I cannot go to school today
Said little Peggy Ann McKay
How’s that Shel Silverstein poem go again? I know if I asked Biscuit, he’d be able to recite it for me. But he’s not here and I’ve had the same couple lines (the only two I know) running through my head since I got up this morning.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
Only, I’ve been saying, “I have a stye in my right eye.” ‘Cause I actually thought that’s how the poem went and because, well, I do. I do have a stye. And I seriously considered that as a reason to stay home today.
That should tell you about the state of … things.
I gotta say, for such a small thing, a stye is a terrible, wicked thing. Like fire ants. Or paper cuts. Or toddlers. Okay, just kidding about the toddlers. Except the ones on airplanes — they are definitely small, terrible things.
Anyway.
A while back, remember how I taunted everyone with a ‘big change’ that clearly never happened? Well, it will. I promise. And hopefully on Monday. In the meantime, I will be running back and forth to the ladies’ room to make certain my stye has not taken over my entire eye and turned me into a taller, girlish Quasimodo (Quasimoda? Does the masculine/feminine adjective things apply?).
Sanctuary!
Sorry about your eye, H… Cold compresses work quite well at relieving the discomfort, but warm compresses actually help relieve the stye itself.
Hope you feel better!!
Sick
“I cannot go to school today,”
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox.
And there’s one more—that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue—
It might be instamatic flue.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broken—
My hips hurt when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a silver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my hart is—what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is… Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!”
Feel better soon. As someone who’s been in and out of hospitals all month and who’s on the first name basis with all of Lenox Hill ER, I totally sympathise. I hope you heal up fast!
Looking forward to the change. Feel better.
I would have called in sick. It’s as good a reason as any.
For the longest time I kept reading it as “I’ve got style in my eye”
A little different effect that.
Anyways, yeah those are a bitch! Hope its gone soon!
I love your blog. I read it a lot. Today I was motivated to leave you a comment because after reading “Sick” I seem to have gotten “Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle Me Too” stuck in my head. “Hooray! What Fun! It’s time we flew…” They just don’t write ‘em like that anymore.
I love the Shelmeister. Interesting trivia tidbit: Silverstein used to draw for Playboy before he became famous as a children’s author. True story.
jack and jill went up the hill…but then we never heard anything else about threesome guy/rob the secret admirer/part four. sooo, technically speaking, we’re still waiting for part four and for the ‘big change’ news. please hurry!
Growing up we always quoted those last three lines if we got out of a day of school by faking an illness. Sometimes that’s just how you feel!
While Quasimoda has a lovely ring to it – charming, really – here’s to hoping you’re back in full-out, stye-free Fishy ways ASAP.
Oh how the stye in the eye sucks! I know. My sister and I both have had to have several of them surgically removed. Unsolicited advice: If they’re there next week, I highly suggest you see a doctor! But, I do hope you won’t have to go there, Quasimoda.
So, here’s the thing. I love Shel Silverstein. I am, in fact, tempted to quote, verbatim, from memory, both the sharp-toothed snail poem and the boa constrictor poem.
Here’s the other thing, though, quoting poetry verbatim online has absolutely no value because of Google. That’s why Google sucks sometimes. Knowing something isn’t special if everyone can know it in two clicks.
Is that elitist of me? Maybe so.
Sorry about the stye.
Hello, Heather.
My mother always told me you get styes from peeing on the sidewalk. So what were you really up to this weekend?
wouldn’t the stye have to punch through to your back to make you Quasimoda?
Warm black tea bags (squeezed out so they don’t drip all over your clothes) applied to the stye help reduce the swelling, and the tannins from the tea leaves help anesthetize the pain as well. Kinda gross, but it works.
My mother always told me “you’ll get a sty if you lie”. But honestly, who would believe that. Me, when I was ten. It was her way to tell if I had been lying about something because my face would turn red and I would end up confessing in hopes the sty would magically disappear, much like Pinocchio’s nose.
Yikes! Get better! And ease us into this change, okay? Hey… who moved my cheese?
Well, it will. I promise. And hopefully on Monday.
Hey are you going to start writing like Bridget Jones again?? I miss that!!! Cheerio!!!!!
Imagine this scene in Heaven:
Hank Williams: “There’s a tear in my beer.”
Shel Silverstine: “I have a stye in my eye.”
Dr. Seuss: “There’s a wocket in my pocket.”
St. Peter: “Just Shut up!”
I don’t know why your post made me think of that, but I had to share….
Sorry to hear about the malady. Sending well wishes your way (and maybe a wishing well, too!).
by the way…I like all three artists listed above.
i love shel silverstein- particularly, hector the collector.
What’s the change? I hope it’s a good one. I haven’t really liked the forced changes in my life lately. Miss you so much!
OK, i am seeing a similar theme on Stephanie Klein’s blog from Feb 2004
http://stephanieklein.blogs.com/greek_tragedy/2004/01/i_cannot_go_to_.html#comments
I’ve just found you.. Yay!
teeheehee!!! she said tea bags on the eyes. heeheehee!
I’ve had sty’s before but they must’ve been so painful to block out the memory. Hope you get better soon! Is there any miracle cure for this? I don’t think so…