Having a good, old-fashioned crush can make life a little more exciting. It can also make you remember why you stopped having good, old-fashioned crushes a long time ago.
Holy cow, are they ever pointless!
Sure, a nice infatuation will give you something to daydream about during your forty minute imprisonment on the treadmill every evening, but beyond that, where’s the value? For me, a crush means a lot of over-thinking and a lot of under-doing. It means a whole lot of chickening out (even after having been double-dog dared to ask him out for coffee). My favorite tactic, you see, is to be in the same room the object of my liking and speak to everybody but him. Genius, right? I shake my head at myself.
Whenever I develop a crush on a new boy, I tell three people right away.
One, I tell Biscuit. I tell Biscuit because he will “Eeeee! You’re going to have such cute babies!” and make this crush seem like the most fated thing that ever was*. And also, because he will encourage me to make out with the new boy immediately. No sense in wasting time. (He is the double-dog darer, incidentally.)
Two, I tell Ari, because she will help me to dismantle the boy**. Which, being in crush-mode, I am incapable of doing. She will also ask good, eyebrow raising questions about the boy that make me question everything from his sexuality to his taste in coffee. It’s important to be thorough.
Third, I tell Sarah. Sarah will do practical things like ask why exactly I like the boy. If I give good answers, she gives me her blessing***. And then she will periodically check in on the progress. Which, since we’re talking about me means, recounting the number of occasions in which I failed to say something clever to him. Or anything at all really. See the genius part in paragraph 2.
You know, now that I think about it, if all a crush accomplishes (aside from producing awkward moments and unanswered emails) is help pass the time on the treadmill, isn’t that reason enough to have one constantly? Right then. Carry on.
I’m off to bed to think of ways not to interact with my crush, while simultaneously planning our Las Vegas elopement. Genius, right?
*He will wait a solid year before telling you that the same guy was a total tool. Because he is a good friend. And he’s a sucker for love, just like you are.
**She will tell you that he is a tool right away. Also, because she is a good friend. And she is much smarter than you will ever be.
***She will never use the word tool, but nod and laugh when you get drunk and call him other much, much worse names. Because she’s a good friend and she’s really, really nice.
Crushes are fun….and useful too at times. Nice that you have friends who show you all three sides to the story…
“‘Eeeee!’” I love it!
Crushes can be so nice. Especially if you have friends to help you stay balanced, or at least point out to you later how they tried to help.
I love the treadmill…I totally do that when I’m running out of steam. “Remember your ‘husband’??” …you know, the one I haven’t talked to yet….
I used to have a Crush List back in highschool! Used to crush on about 5 guys at the same time and of course “the speaking to everybody but THEM” tactic is ALWAYS a charmer and may help you land one of them…
OK. I am going to tell you a story that will possibly blow your mind.
I have always been the Queen of Crushes.
So – in high school – my main crush (since I had several) was this guy we’ll call S (although his name actuially started with a D).
Everyone at school KNEW I loved S. But I was mortified over anyone knowing, and I went to lengths such as setting S up with friends so he wouldn’t think I liked him.
Then, literally TEN YEARS later, I saw S. And he was engaged. And I got drunk and told him it was a damn shame he was getting married b/c I’d had a crush on him since Junior year English class.
And…it turned out he’d had a crush on me, too.
Now, mind you. The events that followed quickly knocked him off the pedestal I’d spent ten years sculpting for him…but still…
…he’d had a crush on me, too.
And although I’m madly in love with someone else, that still does wonders for my self-esteeem.
So. Whoever it is that you love? Probably loves you back.
you do the talk to everyone but him (her in my case) deal as well? i thought only dudes were chicken enough to pull that 3rd grade stuff. my tactic is to tell her the worst, corny jokes i have. if she laughs, then i’m in!
Oh, yes. It’s genius, alright. I’ve certainly done some genius-level things in this area.
I think they only seem like fun when you aren’t in them… because they certainly don’t seem like fun to me right now.
My crush recently acquired a girlfriend during the past few months that I’ve been aloof around him other than slyly glancing at him. Now I’m thinking I should have had some balls but was too afraid of being rejected. Oh well, at least it gave me something to analyze and a reason to look cute.
Oh! my! god! I can’t tell you how many times a crush has gotten me through treadmill hell and a boring class. I plan our wedding many times over as I wait for the minutes to count down so I can get off or out – as the case might be.
It helps (makes it worse?) that I also have a few friends that call said crush ‘boyfriend’ or ‘my man’ much sooner than said crush even knows my name. My man and I often ‘break-up’ when my eye lingers on a new potential ‘boyfriend’ to obsess over.
BUT! I have plans with my most recent crush tonight! Now whether he realizes it’s a date or not is to be determined.
Sara B is nice? Damn, you just killed my crush.
Sarah B was raised so well — there’s no one who treats people better than she does. Seriously. Her mom should get some kind of award.
So, worse case scenario, your fat jeans get super baggie…you are a genius, perhaps even an evil one at that! If this dude crushes back, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
That would actually be terrifying. But, you know, not in a bad way.
Haahaa… I’m a dismantler – I enjoy that, esp. because dis and man… perfect. You totally understand me
You’re my favorite platonic, LPL ever. Kiss kiss.
I had dinner with my last big crush a few months ago. I was nervous and drank too many vodka tonics. I then proceeded to talk too much and drop a Kung Pao scallop down the front of my white sweater. And just to top the night o’ humiliation off…I tripped as we were leaving the restaurant and basically fell into him. It’s hard to believe he didn’t confess his undying love for me…what with me being so classy, elegant and graceful. Point of all of this? May not always be bad to chicken out when it comes to crushes.
I agree, crushes do wonders for your motivation to get onto that damn treadmill and work out!
heather- so Ari really does call a tool a tool? And all this time I thought she had a secret crush on Morrey. I guess he must really be a tool.
The best time for a crush: about 10 years into your marriage when you know there isn’t a damn thing you’re gonna do about it, but it gives you something to fantasize about, late at night, when you aren’t having sex with your husband because you now hate each other…
oops…did I say too much?
Genius INDEED. Crushes may possibly be the most useless and utterly fabulous way to waste ones time.
Oh how I yearn for butterflies.
**oh the butterflies***
I take your genius one step further and go out of my way NOT to make eye contact with the crush.
Some months ago wasn’t there a boy talking to everyone in the room but you? Perhaps this is a sign.
this was the cutest thing i’ve read in a while.
Well put, fish!
Genius!
What else would keep you amused while you are on the treadmill?!
So you’re saying this year long internet crush on you is somehow wrong? Come on – I’ve already planned my trips to New York, sweepng you off your feet – getting the inside scoop off this blog! Gets me through tons of longs drives and runs.
Haha…I can relate because I have an insane crush on a guy right now. I definitely hadn’t had a crush in years.
yeah, i am back from the most involving crush of all time. it was like a breakup when i realized i needed to get over it. it’s kind of sad to admit that. i think i am like biscuit. i want to believe.
**Drunk Ramblings Ahead**
(ahem)
I have the biggest crush on a really good friend of mine. It’s a total shame he loves his really cool girlfriend as well. While I vaguely entertain notions of keeping up with him and then one day hearing about his breakup and coming clean to him in say, 10 years time, I know my crush on him is useful in that at least through him I can keep my eye on the prize as it were. This is the kind of guy I want to be with. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who wasn’t as cool as he is. I wish I could tell him how I feel, even as a basic compliment, (but how “basic” is “I think you are perfect,” anyways?) but I think it could quite possibly ruin the really good friendship I have with him. If I ever meet his twin, I’m definitely going after him (provided he also has no girlfriend) and would never hesitate to tell him for myself how much he means to me and how much I am happy I know him and how much I appreciate him, and how lucky I feel to know him.
A Boy had a crush on me in the 6th, 7th and 8th grades and now we are happily married with 4 kids!
Even though I have been married for 16 years, I still get occasional crushes on different guys. Actually, I just got over one that is a guy I have to work with. When I FINALLY realized what a jerk (and a few other bad names) he is, I really cant even stand the site of him now! I have one girlfriend that I tell about all my crushes. Shes the best! she will agree with however I’m feeling at the time.
I have a list of top ten crushes that changes weekly. Generally it consists of male gym members where i work. Some of them are a regular feature on my list, others sometimes only last a day.
It keeps me and the other staff entertained!!!!
Love the title of this post! Perfect.
You. Read. My. Mind.
See, I’ve figured that the not-taking-to-him tactic is a good thing.
Story:
After breaking up with Evil Boyfriend two weeks ago, I was standing in WhSmith buying paper. Saw racks of Valentine’s Cards and started to feel very, very depressed. Heard voice asking if I was ok… and turn around to see Sex God. At this point a voice in my head said ‘say something witty then WALK AWAY.’
But you know what came out? “can I have a hug?” Jesus. Luckly he laughed and took me out for coffee because he thought it/I was cute. ( Why? of all things? why did i ask THAT?)
Still, the not talking ever again works for me!
Christ…I feel like you’re stalking me with a post like that. I’m seriously infatuated at the moment and have almost followed your pattern to a tee (insert new names). Difference…this is one bull I’m taking by the horns : )
yup that describes me too…
is it normal??
I haven’t had a crush in such a long time, usually my friends all encourage me to actually ask HIM out. And then I get shy and lose my sass and make doe eyes at him until I get over it.
Probably why my love life has recently gone all Pete Tong.
*sigh*
This is brilliant fish! I also have a holy triumvirate of friends to run my crushes by… One to be excited with, One to be a pessimist with, and one to logically dismantle the entire concept and bring me down to earth.
Sadly, I wish I had one to chat with on the treadmill.
-Sober
Wow! I just started reading your blog a few days ago. I love what you have to say and how you say it. This post, I could have written it. I have had a huge crush on the same guy for a couple of years now. Of course, for the first couple of years,I looked away when he was looking at me and after the fact planned the best things I should have said in all my missed opportunities. I finally have gotten him to know I exist( huge for me) and of course, missed several hints to get coffee. Finally, I told him I was interested( well not in so many words- it could still be read as plantonic in case he isn’t interested and definitely not in person),but no reply. I mean it has been only 4 days,but who’s couting. Thanks fish!! Glad to know I am not the only one that does silly things in the name of crushes!!
this is all well but what advice would you give a boy with a crush on a girl
I just developed a crush…. I haven’t had one in years…. And I am completely infatuated with him. He is my best friend’s roomate, so I get to seem him a lot. I don’t have the guts to tell my best friend (my best friend is a guy) or anyone for that matter, but it’s fun to think about my crush and it gives me a reason to look cute everyday!
Oh my god!! I agree with everything everyone has said!! I have a crush on a guy that comes into my work and I absolutely cannot talk to him…..argh!! He asks how I am I say good how are you he says good then we proceed to stare at each other for awhile. I feel like killing him if he asks how I am again Ha!! Oh he talks to everyone else but not me……Do you think he knows I have a crush????
I had a crush on Michael for months… And I haven’t had a crush in years! I asked him to keep me company one friday night when I was setting two of our mutual aquaintances up on a date. The set-up failed, but that night Michael finally realized that I was into him. We had our first kiss that evening, and I went home and told all my girlfriends that I was going to marry him. Less than a year later, we’re living together and more in love every single day. Moral of the story: don’t be shy! Just give him your phone number, and find some way to hang out in a non-date sort of way… Maybe it will turn into the most important “date” of your life!
I have a crush on a T.A. at my uni!
I love daydreaming about crushes but what a waste of time in the end! I simultaneously love AND hate having a crush!
I agree with Kitty, but I can’t bring myself to ask my crush out…. I am afraid of the rejection and they all my daydreaming will ge gone….
He is sooooo cute, and funny and intelligent, but everytime he talks to me I get all giggly and embarassed… I feel like I am 16 all over again…
I don’t know how to let him know that I am into him…. I haven’t flirted with anyone in years. (I am 27 and have been divorced for 2 years)
If anyone can give me some tips I would appreciate it very much.
I heard about the 3 second rule. If he stares at you for 3 seconds or more than he is interested. And he does!!!! But he hasn’t made a move, so how can I tell if he has a crush on me too?
I am currently in the flings of a full-fledge crush! The thing is is that we have a close knit group of friends that keep trying to set us up all the time, yet we act like we are just friends and we either ignore each other or have cutsy conversations together. He has told friends that he is working up the courage to ask me about and that he is getting his P’s & Q’s together, but this getting his self together has lasted over 3 months now. The only thing that I have seen positive is that Sunday he actually sat beside me, but he was nervous and fidgeting the whole time complaining that he was hot..hhahahha….I acted like nothing was wrong and just smiled and talked on.
I am beginning to wonder what’s his deal and if he is interested or not!
Crushes are torture!! Especially when they are 1500 miles away, think you are the coolest “buddy” chick ever & told you as much when you admitted to crushing!! I’m trying the “30 days to break a habit” trick, but it’s only been 7 days since I’ve talked to him & I’m DYING!!! What’s a girl to do…
How nice to discover I’m not the only one engaging in looong silly daydreams!! I have the world’s biggest crush on my American friend, we have been together a few times, but the relationship continues in my head undisturbed by petty details like the Atlantic! Long-distance crushes can take a lot of your time…
I am in a long term relationship and a while back developed a totally unrequited crush on a classmate who I would never have a chance in Hades with. We are friends and do hang out on rare occasions, but boy was I nodding along to the unanswered emails bit. He’s a busy guy, and I respect that, but my crush has faded because I’ve been blown off once too many times. Moreover I have no intention of joining what I call this guy’s “harem”, because dammit, I want to be special. But darn if he isn’t cute. Oh well!
Usually though I am the sort of person that will have a crush on someone for AGES. Sometimes I’ll act on them and sometimes I will not. But overall, yes, they are totally pointless. But we torture ourselves anyway.
Been a fan of your blog for months now….First time post. My crush and I have been friends for years. Recently, he confessed his feelings for me. And in the same breath, told me he met someone else! Go figure. It is never easy….too bad I still fantasize and hope that one day he will come back to his senses. But would I want him back? Too much pride I guess. But at least I stay in shape at the gym thinking about it
I have this crush on a guy at my job where he is a contractor. He just walked out the door and didn’t speak to me today.
I’m madly in love with (in crush with?) one of my dearest friends. I just about jumped for joy when I found out when he broke up with his lovely, exotic girlfriend…but that only lasted a couple of months. Now he’s trying to get back together with her, but not really calling it that. Every time he and I hang out together, we have a great time and do our fair share of flirting, but how do I deal with this? All I want to do is tell him everything (which I almost did until he mentioned that she was somewhat back in his life). I’ve bumped into other friends while he and I have hung out, and inevitably, everyone thinks we’re an item. Oh, how I wish, but no such luck. I have to say that my sister, bless her heart, acts as all three friends you mentioned in your blog, but she’s mostly dismantling the guy, even though she knows he’s great. I want to believe he’s into me, but the realist in me keeps waking me up from the daydream. What do I do? Anyone? Bueller?
O man! I have a totally similar situation. I have had a crush on my crush for so long, its not quite a crush anymore, I am in love with him. He flirts with me like crazy and everyone who sees us together says we have this crazy chemestry, but thats where it ends, all we do is flirt! Why wont he give it up? I couldnt be more clear of my feelings unless I just came out with it and told him exactly what I wanted. I would do that but I get mixed signals from him. I love him and love having a “crush” on him, but it makes me nuts! I wish I knew how he felt…
haha SO TRUE! All i can say is, every1′s been through this b4 man..and every1 can relate! Having a crush flirt with you can make you soar way above the clouds..but when u discover him liking someone else…its like the plane taking a nose dive straight to the pits of hell..
sigh…Celly, I told my crush directly and found out he didn’t really want a relationship, dno what he means by that, but I think it was just to pacify me, now I’m stuck thinking, will we ever have a chance?! But you know what? It better to hurt and get over it then obsess for the next 2 yrs!!!
Crushes are fantastic… until the crush in question realizes you like him and the fear of a relationship makes all that once cherished (flirtatious) conversation you two shared terribly awkward. The whole thing then becomes completely hopeless, as you can never enjoy the crush in the same way again.
OH MY GOD I NEVER THOUGHT THAT THE CRUSH THING WAS SO WIDESPREAD, THEY’RE A KILLER BUT SO IRRISISTABLE. THAT FIT GUY ACROSS THE ROOM WHO IS TWO YEARS ABOVE YOU. FALL ASLEEP EVER NIGHT THINKING AND FANTASISING ABOUT THEM. WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT WITH MINE AND HE TURNED OUT TO BE A CHEATING LYING PRICK. KEEP THE CRUSH FOR IMAGINATION ONLY!
Oh!
OH OH!
Don’t say you miss the butterflies, I have plenty and I absolutely hate it.
HOW DO YOU GET RID OF IT?
It’s funny I was bored a couple of months before I tripped into this (totally gorgeous) boy. I actually thought a tiny little crush would come handy.
ahem.
But I never thought there are girls that don’t talk to the guy, avoid him ect just like me (till now I thought I was weird and too shy).
So – questions:
1.how do you get rid of it?
2.so – your boyfriends aren’t really your crushes? or how do you end up dating your crush, if you ignore him? 3.And how do you know he likes you back, so you don’t have to ignore him?
my crush already has a girlfriend!
I’m waiting to hear from my crush on how he feels about me. See, he lives in Canada and we only know each other from online but I have this strong attraction towards him. But I do admit, it’s hard because he’s all I think about. I don’t want him to reject me because I’ll be devastated and once again, it’ll become my whole world.
So yeah. I have a crush and he totally leads me on. He actually kissed me and then took it back. I know, what a jerk. But I still have these crazy feelings for him. I told him I liked him and it isn’t awkward between us but he flirts with me like crazy and then says he doesn’t want a relationship after we have hot sex at school. What do I do? I don’t want to let him use me, but I adore him in every way.
completely helpless,
Crazy4James
I’ve had a crush on this guy from school for nearly 2 years now.I’ve had the other odd crushes here and there during that time but he’s always there, in my head.I havn’t seen him e school, but he texts me every now and then late at night. Just recently he told he he was going to ask me out in our last year of school!I was so totally over the moon, and couldn’t get to sleep that night and had a crap day at work the next.But the fact that he had a crush on me too brought the butterflies up everytime I thougt of him.But then there’s the regret of not telling him or showing him how I felt when we were in school. Maybe things could’ve been different. I could be with him now. Mind you, I may still have a chance,..
i have a crush right now and i think he has a crush too. he always looks and we both do that stare thing at eachother. everybody does the stare. right? but im always thinking about him and expecting him to make the move and just walk over to me already. but he wont and it seems that he never will. but that wont stop me from crushing on him. im smitten by him and i dont even know him.
My crush is a terrible situation. I have a boyfriend back home in the States, but I’m in London for two years. We’ve been together for five years, but I recently told him I wanted to see other people. His response: I want to get married. My response: cheat on him. Which makes me a horrible person, I know. But while I love him, but I’ve never been IN love with him. I’ve never felt the butterflies. (I finally convinced him, but he doesn’t know I’m seeing other people.) So this guy I have a crush on is someone I’ve been sleeping with for a couple of months. Basically f*** buddies. But then, I started to develop feelings for him. And he’s the MOST emotionally unavailable man I’ve ever met. We don’t talk well. He doesn’t have any interest in me beyond sex. I’ve seen him flirt with other women. He’s not even as attractive as my boyfriend. But my feelings for him are just out of control. And I’ve never felt like this. So while part of me thinks I should pull out, the rest wants to go with the new experience. Sad.
I don’t know about the stare. my beau did look at me that way, but I don’t know if he wasn’t just tired.
i resently dumped my boyfriend and i thought i would be free and happy to have fun but only a few weeks after i found that he is dating another girl!! we are still friends and talk on the phone but i have found myself insanely jealous!! i think about him non stop and i wish i could tell him how i feel but him and this other girl are now very serious and i dont know what he would do if i told him. im always getting looks from his new girlfriend and im now very very depressed. the longer i wait the more depressed i get!! but also the more i want to wait! i dont know what to do!!!
My crush already has a boyfriend, but her friends told me she is mad about me. I’m confused and know not where to go with this.
My friends set me up with this guy at a party. I totally fell for him…he was adorable. I was even brave enough to invite him out for coffee but he never called me back. According to my friend he really liked me and it scared him because hes not over his ex. I was really disappointed so now Im just doing my thing and going on with life but the problem is I still have a crush on him.
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ooh awkward moments and unanswered emails. that sounds familiar! and talking to everyone but the person 2 aha.
I am ?
always been the crush queen. my latest crush, well he’s pretty cute and we have some crazy weird things in common. there’s some signs he may have one on me too, but we haven’t done anything about it.
What I can’t get, is I just got over it. Like in the past 1/2 hour. Gone. Poof.
Where did it go?