11), I rented Alien vs. Predator to watch because he REALLY wanted to see it. I convinced him watch Pride and Prejudice this year!
I love reading your blog.
I gotta tell you, Nights in Rodanthe sucked. Bad. I know you can find a better sappy love movie than that.
Brilliant!!!!!
I’m lucky, Hubby and I have similar taste in movies. But he HAS sat through a few lame ones with me, bless him!
i would get another movie. “nights” is a terrible movie with the worst effects (the house is completely fake and super imposed) and there is no chemistry what so ever btw the lead characters. rent “officer and a gentlemen” or “under the tuscan sun”….
I would bother with Nights in Rodanthe. It so sucked, so Big Time. Especially sucked so, like if you have all ready read the book by Nicholas Sparks. Who so happens to be one of my fav authors of all time! The book is marvelous!! The movie, like I said before, Just Sucks! It’s just a waste of money, even for a Blockbuster DVD movie. Sad, but true, my friend.
Oh Fish… Nights of Rodanthe? You’re cruel! I just watched this last week and I have to warn you it will make you cry the “ugly cry” the kind of cry that you would never want a man to see you do. We’re talking balling, snotty nose, a slight bit of the shakes kind of cry. Don’t do it! I won’t spoil it but we have all been somewhat “there” and this will hurt to watch…Wasn’t it you that said you have caught yourself crying during commercials lately? Being overly emotional? Before you do this are you sure the Dork Lord can handle seeing that side of you?
Am I the only one who has picked up on the word “diamond”… As in might there be one in ring form in your not too distant future?
Nah, that’s just me being a smart ass about the diamond industry.
nights is rodanthe = worst movie ever, don’t bother unless you are sleep deprived and looking for a good sedative.
HA! Just last night I was telling Boyfriend that he’s clearly the girl in this relationship. He was flipping through the channel guy and exclaimed when he saw that 27 Dresses was on.
Oh, hell no. I hate those movies. Sex & the City, no thanks. Gag.
That’s not to say that he ONLY likes chick flicks. He’s just more likely to watch them than I am. He’d suggest “He’s just not that into you” and I’d counter with “Can’t we go see Watchmen instead?” Honestly, give me a good spy thriller/video game or graphic novel adapted to film/sci fi/craptistic action flick with car chases any day.
Not that he’s complaining at all. In fact, he’s jealous that I’ve seen every single movie he’s ever wanted to see already, because he was never allowed to. His ex girlfriend thought they all looked stupid. So of course, I’m the perfect girlfriend now.
(He does audio for video games, so he kind of has to see these movies and I am more than happy to oblige and make recommendations. In fact, I think our first date movie was 30 Days of Night, at my request, because it had just come out in theaters.)
But c’mon – Hellboy?? Hellboy II? You have to go see them in the spirit with which they are intended to be watched. As for “really bad sci-fi”… be honest. Would you consider ANY sci fi to be good? For the record, I am an attractive, 33 year old woman and I LOVE Hellboy. And Quarantine. And Battlestar Galactica. And 30 Days of Night… you get the picture. (Though, also for the record, I’m well rounded. I also LOVED Vickie Christina Barcelona. I also love my foreign language films, art films, and independent. Really, the only movies I refuse to watch are the “chick flicks.” Movies about women shopping and bitching about men for 2 hours or saccharine sweet, completely predictable, sappy love stories? No thanks.)
And honestly, it’s never a fair trade for the men. How many chick flicks do they have to watch for every ONE non-chick flick movie they have to beg to see?
HA! Just last night I was telling Boyfriend that he’s clearly the girl in this relationship. He was flipping through the channel guy and exclaimed when he saw that 27 Dresses was on.
Oh, hell no. I hate those movies. Sex & the City, no thanks. Gag.
That’s not to say that he ONLY likes chick flicks. He’s just more likely to watch them than I am. He’d suggest “He’s just not that into you” and I’d counter with “Can’t we go see Watchmen instead?” Honestly, give me a good spy thriller/video game or graphic novel adapted to film/sci fi/craptistic action flick with car chases any day.
Not that he’s complaining at all. In fact, he’s jealous that I’ve seen every single movie he’s ever wanted to see already, because he was never allowed to. His ex girlfriend thought they all looked stupid. So of course, I’m the perfect girlfriend now.
(He does audio for video games, so he kind of has to see these movies and I am more than happy to oblige and make recommendations. In fact, I think our first date movie was 30 Days of Night, at my request, because it had just come out in theaters.)
But c’mon – Hellboy?? Hellboy II? You have to go see them in the spirit with which they are intended to be watched. As for “really bad sci-fi”… be honest. Would you consider ANY sci fi to be good? For the record, I am an attractive, 33 year old woman and I LOVE Hellboy. And Quarantine. And Battlestar Galactica. And 30 Days of Night… you get the picture. (Though, also for the record, I’m well rounded. I also LOVED Vickie Christina Barcelona. I also love my foreign language films, art films, and independent. Really, the only movies I refuse to watch are the “chick flicks.” Movies about women shopping and bitching about men for 2 hours or saccharine sweet, completely predictable, sappy love stories? No thanks.)
And honestly, it’s never a fair trade for the men. How many chick flicks do they have to watch for every ONE non-chick flick movie they have to beg to see?
Yeah, but Jay Hernandez is still hot though.
And honestly, it’s never a fair trade for the men. How many chick flicks do they have to watch for every ONE non-chick flick movie they have to beg to see?
i was saved from having to watch quarantine by the fact that my dog decided it was unsuitable material for watching and ate it while i was out of the apartment. i then claimed to netflix that i had sent it and they never received it, and i did NOT request a replacement. my dog eating it had to be a sign.
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