I woke up this morning exactly where I fell asleep but still, somehow, on the wrong side of the bed. Hoo boy, was I cranky! I was cranky with my sleeping boyfriend, whose GIGANTIC head was taking up half of my pillow. Cranky with the cat for (seriously, the nerve) wanting to be fed. And cranky all the way through my workout (between sets, I had intensely bitter, imaginary arguments with everyone I anticipated dealing with that day) until I caught my image in the mini-gym mirrors. Watching them reflect my cranky face – incidentally, strikingly similar to the expression my mother wore on her face for oh, two and a half years before The Divorce – was a kick in the sweatpants. On the list of things I’m glad to inherit from my mother (soft skin, ninja like organizational skills, very nice penmanship) mad face is not one of them. I will be spending this weekend renting beauty pageant documentaries so as how to learn to put on a pretty happy face when I don’t mean it even a little bit. Vaseline on my teeth and such.
Speaking of mad, I want to quickly address the last post and the number of you who are SO.UNHAPPY. about the last line. Friends, I cannot imagine any of you being around this long and still taking me so seriously that you’d get upset by that. Was it smug? Oh, yes. Overly so. Because it was tongue-in-cheek and meant to be silly. Jeez louise. Do I literally mean that my big-headed boyfriend is better than all the other men out there? Um, no. If your man is being a twerp, gimme a holler and we can talk about the time mine announced that marriage sounds like a really awful idea – right before the lights went down in a movie theater. At that moment, my boyfriend was not better than anyone’s boyfriend and I seriously questioned the dedication it took to sit through Terminator: Part Christian Bale for such a man. Or about the time we moved and I did all (ALL!) the unpacking while he futzed around with computer cords. Look, I’m in a human relationship. If some days I feel like crowing, there are plenty of days when I feel like issuing karate chops to sensitive parts. It’s funny, because I was in the middle of writing a big old essay about the harder, not-so-cheery parts of my relationship, but hadn’t posted it for fear it was too negative. Now I’m wondering if that’s really more up the collective alley.
Food for thought, I suppose.
I myself am very happy for you. And all the people out there who have so much negativity towards you now that you are happy should, perhaps, take a long look at themselves.
Of course after this post I had to go back to the last post to see the snarky comments, and snarky they were! But really (and this is just my opinion)that last line read just how I would think you wanted it too, lighthearted and joking. There’s no question that you weren’t trying to make anyone feel bad, nor did that comment convey any type of insecurity as far as your relationship goes. In reading your blog for the past few years (after catching up on the archives) you’ve gone through a lot of crappy, broken bicycles in order to get to where you are now. So you SHOULD gloat, and you SHOULD be a little smug; but what you SHOULDN’T do is have to apologize for being happy, and explain yourself to your readers. If they don’t get it by now, they never will, and there are plenty of misery-driven blogs out there that they can read instead.
(sorry this was so wordy!)
Don’t ever not post! You are such a gifted writer. People need to check themselves and appreciate the art and not judge, at least outloud, let alone misinterpret or take things so literally. But alas, that is why you are a writer and most of us just readers.
As a former beauty pageant contestant, I can tell you, your cheeks get f-ing sore and tired!
ps I hate mad face days.
oh I’m so happy that someone else has imaginary arguments with others while on the eliptical =)
Don’t usually read the comments, so was unaware of all of the seething jealousy and pissiness the previous post generated until reading about it on Facebook.
Eehhh….let ‘em gripe…my husband’s better than your boyfriend
….unless he forgets to feed the dog, change the laundry over or pay the phone bill. Relationships are all about the ups and downs. Good for you for celebrating one of the “highs.”
P.S. Pretty sure ALL male sig others put their big freaking heads on our pillows. I HATE that because I’m a huge fan of the cool side of a pillow. Pretty hard to find when his head is on it acting like a stupid hot water bottle!
For the record: As one who was recently dumped on my ass by an absolute dreamboat, I would love the post wherein you bitch about your boyfriend.
As for my reaction to the last line in the last post, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it kind of made me want to punch you. Sorry.
Honestly, Fish. You had to write a separate blog just to appease EP (and yourself)? Why! From what I can see in the 26 comments to The Hug Alternative, EP was the only person (and Natalie78, who is EP in a really bad disguise) who sorta kinda maybe took issue with your last line, and even then, acknowledged that you probably meant it with friendly/silly intentions. Haven’t you come far enough in your blogging to let such comments roll off your back? In my mind, it wasn’t even a big deal. Your comment was sweet, so very characteristic, and lovable. Nobody had a problem with it, not even EP.
Honestly, Fish. You had to write a separate blog just to appease EP (and yourself)? Why! From what I can see in the 26 comments to The Hug Alternative, EP was the only person (and Natalie78, who is EP in a really bad disguise) who sorta kinda maybe took issue with your last line, and even then, acknowledged that you probably meant it with friendly/silly intentions. Haven’t you come far enough in your blogging to let such comments roll off your back? In my mind, it wasn’t even a big deal. Your comment was sweet, so very characteristic, and lovable. Nobody had a problem with it, not even EP.
I second Andrea’s comments. And let me just say that if I, who really did break up with my boyfriend the night before reading your last post because he was totally missing the romantic, considerate, thoughtful gene, can smile at that last line and be thrilled that you are finally in a good relationship, then so can everyone else!
I don’t think you should have to apologize for being silly and happy on your own blog. I also don’t think you need to worry about being too negative either. Write what you feel and people can either read it or go away and read something else.
Funny, and I thought we’d all come far enough that we could stop hiding our comments behind anonymity.
Look, I like to be understood – my intention as well as the literal message. I am fully aware that I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t explain myself. And today, I chose the former.
The movie theatre? Yeah…I’m living that daily.
The boy I’m dating likes to bring up the subject of marriage on a VERY regular basis. Our story is an odd one, which involves careers, a year of a casual long-distance relationship and a year of no real contact before trying again. This time with an understanding that it would be low key; no real expectations means nobody gets hurt. Sure. We don’t see getting married. Fine. Except for the part where he tells me ALL the time that I’m not the one for him. i.e. Its a good thing you’re not “the one” or else I’d have to get a bigger bed since you hog my side. Its playful and sarcastic and now begs the consideration, “me thinks thou doth protest too much”?
I adore him but I refuse to be “that girl”. You know, the one who refuses to see the trainwreck coming down the tracks bc “he’ll change his mind” or eventually “come around”. Although his actions certainly say something different, I’m going by what he says.
So you sat through a 2 hour movie, and I’ve been sitting through 2 months of it. Do you think I should walk out of wait until the lights come up?
Seemed like a perfect ending statement to me. People get their panties in a wad so easily. And you’re right, if they are keeping up with your blog then they should know you by now. What’s not to know anyway? You are a wonderfully humorous writer. Keep up the good work.
Heather, I am loving ALL glimpses into your relationship. Sometimes it makes me a little envious, sometimes it gives me a little schadenfreude, sometimes it gives me a huge sigh of relief that there are other people who are realistic about their human relationships.
That’s what good writing should do. And clearly, you’re a fantastic writer.
Thank you for all you do and thank you for having the appreciation of your readers to address things like this. It humanizes you even more!
Best of luck with the not-so-perfect and congratulations on the perfect! I’ve got my own mix and the roller coaster ride is SO worth it, despite the downs.
Criminy. I can’t believe people complained about that. I am completely willing to concede that if your boyfriend and my husband were to get into a best geek boyfriend smackdown, they might tie.
I have no “cents” to add other than I enjoy your blog very much and appreciate you taking the time to address your readers.
Furthermore, I think we should all try to help Empathetic & Confused out. Sadly I am unable to give advice on the following: relationships, men, golfing, painting, and plants (as I am terrible with all of the above). Sorry E & C, I am not sure what to tell you! Hope the Fish has some advice!
all of us should have days of feeling like our boyfriend is the best man in the whole world. if we don’t, what’s the point of being in that relationship? i recently had one of those “my boyfriend is better than your boyfriend” moments, and i’m still shouting it from the proverbial rooftops! it gets you through the rough days, like getting laid off, or learning a loved one is sick. cherish those amazing moments and don’t let any sour grapes take away your joy, because we all know how far between those moments can be!!!
I’m surprised that no-one could tell you were being funny – oh well.
Advice (unsolicted) but advice and a question
1) whenever you feel yourself making mean face – put on moisturizer and lipstick – it’s hard to scowl with bright red lips – seriously! You will start to feel better.
2) Is this current boyfriend that thinks marriage is useless – was he kidding? Or is it something you’ve agreed upon?
Hope today is a better day!
You and me? Same morning. And my face is older than your face, so I win! What’s my prize?
Gee Fish, I didn’t realize you started forcing people to read your blog. Get over yourselves people! “My boyfriend is better than your boyfriend” is now a very usual comment between me and my bestie that also reads your blog. Sure it morphs into “my dog is better than your dog” or “my merlot is better than your merlot” but you get the point. Thanks for writing, the good and the bad moments.
It would seem not all your readers are happy at this moment in their lives. Else, why weigh so much importance on what you write about your own life? As someone already eluded to – it is a voluntary situation to read your blog. And I happen to love your writing and insights. But, I’ve been in the unhappy place, too – luckily they didn’t have blogs then! Because sometimes life throws you too much to handle, at least handle well. And I fear I would have anonymously vented my unhappiness all over the world wide web. But, schew, I got through my challenging times pre-Fish.
“All the sorrow and trouble of this world is caused by unhappy people…The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world.” —Elizabeth Gilbert
I suspect it’s because some people enjoy misery, especially when it’s someone else’s. Their loss.
Um. EFF THE HATERS!!!
Seriously. I’m a cynical bitch but DAMN. I can be happy for other people. Lighten up bitches.
Empathetic & Confused:
The real question is, do YOU see yourself marrying this man? If that’s what you want, and he says it’s not what he wants, then you have to take that at face value. You can give it time and see if he gets there (mine took 4 years to get there, but that’s a different story), or you can choose to leave now, and find someone who will want what you want. If you aren’t interested in marrying him, then I say stay in the relationship as long as it’s making you happy. (But this doesn’t sound like it’s making you happy.)
From the sound of your post, I think you’re hoping that he really does see you as “the one.” It’s time to have the hard conversation. He may not be able to give you any real answers, so only you can decide when enough is enough. I can’t imagine that hearing all of the time how you are not the one is good for your self-esteem. But being in a relationship that is not giving you what you want isn’t worth the heartache.
I’m pretty bummed that you even had to include that last paragraph… so sorry, dear… jealousy is one mean monster…
Fish… cranky is ok. Mad face is ok too. I guess I often wear the “mad face” even when I don’t realize it and I am in a decent mood. Must be the attorney’s I work with….
I simply think happy thoughts (although I never take flight, unfortunately. “Bum Fairy Dust” I guess….) and that usually will bring the smile on. Some days, it’s a concerted effort. I admit it.
You’re real. You generously share (which I voluntarily choose to read) your life with us and you make me laugh, sigh, think, appreciate, have faith and love in the process.
I’m grateful for you, Heather.
As for those who got “upset” over that last sentence… they’ve got to be UNDER 27 years of age. That line is older than me…and I know I’m older than you (probably by more than I wish to admit). Of course one of my favorite versions of that line is “My lawyer can beat up your lawyer”, etc.
I’m sorry if some of your (voluntary!!) readers make you feel as though you need to “justify” yourself, your thoughts and/or your words. Just stay true to you baby blue… everyone else will catch on in time.
How’s that nephew of yours doing?!?! My friend and her life partner just gave birth to idential twin boys about a week ago. Can’t wait to see them! Also hoping your sis is feeling good too.
Well, I’M surely not mad. My boyfriend’s better though.
Except when he, too, messes with computer cords. Ah, the hazards of geek love.
Holy mother there are some people out there with cranky face today. Hey Heather, my blog is better than your blog! Aahahahahaa, does anyone believe that one?! NO. Frig. Lighten up folks, it’s the internet not your high school year book. Sheesh.
I have been a long time reader of your blog but rarely comment or read other peoples comments, but after your post today I had to go see what all the fuss was about. I am amazed at the silliness of people!
Ya know that old saying “Misery loves Company”? Well, a truer statment could not have been said about this situation. Some of your readers are miserable and therefore want the rest of the world to be miserable with them.
I for one am THRILLED that you have found someone! And honestly, shouldn’t every woman feel that their boyfriend/husband is better than the rest of the men out there? Cause if you don’t then why the heck are you with them? Are our guys perfect? No! But mines perfect for me – and I am sure that the Boy is perfect for you and that is all that matters!
Fish – keep doing what you do – we love it and we love you!
Should check this out… all husbands/boyfriends are beautifully imperfect
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I3ZmNKYma0&feature=related
should check this… all of our husbands/boyfriends are beautifully imperfect!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I3ZmNKYma0&feature=related
If there weren’t times when you felt like your boyfriend was the best, it wouldn’t be worth it, would it? Be happy with those moments…they make all the less than stellar moments easier to handle. As for people that don’t understand that, well, they must be pretty unhappy (due to their own choices)!!
If you didn’t feel like your boyfriend was the best at times then it wouldn’t really be worth it, would it? Be happy with those moments; they are what make the less than stellar times easier to handle. For the people that don’t understand that, well, they must be really unhappy (due to their own choices)!!
I loved that last line. I read that last line and said (out loud, if I remember correctly) “This is why I started reading her blog! I love her tone!” And I’m happy for you both that you can identify and appreciate the good things about your boy, and identify, grit your teeth, and give raspberries to the not-so-great things. Human relationship, indeed. Good luck and best wishes.
Crow when you need to; bitch when you need to. That’s how this kinda thing works, and we enjoy reading about it.
I really don’t think you should feel like you need to apologize for this. It’s YOUR freaking blog. And it was funny. AND you’ve been through a lot and have every right and every reason to celebrate and jokingly brag about finally finding someone fantastic. I think every girl should feel like their “boyfriend is better than yours.” If you don’t feel that way, you’re probably in the wrong relationship. Keep up the smugness – I think it’s entertaining.
What if I said MY BLOG WAS BETTER THAN YOUR BLOG? Would it hurt your feelings? No, probably not. Because (1)You wouldn’t necessarily agree; and (2)You wouldn’t care. People who leave negative comments simply want what you have.
Please keep on blogging…the good, the bad, and the ugly.
j*
I read that last line in a sing song voice, laughed out loud, startled a coworker, then sighed because my cynicism can’t drown out just how happy you sound. And I couldn’t be more thrilled for you.
Don’t sweat the small stuff! I love your blog!
Joke ‘em if they can’t take a f*ck. (Or a smug in this case). We all have good relationship days, we all have bad relationship days, and you know, I think we’re all entitled to crow a little when the occasion presents itself.
Heather, you’re fantastic.
When I read the last line of your previous post (after “awwing” at the flowers part), I just thought to myself, ‘I’ve had those moments’. Like when I had a bad week last summer and he drove across the state to surprise me after work on a friday afternoon and spend the weekend with me. But, like everyone else, i’ve also had those moments when he wasn’t so great.
So, keep blogging and shrug it off. I like hearing the ups and downs of your relationship, it helps me realize that all relationships have their good and bad moments.
Fish: you’re obviously amazing, you deserve the best and frankly, you should scream it from the rooftops because you’re FABULOUS! If that makes people feel bad about themselves then they can bugger off and wallow in their misery rather than try to engulf you (and us) in it!
From a *single* lady who loves your blog!
Only one person posted a ‘snarky’ comment, and that person was me. And I apologized! I was having a bad day! And now there are multiple posts about the evil miserable people in the world who leave evil miserable comments because everyone who is happy has the right to scream it from the rooftops! And the people who are unhappy are unhappy because they are such unhappy people and boo! to them! And the happy people with boyfriends and husbands have the right to boyfriend you off! And if you don’t like then you should stop reading but they don’t have to stop reading! They can keep commenting on your one comment and turning it into something else! Oy vey!
Fish, not everyone is going to scoop up your words into sunshine balls all the time (myself included) but whatever. That’s the way it goes. People’s moods are mercurial and what is pleasing to some on one day won’t be on another day. Remember your post about being unhappy and sad on Monday, but what was true on Monday was less true on Tuesday, and by Wednesday, a new truth was in its place? Just keep writing. Please and thank you.
Being slightly lurkerish for, oh, 5 years or so, I feel I need to speak up and tell you that I am so happy for you that you are happy. I think it is high time and well deserved. On that particular day, your man probably was better than mine. But mine really has some spectacularly good days too.
P.S. I thought of you when I just got my new Indigo Girls CD, because I know you are a fan. And then I thought that a little odd. Oh well.
Fish, I just have to say that when I read the last line of that last post I did a “so cute!” smile for you guys and thought you were adorable. (And I just (sort of) ended a 5-year relationship with my guy!) I practically gave you a hug from way over here in California. Glad you guys are so happy.
I read that last line and laughed! who in their right mind really thought it was meanly meant?
oh and remember when your mom said you better stop making that face or it’ll get stuck there? She KNEW what she was talking about..sigh… I have the beginnings of the permafrown in between my eyes – @ 30! WTF! just remember that when you have a cranky day!
but FYI: Edward Cullen is better than anyone’s bf/husand…LOL!
At that moment, after the day you had, yes, your boyfriend was better than mine, and probably better than everyone else’s. Seriously, how great is he??? I, for one, am HAPPY for you!!!
(I’m sorry, I didn’t read the almost 50 other posts…so I might be repeating…..)
For the love of all things jogging pants, if you want to silly-ly gloat about the loveliness that is your man…go for it! I have too….and it feels good. That said, I agree, there are times when you want to kick them in the thing you need most (or perhaps second, depending how far up ‘making you coffee’ is on the list) and I have aired a little dirty laundry (more than I probably should) on my current blog and the one I had for about three years before….but whatever. You’re happy, you’re happy.
And I hear ya about the mad face. I got that from my mom, too. I’m not a fan.
Yeah, I gotta say, you have been annoyingly smug about your love life recently.
Fish- If ANY OF THOSE people who gave you a hard time had been following your blog for a *fraction* of the time us real readers have been, and had thus been able to understand the sheer GLEE of you finally finding someone who is worthy of you after all you’ve been through, and all the tears-on-the-pillows posts from dbags in bars whose hats you flicked and men who didn’t want children (see how loyal I am?), they would have joined the rest of your fans in a collective sigh of relief that you are finally HAPPY. And we all (the collective ‘we who know how adult relationships work’ we) know nothing is ever sushine-and-lollipops all the time, but it’s moments like yours that make everything else worth it.
Furthermore: it’s only in moments when people are actually in the middle of questioning the worthiness of their boyfriend that a comment like that would strike a nerve. Anyone with any confidence in themselves and their relationship would absolutely not take what you wrote personally. You could write on a blog “the sky is blue” and some people are going to post “What? Because green is my favorite color are you calling me a loser? Where do you get off??”. And that has NOTHING to do with you.
But you knew that already.
That is all.
Heather,
My boyfriend did the same thing to me when I moved into his place. He was so overwhelmed with all my stuff in HIS PLACE, he completely shut down. The only useful thing he could do was go fetch me some Burger King and keep the recliner warm.
Of course, later that night, when it took me twice as long to organize and put everything away, the only visible GIRL in the house was a bookcase filled with gender neutral reading material.
To this day, we laugh about his move in freak out.
Humph.
Maybe you have a lot of newbie readers at the moment — I thought that last post was FANTASTIC!! You totally deserve it. Have EARNED it, even! I think, once in a while, the Fairy Tale Should Come True.