what’s at the end of natalie portman’s leash?

February 21st, 2003

Dear Natalie Portman,

While your pajamas are v. cute (especially tucked into those big black boots as they were), and you’re a v. adorable person, must tell you that it appears you’ve got a rat at the other end of the that leash. That, or you have one fucking ugly dog. Am going to assume that you have a v. kind heart and have adopted said ratdog as an act of charity. Is the only explanation. No one buys an animal that mangy, right? Anyhow, as am aware of your celebrity status and thus v. busy schedule, will let you go. But first, must say again that did indeed like your flannel pjs and am greatly impressed by your kindness toward v. ugly animals.

Fondly,

H

Need quite desperately to do laundry again. Damn vicious cycle. Perhaps will resort to nudity and render the entire process unnecessary. Or perhaps not. Don’t really have the figure for prancing about in the buff, nor have any interesting tattoos to take focus away from less-than-perfect body parts. Besides, would have to shave my legs just way too often. Guess will be doing laundry this weekend.
Will also be getting full body massage. J, noting crazy stress that have been under, suggested that yours truly clear her calendar for Saturday afternoon. Said time is now booked for this fish to get a massage, courtesy of J. Good boy. V. good boy.

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