I just cried. In the deli. Because of yogurt.
No one noticed, thankfully, and I was able to slip quietly out into the street to continue my breakdown. I mean, how awkward to have to explain to the deli man, “No, no, it’s not you. It’s me. And my insurance company. And things like work flow and sweet baby jesus, these HEADACHES and no one really eats plain vanilla yogurt do they? DO THEY?!”
(It’s the inevitable collapsing into a snotty heap on the floor at the end that would have truly made it awkward. I’d most certainly have had to find a new deli.)
Sometime this weekend, the reason for the persistent headaches revealed itself in the form of two, pointy, ill-fitting wisdom teeth. Ta-da! Honestly, it was something of a relief. Wisdom teeth are fixable! More fixable than say, a brain tumor or an allergy to my career. Besides, I just got new dental insurance. My new card is sitting all bright and shiny on my desk, and all I have to do is pick it up and…
“Hi, I’d like to get an appointment to see the dentist.” I said, reciting my information for Carmen the Dental Receptionist.
“I’m sorry. I don’t have the roster for October’s new patients. Check back at the end of the week. Maybe it will come in the mail by then.”
“What?”
No list, no appointment. Period. And Carmen the Dental Receptionist wasn’t budging. This is why people move to Canada or the Netherlands or really small towns in Indiana where there only is one dentist and no list to speak of. Fucking red tape.
“What if the insurance company sent you proof of insurance by fax?”
“Nope. They don’t do that.”
“Don’t or can’t?”
“They don’t.”
A call to the insurance company yielded the same information.
“We don’t fax insurance rosters.”
“But what if it’s an emergency?” I told the woman about the wisdom tooth headaches. I came this close to crying. (The yogurt breakdown hadn’t happened yet, but don’t think I wouldn’t have employed some good snotty heap imagery to grease those wheels.)
“I’ll see what I can do.”
Apparently, a-faxing she went. Because when she got back on the phone, and in a voice that said, “I’m sorry Carmen is such a bitch,” she explained that all should be well and to give the dentist’s office one more call.
“I still can’t make an appointment for you.”
“What? Why?” Oh my GOD, no Christmas card for Carmen this year.
“Because a faxed copy is not proof enough. You can come in for an emergency visit, but that’s it. And we only take emergencies between regular patients.”
“Okay…”
“And only on Mondays and Thursdays between 8:00 and 1:30.”
At that point, furious over the fact that I couldn’t even have an emergency without following guidelines, I hung up the phone and went in search of breakfast. Which led me to the deli. And a case filled with nothing but six varieties of vanilla yogurt. Again I ask: Does anyone really eat that shit?
Sometimes a girl just reaches her limits. And that’s when snot happens.
it’s the best flavor
Vanilla yogurt isn’t bad if you add fruit (fresh or frozen) to it. Then its just like the other flavors. What I wanna know is who eats the “plain” flavor. Ewww.
Sorry about your toothache. I had my wisdom teeth removed a couple years ago and it sucked. Hope you feel better soon.
I’d try a new dental office. You deserve to be treated better.
Now, I eat plain vanilla yogurt. Lots of options:
I dip strawberries in it, and them roll them in brown sugar before eating.
I mix my own granola and fruit mixture into it for my own muesli.
With a variety of mixed fruit, it makes a great parfait.
With honey, coconut and almonds mixed in, it is great drizzled over pound cake.
If you notice, these ideas all have dessert theme. And that’s nothing to cry about.
Sounds like you need to dump the vanilla yogurt and climb in bed with the remote, painkillers and a big bowl of ice cream. Doctor’s orders. (By the way, no one in their right mind would allow me free reign with a stethoscope, but I still think it’s a good idea.)
Feel better.
Vanilla yogurt is only good if you’re mixing something else in – like Kashi cereal.
And I’m with FlyGirl – contact a different dentist’s office; there’s gotta be more than one dentist in NYC.
I love vanilla yogurt. Even on it’s own.
Then again, I’m a vanilla sorta person.
Fish- Um, not to sound like a nerd or a contrarian, but I really like Vanilla Yogurt. Its creamy and sweet.
I go to one of those Dental franchises and I can’t imagine them passing up any opportunity to make an additional buck. In their world, Carmen would be out on the curb sitting on her butt before she could say “customer service”. -Gregg
I know you’re in pain, and I feel for you, but I actually laughed out loud at the end…I hope you were able to do the same thing while writing this entry. Good luck with the dentist!!
Someone needs to have the meaning of the word “emergency” explained to them.
Sorry to hear of your pain. Wisdom teeth are on my list of my Ten Least Favorite Things About My Body.
(Given the gene pool I come from, that’s saying something.)
(It’s the inevitable collapsing into a snotty heap on the floor at the end that would have truly made it awkward. I’d most certainly have had to find a new deli.)
God help me, until the wisdom tooth part, I was laughing my ass off at this. So sorry.
One, Carmen *is* a bitch. Two, I love vanilla yogurt.
I can help two ways – one like rest – dump some granola in that yogurt – and second most importantly – my dentist in NYC – he’s on Central Park South (is that good or bad for you?) – Dr. Jonathan Goldenthal DDS. Lousy office – but he’s awesome and so is his staff and none of this insurance crap. First fix you – then get the money. That’s not even English – but he’ll make you laugh – he’s corny – me I just can’t write.
d@mn! i was gonna name my first daughter ‘carmen.’ now that’s shot, because carmen sucked butt today. ::hrrmph!:: does rum and vanilla yogurt go well together? what about ambesol and yogurt? as you’re leaving the dentist, flip carmen the bird from me. thankssomuch.
When I needed to have my wisdom teeth removed I was in the process of getting new dental insurance that would cover much more of the cost. After switching I found out you had to be with the company for six months before they would cover wisdom teeth. Luckily I wasn’t in too much pain but every day I had to wait was uncomfortable. Good luck and I hope the headaches are cured.
At least it was just your wisdom teeth. Although it sounds like a significant portion of your headache might be due to a certain receptionist.
Good luck on Thursday between 8:00 and 1:30…
I’m going to add the entirely unhelpful observation that this is what life in France is like: RED TAPE OUT YOUR ASS.
I only say this to let you know I feel your pain. Also, “Carmen is a bitch” has a nice ring to it. I think I will make it my motto of the day.
**hug**
Feel better soon, Heather.
Don’t listen to gregg and go to a dental franchise. I made that mistake with Sears, never again. It’s all about quantity over quality with those people.
Find a different dentist.
Oh, and I do really like plain vanilla yogurt. Sorry!
Good luck.
Buy all the yogurt, mix it with your breakdown snot, and send it all to Carmen. There’s nothing like an officious receptionist.
Tammi- Yeah? Says who? C’mon, I’ll pit my dentist, Dr Van de Rydt, at Gentle Dental against yours in a fight anyday!! What do you say? Three rounds, winner take all?
It’s a good thing that you at least like vanilla yogurt.
Heather- I just poured Honey Bunches of Oats into my vanilla yogurt and it was really good. Maybe you should carry a box around with you just in case.
I will destroy this Carmen. You will wear a fine new necklace made of her teeth.
You know, I read somewhere that the #1 business to receive negative feedback are airlines. While I agree that sometimes airtravel is something of a hassel, and not always the MOST enjoyable experience ever, I have to dis agree. I have had more drama dealing with doctors, insurance and all other related activities with anything medical. And dentist, with all of their glory, are at the top of the list!
I expressed to my sister one time how much I despise going to the dentist. Her response: “Uh, who LIKES going to he dentist?”
“True”, I thought, all too true.
“G”, I loved your sentiment!!! Good thing I wasn’t drinking my coffee!!! (my computer and keyboard would never be the same…)
Dear Hubby **likes** plain yogurt, –not even the vanilla.– Puts the glop on fruit, then sprinkles with granola.
Me, I only use the stuff in cooking as a replacement for sour cream since some can usually be found in the fridge.
About the wisdom teeth… you poor thing! What a heartless *itch Carmen was to you. When “G” does the destruction thing, no novocaine for la perra.
I can’t say I feel your pain exactly… somehow… I was born without wisdom teeth. Lucky me. But I have had bad headaches.
*hands fish a hanky to blow her snot and tears*
Tooth pain is uncool and unbearable. Poor Carmen. She probably has pain-free dentures. Or maybe she just uses her gums. After all, what better advertising for keeping healthy teeth than a gummy receptionist?
My suggestion: Find a wonderfully down-home dentist with a friendly receptionist and make the appointment. Just make sure you go by the other office on the way so as Carmen looks out the window, you can salute her with the double single-finger wave.
I think you’ve pretty much been beaten in the yogurt argument! I have to say that im with what is seemingly a vast majority – I love vanilla yogurt…
and I really do think that you should find a new dentist, if the receptionist is that mean then what lies behind the door from the waiting room?!
Hope you feel better soon
Much as we’d like to have you up here, dental care isn’t part of the Canadian socialist agenda. Apparently you don’t need teeth to have good health. Bah.
Glad to hear it’s not a tumor. Feel better and good luck with Cerebus of the Reception Desk, I believe you must sing it to sleep in order to pass.
Vanilla yogurt is only good with heaps of brown sugar granola mixed in. And some good news….my husband had his wisdom teeth removed yesterday and it took all of 20 minutes! So, call Carmen the Dental Receptionist back and tell her you won’t take up much of their time. Then she can get back to being a bitch to someone else.
“Coelecanth”- My uncle is in reconstructive dentistry, and lives in Canada. Most of the work he does is for rediculously wealthy old bags, but occationally he does in fact have to do work for the government health care plan. I guess that general dentistry is probably not generally covered, but I would assume that if you have some sort of oral affliction that makes you sick, it can be covered under the Canadian Healthcare plan.
Although Fish, I don’t think this helps you in the least. Sorry!
Move to Canada? Are you kidding? I have lived in Canada all my life, and I’m pretty sure there’s no such thing as a short waiting list for any type of health procedure. Rich people here go to the States to get important procedures done because the system there is so much faster and more efficient.
I guess the grass is always greener, isn’t it? But seriously, public health care is highly overrated.
Glad it’s “just” wisdom teeth that are giving you the headaches. I know what you mean about crying over yogurt. Except for me it was a pastry. My then-boss was having me make constant edits to a complex document, sometimes standing over my shoulder. I had to fax/email to all these different parties, make additional edits as comments came back, etc. More standing over the shoulder. Finally it’s all done for the moment, there’s time for a quick break. I look for my wallet and realize it’s at home and burst into tears.
Anyway, feel better hon! I wonder if working for/as a dentist makes one less sensitive to people who are suffering. If so, they shouldn’t be in the profession!
(p.s. do you watch your marathon dvd’s on your computer since you don’t have a tv? just wonderin’…)
Sounds like it’s time for some coffee ice cream. And some Carmen ass-kicking. I suggest giving her name and number to the scary guy at the gym.
SNOT HAPPENS. I feel a bumper sticker coming on.
whooooooooo! good one, anna! “um, yes, hi. my name’s carmen. here’s my number [heather hands scary-gym-guy the dentist's office number].” ingenious.
i’d buy the t-shirt version, that’s fer sure. (seriously.)
Did the receptionist give you a chance to say why you wanted the appointment? Not all dentists do wisdom teeth–mine doesn’t. She referred me to an oral surgeon, and it was comforting to know that, as big a deal as it was to me, it was routine to him. And it wouldn’t be routine for all dentists. Or maybe you called an oral surgeon and didn’t say so because it sounds pretentious (which I discovered when I heard myself describing my upcoming wisdom teeth extraction a couple of months ago).
As far as vanilla yougurt goes, try Yoplait Custard Style – smooth and creamy. As far as Carmen goes – try a different office. She’d probably mess up your insurance papers anyway.
Great blog, Fish.
Gregg -
Gental Dental? haha, are you kidding me?
My dentist has tvs in every room you can watch while they work.
So ner.
I think I love that you just said, “ner” as a retort.
Tammi- My dentist is soooo gentle and fast that I don’t need anything like TV to distract me. And I never watch TV anyway, so big deal na na na
And he is 6’5″ tall and really strong and could beat up your dentist.
Yeah, finding a new deli is the worst. My deli girl asked if I was pregnant last week and I’ve been deli hopping ever since.
Of course, if your deli can’t meet your needs (like flavored yogurt) then maybe a break-up is inevitable, tears or no.
Hey, I don’t know if this will help at this point or not, but I work for a dentist, and I’m the one who gets to deal with the insurance companies.
It sounds like you’re going to a participating provider. They’re not all bad, but let’s just say that they are often pushed to follow stupid rules and do bad work because they’ve sold their souls to the insurance companies. Depending on your plan, you could probably see a non-part. and still get some of your money reimbursed by your insurance.
And even if you can’t go to a non-part., it still sounds like you need a new dentist. We always take emergencies ASAP, no matter our schedule.
Also? Double check your coverage. A lot of plans have at least six-month waiting periods before any major work, so you don’t sign up and then drop them when the work is done. Makes sense, but still stinks.
And, last thing–I swear–most dentists I know will refer you to an oral surgeon for wisdom teeth anyway, so maybe check for one of them. Sorry you had to have such a bad experience.
“vanilla” yogurt is ok, it’s the “plain” that is downright SICK, lol. people who eat plain yogurt only do it to make the rest of us seem unhealthy. haha, that’s just my take though.
>>Dr. Jonathan Goldenthal DDS. Lousy office – but he’s awesome and so is his staff and none of this insurance crap>>Dr. Jonathan Goldenthal DDS. Lousy office – but he’s awesome and so is his staff and none of this insurance crap
The guy dislocated my jaw and ruptured two disks in my neck, trying to force on a crown which wouldn’t fit. Run as fast as you can from his office.
i worry tthat forums like these can become a bit one sided.
though I am sure it’s cathartic. I know how unfair things can seem as we stumble through life. lets do it more graciously hum