getting over, under, around & through

Here’s the thing about heartbreak:

People will be careless. They will be self involved and they will be oblivious. But I have found that rarely are people purposefully cruel. Which is actually worse, if you ask me. See, if someone mistreats you with that express goal in mind, well then, that makes them a bad person and you have every right to be angry, feel hateful or spend your life savings paying Guido and Co. to break the bastard’s legs on his way to work one cold, Wednesday morning.

Totally justified.

But when it is simply a matter of circumstance, timing or geography, your disappointment is really just a nasty byproduct of someone else’s prerogative. And there is nothing you can do about it.

Well, that’s not completely true. You can have a good cry. Or two. Or three. It really all depends on your level of disbelief. Some of us can go on for quite a while insisting that there must be some mistake (those being the same of us who read too many fairy tales or watched too many Disney movies), getting some pretty decent mileage off of what should have been one relatively small let-down.

It may have only been the icing on the cake.

You may be inclined to agree with Paul and say that had it been bigger, it would have been easier to handle. Had it been one of the many other walloping defeats of 2003, then I could have chalked it up to yet another experience in no longer leading a charmed life. But when it was such an unexpected belly-flop… when he didn’t intend to break my heart and I didn’t intend to let him, but it happened just the same, and it all came as such a complete shock that I got dizzy and had to sit down on a stool in the middle of a strange bar in a strange part of town just to make my head stop spinning… well, that’s when something snaps.

(And run-on sentences become the norm.)

But even the “snap” phase has to have its statute of limitations. Because you don’t want to get fired for being a complete space case and you don’t want to see that pile of laundry swallow your kitten whole, you decide to stop feeling sorry for yourself for at least a few hours every day until that becomes the norm and you get your real life back.

It’s not a huge victory, by any means. More like a Stuart Smalley moment. And then again, an unexpected Stuart Smalley moment can become the icing on the cake. But,you know, in a good way this time.

I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it…

Well, you understand.

18 comments to getting over, under, around & through

  • Ari

    It is truly awful to simply be strolling down the street when suddenly your breath is ripped away from you. I know. It’s happened to me. And anyone else who has lived and felt. And it’s awful. Terrible. Cruel and unkind. And thank god… it goes away. It takes awhile, and it isn’t erased. And just as quietly as it eventually slips away it can conversly sideswipe its way back in with nothing more than a smell or a shade of color to have provoked it.

    Emotional terrorism.

    If anyone is equipped it’s you. You will SO be fine. Besides, if you’re going to have to travel for a man, it might as well be to fascinating locales. Strictly.

  • well, it was never a matter of have to and it really must be said that this is of my own doing.

    that’s why I feel like kicking my own ass :)

  • Michael Too

    If you won an Oscar you could do the Sally Field speech because we do like you; we really, really like you!

  • I would love to say something sincere and heartfelt that would Put Everything In Perspective, and Make It All Right, but I suck at that, even though I’m thinking all the right things. So just imagine that I did say something nice instead of copping out.

  • Katherine

    There’s a new movie coming out in which the main protagonist undergoes a procedure to erase painful memory. I thought of all my painful memories and realized if I didn’t have them I’d probably be intolerable, a jerk-face. Heartbreak beats us to a nice juicy pulp but somehow I wouldn’t give it up. Because at every end, it’s shaped a better me. I don’t wonder if I will have to endure more of it, just how much…

  • Thank you. I’ve been reading your blog for some time now, lurking about. However, after reading that oh-so-pertinent entry, I just had to say thanks ever so much.

  • I”ll try not to tread into the ADVICE FREE ZONE, but you have all of the answers inside of you.

    Just keep pushing on.

  • Ari

    The coldest thing is when someone knowingly hurts you and then just walks away.

  • Ari

    That is a complete bastard.

  • Wow, Ari! Let’s work through that pain! Some Viggo, maybe?

  • Patron Saint of Drunken Fornication


    It gets better.

  • I have been reading your blog for a while but have never commented. I can completely relate and hope you feel better soon.

  • Ari

    Viggo. Always Viggo. And then some more Viggo. Yes please!

  • i suppose i was never really as well-adjusted as you – i was always bitter and blame-casting about breakups.

    we need more fishes in the world, no?

  • I am going through a breakup myself right now. But I am sort of in the other shoes. It’s not really any less heartbreaking. I don’t think anyway.

    I love your blog, I hope you don’t mind that I linked you to my page.

  • tab

    I’m in a similar situation, still debating whether mistaken and accidental heartbreak was the case with my ex or if he’s just a manipulative asshole.. so hard to tell.

  • iya

    you know what the hardest thing about a heart being broken? it is that moment just after waking up, when you feel all refreshed and everything is still hazy. you smile and think everything is fine and dandy. then, you suddenly remember the pain of losing, and you yourself are lost in your own tears. afterwards, you spend the day as if you haven’t slept at all.

    when will this ever end?

  • [...] with all credit to the original writer (none of it is in any way, shape or form mine), here it is (and go check out Heather’s blog if you like her writing – she really is good).  [...]