“Ooh! I know! I have a protein bar!”
“Yeah, and I have a big old bag of Shut Up,” Angie said under her breath.
I snorted at Angie. The two rows of women behind us had ceased talking hours before and had taken up squawking. That’s really the only word for it. It was infuriating. Our plane had been diverted to JFK because of something to do with a computer glitch and a fuel gauge or somesuch – the crew had been sent to their seats mid-dinner service. And now, four hours later, we sat there on the tarmac trying to sleep off our frustration and hunger. And the crows behind us would not shut up.
“I eat a power bar every day!”
“Don’t they like, make you fat?”
The crow directly behind me was now standing up, yanking at the back of my chair as she went on and on about protein and calories. As my head bobbed from its pillow, I declared I’d had enough. The entire plane was full of exhausted passengers, plunging ear plugs deeper, trying desperately to sleep. And these four were making it impossible.
“Ready?” I asked Angie.
“Mmm hmm.”
I pushed the button on my armrest and leaned back with as much force as my 5AM body could muster, sending the Protein Crow tumbling to her seat.
“Well that was rude!”
I swallowed a laugh. Angie bit her lip.
“She did it on purpose,” Friend of Crow cawed. “I saw her look back.”
I rolled my eyes into the back of my head. I was disappointed she’d only seen me look back once. I mean, I’d been sending withering glances for a solid hour.
They were pissed. But a mighty miracle had been wrought. The crows, who’d been shushed by everyone row 30 and back for the better part of… I don’t know, eternity had finally shut up. They spent the rest of the flight talking in low(ish) tones about what a raging bitch the girl in 37J was.
A raging, immensely satisfied bitch.
Heather, the rest of the world knew that years ago!
Have fun!
Way to go Fish! I’ve often wished I had the power to shut up a crow behind me on a plane. I’m sure if they could have, the rest of the plane would have sent flowers to the “bitch” in 37J.
amazing. simply amazing. i’ve traveled enough to know there is no greater satisfaction than pissing off an obnoxious fellow passenger, and thus silently becoming the hero of the rest of the plane.
Right on! Enjoy your trip.
Never commented, but this was hysterical. Having spent the better part of the last 5 years in flight from here to there to anywhere, I completely understand this reaction. Some people don’t know when to bite the bullet, put on a sleep mask, pump up the old i-pod and SHUT THE HELL UP! I LOVE IT!
Is there going to be another entry in the “Tips” section? Subtitle it “travel tip: travel-unfriendly skies”.
This is something I wish I had the guts to try on my most recent flight – some people just need to learn the hard way that a plane isn’t a good place for loud, obnoxious conversations.
Hehe. Sweet. I love moments like that.
OMG, that is why I love you so much.
OMG that is why I LOVE you!
Oh, that was so worthy of a first comment. Well done.
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You.Rock.
You are my hero.
Wahoo! I am sure they were thinking you were a raging bitch and everyone else on the plane thought you were a gift from God himself! You rock my world!
Ugh, I get so frustrated with those people who think they are the only people in the world. Still, instead of flashing her dirty looks, couldn’t you have just stood up for yourself and handled it directly?
I thought you were calling them “cows” and then I realized it was “crows.” I’m pro-brute-force in situations like this.
Good for you! Talk about taking one for the team. I bet the whole plane was silently thanking you!
I love it!
Ha ha ha….priceless. I would have so totally done it myself, if I had your brand of courage! Well done!
What no Soiled Diaper Screaming Babies? No nearby passenger with a bag of FISHY POOH and a side of CURRY for lunch? You didn’t brush your hand on a used tissue while digging for your seat belt? You had it easy
Thanks for sharing!!!
I have often wished that the Vulcan neck pinch was real in situations like that – well done!
And isn’t it funny how the extremly rude always consider anyone who objects to their behavior rude. Very proud of you, had I been on the plan I would have bought you a tiny lil drink!
Well done!
I, too, have frequently utilized the old “push that seat back” button as hard as I could.
Actions do speak louder than words!
Enjoy your trip!
I flew to Sydney Australia a few days ago. 16 and 1/2 hours of flying. The old guy in the seat behind couldn’t get up without grabbing the back of my seat. Fair enough, he seemed to have problems walking. But I had to say something when he started whacking the seat back screen. Thump, thump, thump for 10 minutes. Apparently he couldn’t figure out how to turn it off and of course hitting a touch screen harder will fix things.
Oh, a kindred spirit. In the movie theater last week when the couple behind us paid no attention to multiple head turns, loud sighs and dirty looks by other patrons (particularly punctuated when the guy ANSWERED HIS CELL PHONE- at a political drama NOT a loud comedy) I had enough.
I turned over the back of my seat and said “Could you SHUT UP, please”, which completely amused my date. Somehow, even in a fit of rage, I never lose my manners.
just think, if the ‘old crow’ was black, or jewish you’d be up on assault charges.
and perhapss you should be?
Heaven forbid that someone would talk in a public place. Hitting them in the face was definitely the right response. For all the whining on here about how people don’t communicate with each other, I can’t see how that was even remotely appropriate.
I would have pissed on that bitch. drip drip drip…all over her. thatd shut her up.
I’ve found that urinating on annoying people generally makes them go away. plus I just enjoy it.
“guest” needs a swift one to the balls. unless of course said “guest” is a female. then she just needs a good throttling.
I don’t know what made me more sick, your juvenile behavior on the plane or everyone else supporting it as a wonderful solution to the situation. The answer to rude behavior is not more rude behavior. If you had that much of a problem, you should just ask the women to stop instead of acting like a spoiled child.
I agree with Becky. This site amuses me because I’m learning how not to be like most of you.
You may not realize this but, flight attendants are paid to do what you did professionally, not to do it like a child.
Keep up the good responses Becky.
I agree with Becky and guest. The flight attendants are supposed to take care of these situations. Maybe next time you’ll get your ass kicked.
Of course while you’re getting it kicked you’ll be telling them how pissed you are. LOL
i do not blame you i would have done the same thing i do not see how you pit up with it for as long as you did i wouold have told them to shut up hours ago then i would have hit him with my chair but as long as you got him to shut up thats all that matters
Gah, Michael, Becky, and Guest need to pull their balls out of their ass!!! Could you guys be any more snobby and uptight? If this had happened to you, you wouldn’t have taken the time to call the flight attendant. No, you probably would have sulked about it while your balls drew tighter and tighter up into your asshole. That’s right Becky, I bet you have balls, don’t ya?
Thanks Jess for the biggest laugh I had all day! And I really appreciate you telling me what I would have done without knowing me. What a riot! By the way, no balls here, unless you ment it in a figurative sense, as in I have balls for having the courage to stand up with an unpopular opinion I believe in. In that case thanks for the compliment too!
Now back to the point, I’m not trying to be a snot. If the scene on the plane had taken place in a movie I’m sure I would have laughed or cheered right along with everyone else, but it didn’t. It supposedly happened to real people in real life and there is no excuse for physically assaulting someone for any reason short of them trying to hurt you first, end of story.