The three of us had just come from Girl’s Night dinner in the Bishop Arts District and were holding court at an out-of-the-way table at the Old Monk. It was one of those nights where everything we said seemed brilliantly funny and became an inside joke that we were determined to run into the ground.
Did you know that the phrase “right up my alley” was dirty? It is. On par with, “that’s what she said” and so much funnier.
Anyway, sometime around midnight, a couple of guys asked to join us. Sure, absolutely, why not. So Keith and The Guy Who Hates Sarcasm sat down. Obviously, they came over because of the stunning display of cleavage at the table – we’d all gotten dressed up for dinner in our end-of-summer finery – but ended up leaving with a heaping serving of smart ass.
Conversation was quick, witty and funny and the guys were holding their own (though, someone did leave that table with the unfortunate nickname Goulash). When it was nearing closing time, Keith slid a pen and an upturned receipt across the table and asked for a phone number. Whose, he didn’t seem to care. Just a phone number. A flicker of Oh-no-he-didn’t passed between us girls. A few awkward jokes were made and Keith took his receipt back just as empty as he’d offered it.
“Well, he was sure casting a wide net, wasn’t he?” Jamie said, the moment we hit the sidewalk.
“Right? He really knows how to make a girl feel special,” I said, shaking my head.
“Even if he’d said, ‘Hey, you girls are a lot of fun. Can I get your numbers so we can all hang out again?’ that would have been fine,” Laura said.
“At least then he could be non-discerning where we can’t see. That Anyone? Anyone? routine was just sad.”
We agreed that what Keith clearly didn’t realize was any one of us girls, had he asked us directly, would have gladly give him a phone number. Because until that point, he’d been charming enough. But then… well, I’ve never seen anyone crash and burn so thoroughly (excepting, you know, Britney last night).
Choosing sucks. I get that. What if the girl you prefer doesn’t prefer to give you her number, what have you got then? Well, no digits, for sure. But you’ve got three girls who think you have the appropriate number of testicles, as well as pretty decent assurance that they won’t spend the whole ride home discussing your bad, bad move.
fish – u seem like u have so much fun wherever u go, whatever u do! Wanted to ask u a few questions about blogging – do u have a regular email – simple questions – i promise im a normal girl – lol
boys are stupid.
Aw, I feel bad for the guy.
The mental picture of Ferris Bueller’s teacher: Anyone? Anyone? made me laugh out loud. And I completely agree, Red. Boys *are* stupid. Thank goodness some of them are so cute we feel obliged to take care of them.
Love it! I imagine his side of the story made him end up looking like a stud with all his hot girl choices…
Some men just think that by merely gracing females with their presence and wit is enough to make them all swoon. I’d imagine Keith truly believes that none of you ladies left your number so as not to cause jealousy and catfights amongst yourselves over his manliness. It is a similar syndrome to that suffered by horribly cheesy and unattractive men who hit on women WAY out of their league at bars and then, once rejected, turn to insults as a way of regaining their misguided arrogance.
I’m glad that Fish & Friends had such a good girls night out. I could personally use one of those nights myself! lol
He should be watching VH1′s “The Pick-Up Artist” for pointers! Poor, silly man…
now heather, how could you let a catch like that just slip away?
Such a shame, considering he seemed decent. I feel bad for him, just a little.
Wow! That was lame. What a moron.
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Peace and Sunshine
Chelsea
keith = wizard
HAaaahahaha Britney, bitch.
way too funny!
I think he saw the bar scene in “A Beautiful Mind”, but woefully misunderstood it. Keith=Not John Nash.
“boys ARE stupid, throw rocks at them!”
and if you’re a man…don’t act like a boy.
The Bishop Arts district ROCKS! What better place for a girl’s night out?
that was harsh. after a night of good conversation and fun- this one move (however pussified) warranted a crash and burn? it didn’t sound like he was being rude or an ass, he just made a really bad call. it’s not your responsibility to cradle the guy’s ego- but this just sounds mean.
Also consider that Keith may have just been laying his cards on the table in a relatively honest fashion. He wanted something (guess what) from someone, wasn’t particular about who that someone might be, and wasn’t willing to make much pretense towards wanting something more meaningful. Keith may be many things (clueless, shameless, dumb?), but he’s apparently not dishonest.
Poor, misguided man.
sigh
This is what I would have done:) (a) keep a really nice text message handy (b) share it across the table – if it clicked – ‘do you want me to text it to you (c) yes? there you go!!
great post – enjoyed it.
Guys, Keith gets no defense. He was rude. He was a stooge. In the dating world, we owe it to our intended partner to make him or her feel special. “I like you. I want you.” See those sentences? They have a singular subject: you. They focus specific attention on THE OTHER PERSON, not persons. Ugh. Is it something in the air lately, or have boys ALWAYS stunk?
Oddly, I loved this post.
Ouch, ouch, and uh…ouch.
I think you’ve all misunderstood… He obviously wanted to get with all of you, at the same time, and play naked twister.
Idiot. LOL I say it all the time, boys are stupid.
Ah, men.
Fish, I have been lurking around and reading your blog for several months now wihtout doing any commenting. Just thought I would let you know that I love your writing and look forward to your new posts.
I actually feel sorry for Keith, even though that was a TOOL move to make.
Because I’ve been there, I’ve given my number to the wrong friend… and if I could turn back time, I certainly would.
Eh… nevermind. F Keith. He should have grown a set before sitting down with all that cleavage.
that was a doofus move to make, to be sure, but would any of you date a guy who’d write on a blog, “girls are stupid”? *That’s* just stupid.