I’ve always been a little bit in love with MacGyver.
Not Richard Dean Anderson, mind you, but MacGyver. Brilliant-under-pressure, always saves the day Angus MacGyver. I know. It should be impossible to love someone named Angus. But what that man can do with a strip of duct tape and a Bick pen makes me hot in ways even the queerest of names could not cool. It’s the same sort of rowrrr that makes up for a name like Meriwether.
Last night, Rachel and I went to see a screening of Sahara. Adventure, intrigue, biceps, green eyes and the whitest smile you have ever seen on a rogue treasure-hunter who solves impossible problems right in the nick of time all the while rocking out to Sweet Home Alabama. A side kick, a love interest and an Admiral with a cigar.
It was Indiana Jones meets The A-Team set to the Forest Gump soundtrack.
And it should have been hot. But it wasn’t. It was silly. (Okay, a little hot. But Matthew McConaughey could make basement-dwelling D&D playing hot). Here was my biggest problem with the film: Aside from the fact that Penelope Cruz makes the least convincing ass-kicking heroine since…well, ever, every time our heroes got in a fix, they then got out of that fix magically. Not cleverly or practically. Just magically. One minute, they’re stranded on a sand dune and the next, sailing across the desert on the carcass of an old plane wreck. I nearly (and only nearly) let Matthew’s drool-inspiring biceps distract me from realizing that the whole thing made no sense. I mean, even MacGyver pulled a flaky save every now and again, but at least he went to the effort of convincing us that there was some measure of probability.
What was even more amusing, was that this guy sat next to us taking notes. Notes? I mean, I know he’s probably got to draft up a review or something, but what kind of notes could he have been taking?
Who does McConaughey’s teeth? Make appointment.
Aside from being completely ridiculous, Sahara was fun and worth sitting still for two hours. I’m serious about the teeth. They were like those glow-sticks at DisneyLand.
i do have to say how proud i am of penelope for expanding her range. when she dons the requisite scientist glasses, i am overwhelmed by how intelligent she seems. i expect this performance will earn her the starring role in ‘a beautiful mind, too’.
I’m having such a hard time believing Kurt Loder has been relegated to movie reviews…but now that you mention it, I haven’t seen him on TV much…and, in case you’re home with nothing to do some day soon, MacGyver is in reruns on both TVLand and Spike TV…I’m just saying…
i hate penelope cruz. i think she is a mediocre actress and she’s not that attractive to me. of course, she hooks up with almost every man she co-stars with at least for a little while…. so there’s got to be something about her.
maybe i’m just jealous because she and matthew mchottie, my favorite eye candy in hollywood, are together.
Oh Fish…the “Who does McConaughey’s teeth? Make appointment” line killed me. You’ve got some great lines
Maybe they should have asked Selma Hayek rather than Penelope Cruz? I bet she kicks better ass and she’s waaay better looking than Penelope.
Basement D&D is hot if you play it like we do.
Move to Paris, France.
Get a game group together with at least three women.
Always base the munchies on wine, bread, cheese, various dips and little veggies.
Let word-of-mouth run its course, and beat them off with a stick, laughing all the way to the Lizard Lounge for the post-game White Russian…
I love Clive Cussler’s books, and I’m eager to see Sahara since it’s one of my favorites of his. But I’ve always had the same feeling that it’s just these series of impossible situations where Dirk Pitt tends to turn into some kind of Superman to get out of… that’s the only thing that rubs me the wrong way.
Then again, not like everything else I read is grounded in reality either.
Mmmmmatthew.
I stopped reading Clive Cussler’s books when he stopped writing them. Up to that point they were great reads for fiction. Cussler sold the movie rights to Raise The Titanic and the movie butchered the story so badly that it was 20+ years before he’d let them make another one. I’ll probably go see this out of morbid curiousity.
The only reason that this movie was worthwhile for me was because I was able to see it as a sort of “premier” here in Austin,TX where Matthew was in attendance. Yum. He is as gorgeous off screen as on screen. The Austin Film Society also gifted him with a set of Bongos in honor of his “naked bongo playing” arrest. His learned lesson from that experience was “keep your windows closed”.
It can’t be more ridiculous than “Reign of Fire” –even Matthews presence didn’t console me for losing those 2 hours of my life.
Impossible to love someone named Angus? You mean that Colonel Angus sketch on SNL was all for naught?
MacGyver -is- awesome. I remember, back in the day, reading that all of his tricks were tested by students at CalTech. Don’t know if it’s true, but I like to hold on to that idea, ’cause it makes him kick ass even more.
Don’t you think he was abnormally tan in the movie too? I saw a special screening of it in Austin. The best part was that Matthew was there too.
Yeah, MacGyver was cool. I wonder if any of the “duct tape and Bick pen” experiments he performed were backed by scientific fact. :p
I lost you at the first mention of Matthew McConauhey. He is first on my “guys that its ok to do in a commited relationship” list. sigh*
When the heroine first meets Dirk Pitt in the book she muses “his voice was like finely aged whiskey rippling over gravel”. Hahahahaha! How Days-of-Our-Lives! Sounds to me like the movie has the same degree of cheesiness. ;D
I heard that MacGyver’s endeavors were always based in science, but typically missing some scientific details–for example, instead of 1 Hershey’s bar, you would need 200 to get the chemical reaction he was trying for–partially because it made life easier for the writers and partially so kids at home didn’t blow themselves us.
But if you like MacGyver, you should visit his ultimate fan’s site: http://www.megwood.com
Fish, stay away from our man.
I endorse any blog post that makes an A-Team reference, and then quotes Colonel Hannibal in the title. I dub thee “best person on the planet”.
McConaughey is beautiful. That is all.
Hmmm… I wonder if i would even have considered to go see that movie.. somethin in ” mathew mcconaughey + penelope cruz + adventure + sahara” just doesn’t fit! I don’t even want to ask about the storyline!
On the other hand went to see SAW a few few weeks ago. A great surprise: both visually and plot twisting wise, and the characters in that movie, well, they REALLY needed a mcgyver!
It is true that Penelope Cruz has played some less than stellar roles since coming to Hollywood, but I disagree with Red’s comments about her being a mediocre actress. She was great in Spanish film classics like BELLE EPOQUE, JAMON JAMON and ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER. Perhaps she just needs to overcome a language barrier and/or stop hooking up with her Hollywood costars?
it’s pretty common for journalists to take notes on what they’re going to write about. i’d rather have them do that than make stuff up.
Loder loves doing the movie reviews – he does them for the place where he-who-I-will-not-name and Goldie work. He was emailing me about Fever Pitch over the weekend, doesn’t understand that as a Yank fan I will never EVER see that film.
Maureen,
Even bloggers take notes about what they’re going to write. Forget journalists. BUT I do believe my point was: What is complex enough about this film that REQUIRES notes?
Oh Fish, I do so hate to disagree. But:
Penelope Cruz makes the least convincing ass-kicking heroine since…well, ever…
Two words: Tara Reid. Four more words: Alone in the Dark. Yes, I’m afraid I did, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, and not in the good way. But it’s a handy benchmark for any worst-of category that might come up.
I used to work for a now-defunct indie CD store. The owner looked like kurt loder … kurt loder as a midlife crisis, too much ice cream, father of two. he was nice though. but we still thought he looked like kurt loder. it was weird.
There is something about Matthew McConaghay that leaves me coldy cold cold. Bleh.