Stuck in Waterloo Station with an hour to kill, I ducked into a bookstore to find something to pass the time. My eyes, and then my hands, fell on a copy of Skinny Bitch, some sort of diet book in which the authors are rude to you, and then magically, all the tenets of weight loss will suddenly be easier to stick to. Um, okay.
They may be bitches, but they are skinny bitches. And you’ll be one too-after you get with the program and start eating right.
My first thought was, that if anything excuses being a bitch, skinny is not it. Funny, yes. But not skinny. Skinny just gives you the right to turn heads and wear the clothes the rest of us only dream of wearing. But bitchiness requires talent, not a low calorie intake.
Anyway, flipping through the book, I learned that to be skinny and (healthy, natch), you must abstain from sugar, meat and dairy products. Abstain from dairy products? Pfft! You’re not skinny bitches, you’re crazy bitches! I tossed the book back onto the shelf, like it was on fire.
“Uch.”
“Zat bad?”
A French woman, most probably in her 40′s, was standing behind me. She was, incidentally, skinny, and dressed head to toe in rich creams and taupes. She looked like a magazine cover.
“Yes,” I said. “It’s just… if cheese is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”
She laughed, and made a flicking gesture, as if mentally sweeping those skinny bitches right out of existence.
“Zey don’t tell you how boring it is being skeeny.”
I laughed, wondering if she knew from experience just how boring it is being skinny. We made a bit of small talk, then the woman checked her watch, and said she had to be off. But not before stopping by the checkout counter… to buy a chocolate bar.
Apparently, not.
“If cheese is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”
…I agree with that so much I’m considering it for a life mantra, bumper sticker and/or tattoo.
Amen sister.
The book actually, by the end, encourages veganism. I agree…crazy bitches. There are so many health benefits to eating dairy and making sure your body gets enough protein to maintain a healthy you.
Also…I love your blog…I read it religiously!
“You’re not skinny bitches, you’re crazy bitches!”
That’s exactly what goes through my mind every time I imagine giving up chocolate, cheese, and/or pasta. Crazy talk…
Maybe the bitchiness is a side-effect of the cheese deprivation…
Dairy can actually make one a bitch if, like poor Meg Ryan in that movie with Kevin Kline, you are lactose intolerant. And I hate to break it to the idiots who wrote the book, but veganism isn’t a diet — it’s a lifestyle. And many vegans aren’t skinny. They do make some damn good food, though (with plenty of protein, too).
I wish I could wear multiple shades of the same color and not look crazy.
I was on a date once, and the woman said
“cause everything is better with cheese”.
I was in love right there…..
How bizarre they were selling that book over there. Europeans don’t have near the weight problems we do. I think our culture of deprivation … and substituting fake alternative sugars, fats, etc … leads to over indulgence. I actually lose weight (5-10 lbs) every time I travel to Europe.When you’re eating cheese and wine and dessert…and fatty French foods…a little goes a long way. i don’t feel like overeating because I’m satisfied. AND I’m walking all day. Have a gelato in Italy for me…heck, two gelatos. My favorites are coconut and nutella and pistachio. yum….
It’s boring to be skinny? Well, I lead a damn exciting life.
As if we needed another reason to go to Europe, CharlieGirl, losing 5-10 pounds sounds great!
That’s why you should buy “French Women Don’t Get Fat: The Secret of Eating for Pleasure” instead. That lady was a walking testimonial.
That’s why you should buy “French Women Don’t Get Fat: The Secret of Eating For Pleasure” instead. That lady was a walking testimonial.
I gained a lot of weight in college, and eating “heathfully” didn’t seem to help. As soon as I actually started eating the good stuff, the stuff that I loved and craved, I actually lost 30 pounds. Go figure.
To hell with skinny bitches.
signed- A Girl with a Shadow.
I second Monica’s endorsement of the book “French Women Don’t Get Fat” – of course, everything I read about diets goes in one ear and out the other because they all require the addition of vegetables to my mostly meat and starches diet….
But. That said, I would rather be strong and healthy than anorexic. And, I once dated a guy who made fun of skinny women, saying that he liked women with a little more to hold onto when dancing. (Sigh!) Had he not started dating someone else while I was away on business, who knows?
You’ve gotta love French women, even the skinny ones.
Life’s far too short to eschew cheese. Far too short.
aw! I went on a trip to Esher a month ago and spent quite a bit of time at Waterloo station. I miss it!
Fish, we love you! Keep up the profound quips like that one and you’ll have to add “lifestyle guru” to your resume.
I bought that book! I adhered to it for nearly a month. I did not become a skinny bitch. I did, however, become a very cranky, headachy, hungry bitch. And that is when I tossed the book in the trash and ate some chocolate.
OMG this cracked me up!! I fully agree that skinny gals don’t have NEARLY as much fun as the rest of the world!
If you don’t eat cheese, then really, what are you doing for the world. Next thing, they’re going to want us to stop drinking and to only have sex on Wednesdays between 7:00 and 8:30
I’ve read that book, Skinny Bitch. And it basically bashes every food group under the sun except for organic, vegan produce. I just thought it was ridiculous. But I was also worried about all the girls that book would potentially brainwash. It was just terrible
It would be REALLY boring to never eat anything delicious!
I know I get pretty bitchy when I’m hungry, and if I was hungry constantly for years, and never got to eat any of the things I love, yeah, I’d be a pretty major bitch.
just when i think i can’t laugh anymore from your blog posts, Heather, I read your readers’ comments and laugh even harder
i think a witty writer attracts witty readers!
How to become a bitch:
No sugar, artificial sweeteners, alcohol (except organic red wine), dairy, meat, MEDICINE!!!, caffeine, mass produced, or anything that remotely tastes good. I read the book and just shook my head the entire time.
I saw an “Everyday Italian” episode the other day with Giada DeLaurentis (the boobie-chick as I like to refer to her) where she made a pannini with Brie and Chocolate.
And she’s quite slim…
HA!
I wish someone would tell these people that we have big brains because we ate PRotein n grew them.
I wish someone would tell these people that we have big brains because we ate PRotein n grew them.
I eat everything I want to eat but I am still skinning because I walk more often, just little scare now because of evil human are everywhere to prey on you, this make me so afraid, and I don’t want to have gun even if I am afraid.
Interesting post.
And I don’t understand how being rude could help anyone to lose weight!! The author did get a whole lot of stuff wrong!
Strange to spot this blog…I read Skinny Bitch yesterday.
The authors flat out tell you that this is not a diet. They blatantly tell you that it is a lifestyle. And they explain that it’s ORGANIC food that is better for you that the over-processed junk we normally eat. ORGANIC including wine, soy based cheese, organic chocolate, etc.
They are not promoting anorexia or being over skinny. They are promoting health. They promote moderate exercise…not different than any other health expert…20-30 minutes of cardio 5 or so days a week…haven’t we all heard that? And if they choose a vegan lifestyle to help them be healthy, who are we to judge them?
I certainly don’t intend to be a vegan, but I am going to buy organic and I will be much more careful about what additives, preservatives, and over-processed ingredients I am putting into my body. How is encouraging that a bad thing?
No one said you have to take every aspect as the Bible of how to eat, but the basic premise makes sense.
My theory is that cheese must be accompanied by tequila. The cheese absorbs the alcohol, saving wear and tear on the liver, and the tequila neutralizes the fat and cholesterol right out of the cheese. Have as much of both as you want. That’s my theory…
I read the book and thought it was wonderful! I am 5’8″ and was at 145 lbs and now weigh 118lb without even trying. I am healthier and have more energy than ever! If all else has failed — it’s worth a try
Portions are out of control in our country. As a skinny (and nice) woman, I have found the easiest, most rational way to maintain a healthy weight is to eat more veggies and to stop eating the second you feel full. Forget finishing what is on your plate, and don’t eat anything unless you are hungry.
I read the first few paragraphs of Skinny Bitch and bought the book thinking it would give me the tough love I needed to lose 20 pounds. At first I thought it was pretty entertaining, then after the first chapter they get all preachy and go into detail about the meat industry-it was actually quite nauseating, it didnât make me want to quit eating meat but quit reading the book. I want my $15 back!!
I think the trick is to eat food with more FLAVOR in it…most european eat high fat cheeses and think American-style milk chocolate is bland and boring. the more flavor in the foods you eat, the faster you will feel full! I also think every person’s body chemistry is different. one diet doesn’t work for every body.
Life with out milk? Not for this girl, besides, I look better with curves…..
I agree with Cindy on the portions issue. I live in Korea, and everytime I go to the States I gain like 5kgs (11 pounds). I think the portions are almost twice the amount of what Koreans eat, and also devoid of most vegetables, unless you order a separate salad. (I almost split my pants eating that with my steak.) In Korea, vegetables are a given part of most meals.. hmm maybe that’s why Asians are mostly skinny? Anyhow, although I am not a vegan, I definitely have to agree that vegetables, particulary organic grown are good for you. Laying low on the salt might be good too, coz you’d be chugging less soft drinks. (I don’t like water much.) That being said.. who needs to give up cheese, tequila, and chocolate???? I can still gorge myself on “fatty” foods, and still be skinny!
I agree with Cindy on the portions issue. I live in Korea, and everytime I go to the States I gain like 5kgs (11 pounds). I think the portions are almost twice the amount of what Koreans eat, and also devoid of most vegetables, unless you order a separate salad. (I almost split my pants eating that with my steak.) In Korea, vegetables are a given part of most meals.. hmm maybe that’s why Asians are mostly skinny? Anyhow, although I am not a vegan, I definitely have to agree that vegetables, particulary organic grown are good for you. Laying low on the salt might be good too, coz you’d be chugging less soft drinks. (I don’t like water much.) That being said.. who needs to give up cheese, tequila, steak and chocolate???? I can still gorge myself on “fatty” foods, and still be skinny (and nice)!
Only fat people get mad at books that promote being skinny. $100 bucks says you tried what it said, and you failed. Don’t be bitter about your weight.
Why is it so hard for people to understand you can’t eat whatever you want and still look great, if you don’t exercise? Everyone wants the easy way out in life, and when it comes to losing weight, that just isn’t an option.
So buck up and be honest with yourself. Maybe this book is a crock of ****, but it sounds as if it gives some logical tips on how to have a healthy lifestyle.
And being healthy, sad to say, means being the proper weight for your body type and height.
Get outside and go for a jog! Enjoy what nature has to offer and push your body to it’s natural limits!
very nice
There is chemical compound in cows cheese that researchers have compared to a natural compound in morphine or heroin(AKA – an opiate). Get off it for three days and then see if you can resist it – you can. Information is empowering cheese isn’t just great, it’s got you hooked.
I saw this book at the bookstore yesterday, I picked it up to be sure, and also dropped it like a hot potato. NO thanks skinny beez’s. I dont need your help. I’m fine wollowing in my medium pizza. Cheers.
I think we’re just sick of the food police. Yes, I eat healthy, organic food, including lots of veggies, I don’t drink, I exercise every day, I’m a mostly-vegetarian, and I’m not addicted to any one food. And, no, I’m NOT skinny, though I can be a real bitch at times. Yes, Yoda, you CAN be curvy and healthy. You can be skinny and healthy. But, personally, I don’t need some former model calling me names and barking orders at me about what I can and cannot eat. Just because she’s thinner than I am doesn’t mean she’s better.
OK, I just have to add something. I looked at the website and it made me laugh, especially the section on recipes in the new book (“Skinny Bitch in the Kitch”) which includes PMS-Pissy Mood Snacks.
I still don’t know If I’ll read the book being the overly-sensitive type and all, but maybe.