“This lady, she drink too much coffee!”
I didn’t have to look up from where I was stirring Equal into my cup to know she was talking about me. It was my third cup. And it was only 11:45. When I did finally turn back to the counter, all three cashiers were smiling at me. I was the new girl in the neighborhood and we were getting acquainted real fast.
When I was sick last week, all I had to do was stand at the counter and smile. The smile was answered with hollering.
“Largeicedcoffeeskimmilktwoequal!”
Et voila. Caffeination. Little did I know, but I was being judged the whole time.
“The lady at the deli thinks I drink too much coffee.”
“She’s probably right,” my coworker Max said, gesturing at the waste basket near my desk.
“Pfft! Meanwhile, I’m going out. Want some?”
“No, thanks. I’m trying to end my relationship with caffeine.”
“What? God, I could never. We’re moving in together. Coffee and I are getting married. I’ll send you an invitation.”
But then last night, as I lay in bed watching the clock burn away the late night – and then very early morning – hours, I thought maybe I’d been wrong. Maybe it’s time coffee and I took a break. You know, started seeing other people. I mean, they don’t have the same edge, but I guess have met a few herbal teas that were sort of sweet.
God, this is not going to be easy.
Illustration by Alina Chau. Used with permission.
I stopped drinking caffeine for medical reasons a few years ago and the withdrawal isn’t the bad part, it’s when you accidentally get regular instead of decaf months later and you feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest. Maybe just cut back, rather than quit altogether…
Mind you, I typed this whole post while sipping an iced coffee. Cutting back is the ONLY option. Quitting would be insanity.
I drank a cup of coffee one time and was up all night! I indulge in those frozen coffees mixed with carmel and lots of whip cream sometimes, which after all that hardly tastes like coffee. I guess that’s why I like it.
My mother on the other hand has coffee running through her veins. The woman used to drink coffee 24/7. I would never see her without a cup of coffee even in 100 degree weather. I once made her a coffee cup in art class and she didn’t use it because it was too small. She uses a “bowl” with a handle on it. She has cut down in recent years to only 2/3 cups a day. I agree with M, just cut back don’t quit.
Mr. Coffee isn’t Mr. zzzzuh is he?
I totally get the coffee thing… BUT – You are so holding out on ZZZUHHH!!! Are you going to keep us in suspense forever?!?!
I cut back on coffee drastically simply because the coffee in my office is just terrible. My office is out in the burbs of the burbs, so it’s a drive to get a good cup. Which is probably a blessing, it’s true. I’ve switched to tea for the afternoons, either herbal or maybe a little caffieine. I’m very partial to Celestial Seasonings Pear White Tea and Blueberry Breeze Green Tea. And there’s always Earl Grey.
As an added bonus, if you start liking tea so much you would drink it at home, you are then entitled to purchase a teapot. And teapots are fun!
Yes, Erin. Probably.
And e., I already have a teapot. A red one! I love it but it does get very little use.
Oh, how often I have tried kicking coffee to the curb. But I always come crawling back in shame. It makes me feel like a junkie! Especially when I so badly NEED COFFEE that when posed with no sugar (with whom I have an equally devilish romance) I just cringe and bear it. I am soooo going to have diabetes and high blood pressure when this catches up to me….
I could never, EVER , end my relationship with coffee. It’s always there, especially after a horrible day at work
I couldn’t do it either. For me it’s not so much the boost or anything I get from it that I crave… it’s more the habit of it. I make sure to always set aside an extra 10 every morning to go to DD’s… and seeing the guy behind the counter who always seems so amused by me makes my morning. Then I end up sipping on it all morning long (if it’s an iced coffee)…I’ve often thought- I get coffee because it’s the thing to do. On my way to work I drive past the Dunkin Donuts and I make time to stop. On a morning after a night of cocktails, I crave a coffee. But really, it has no effect on me- it doesn’t so much pep me or give me a boost… as much as I’ve just gotten the hang of having it as part of every day.
No matter whatelse happens during my very unpredictable job, I know I can always count on my daily coffee.
Um, since coco is also sometimes coffee_bean in other places, lemme share this…
IF coffee is affecting the sleep time, then you can simply work on the timing of the last cup of the day to fix that problem. My afternoon limit is around 3pm… Coffee after 3pm means I’m sacrificing sleep. But, that’s a chance I’m sometimes willing to take
My body is evil as it is crazy sensitive to caffeine and prevents me from sleeping every chance it gets. Thus, we have a compromise. I drink coffee whenever I feel like it on weekends and stick with decaf EVERYTHING during the week. Just add it to the many other reasons that I look forward to Fridays.
Awww, good luck breaking the habit, Fish! My 20 oz. used to BARELY touch my tiredness in the morning, but after being so addicted, I finally decided it was time for the purging of the caffeine-saturated system. I was really cranky and scary for three weeks (I’m sure your co-workers are going to appreciate that!), but you really will feel much, much better when you switch to tea. Try Earl Grey or Bigelow’s Constant Comment…they’re both kind of spicy black teas, so at least you’re getting something with a punch (as opposed to like Chamomile…) Good luck and my condolences on the end of such a lengthy relationship.
My suggestions for cutting back:
1. The later in the day it is, the more you should avoid caffeine, which seems like a “duh”, but you’d be surprised how an 8 a.m. coffee lets you sleep easier than one at 2 p.m.
2. If you have trouble cutting back on the number of drinks, cut back by choosing drinks with less caffeine. Try mixing decaf with your caffeinated.
On a slightly unrelated note, I heard a rumor once upon a time that being on the pill increases the effects of caffeine. Don’t know if it’s true, but it can’t hurt to consider if you’re on the pill or thinking about it.
As long as you’re not smoking crack and/or an alcoholic, I say what is one vice? I live in Seattle and after spending on average ten bucks a day on coffee, tips, etc. this is how I justify my little “addiction”.
i wish my regular coffee guy remembers me every morning. he doesn’t! and no, the thought of breaking up with coffee is a no-no. though, i’ve been on some tea kick lately. so maybe i’ve been cheating without realizing it? sweet.
Chai Tea. It’s the way to go. It’s very coffee like in taste and should be made with milk so it’s creamy and delicious and not at all difficult to make the switch. I recommend Bigelow Vanilla Chai. It’s my fave…
how about hearty roastaroma from celestial seasonings? or why not just try decaf?
my prayers are with you darlin’. It is NOT easy. I started off by drinking half decaf, half regular. Not so bad. But I just can’t quit drinking my dr.peppers. I only have one at lunch. But I look forward to it all day!!! Good luck.
I had to switch due to the havoc coffee was wreaking on my stomach (even decaf). If you do decide to try to replace coffee with tea (I did), I recommend Rooibos Tea – it is a red tea that has a lot of antioxidants, tastes WAY better than green tea, and is naturally caffeine free.
Caffeine is the new Nicotine.
I gave up coffee one year for Lent. I’ll never do that again. I’ve cut back but will never quit altogether.
Just a quick comment on the Zzzuh!. In Parade Magazine two weeks ago, there was an article on “social intelligence” that specifically talked about the zzuh! effect and its physiological roots. Pretty cool stuff.
I was sitting in my management lecture today and slowly drifting away amidst the power point show. All I could think about was when class would let out so I could run to the quickmart on campus for a cup of joe. Of course, by the time this happened, I remembered that I’m in south LA and hot coffee in the middle of the afternoon was a bad idea. I went for the fountain Diet Coke instead. Moral of the story? Switch to Diet Coke now and then. But becareful, it’s equally addicting as the coffee.
I’m really loving your blog more and more each day!
I tried to break up with coffee before, but came crawling back like some kind of strung-out caffeine whore. I have to admit, I would inject coffee straight into my veins if I could. Just to give an idea of how often I buy coffee: 2 months ago, a couple of workers from my regular Starbucks caught me coming out of Coffee Bean (total shock to see them, as I was in a completely different neighborhood). One of them points at me & says, “Hey, it’s tall soy mocha with easy whip!” and the other responds, “Yeah, but lately she’s tall iced americano with 2 pumps sugar-free vanilla & room for cream.” Funny how coffee can take on a life of its own…
Hi, Heather!
I began reading your wonderfully witty blog two weeks ago and today’s posting prompted me to post a comment…it was hilarious!!! I, too, am a fellow “java-junkie” … and when my coworkers (they mean well!) just brought up my voracious coffee drinking habits …well, it was serendipity.
My theory is that my caffeine consumption is the least of my vices. BUT: what really strikes me as way too funny is the fact that people are really paying THAT much attention to what I do! I think it is hilarious…I am a pretty “nifty fifty” (yeah, that also blows people away…I always give my age!!!…what’s THAT about; just means I have a few more “miles on my meter”…though no worse for the wear!) and I was raised to believe that people are so self-absorbed that they just don’t attend to the small details about others. Guess your post today and my own personal experience shoots down that theory!!!
Anyway, keep on doing what you are doing so well…I am truly enjoying your site.
QUIT COFFEE? Well that’s just crazy. And brave. But crazy. I do understand cutting back though…slighty…in uni I used to have like 7 cups a day…teh first couple weeks when I was working down to my now three were so painful. Painful for me and probably everyone around me. Good luck!
It doesn’t matter whether it’s coffee or diet coke. The later you drink it during the day, the more wide-eyed you’re going to be at night. I never thought my diet cokes had any effect on me until I started drinking them at night. I have a second job bartending at night, so while working I would drink diet cokes all night and then when I would get home at 1am I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and couldn’t figure out why. Then when my alarm would go off at 6am to go to the real job, I’d be dragging all day. Finally a lightbulb went off and I realized it was the diet cokes. Now at night it’s plain old seltzer with a lime for me, and it’s definetly helped.
Yeah, what are you going to give up next, then, booze? F that! I don’t think you should change a thing. Don’t let the caffeine nay-sayers bring you down, just because they can’t handle their highs.
And I apologize for the improper comma usage in the first sentence.
See this is exactly why I never even started touching the stuff.
I tried to give blood once. They rejected my blood because it came out half red blood cells and half diet Pepsi/coffee…..
It’s funny that you posted that today. First time poster, but I have been reading your blog for awhile now. I am sitting here all jacked up because I have had ummm six 8 oz cups of coffee, and I’m on the verge of throwing up. I was just telling myself that I needed to cut back. Caffine overdose doesn’t feel so great. I doubt that tomorrow will be any different though. Going to bed at midnight and getting up at 5 am will make you kinda sleepy in the mornings. Bad thing about it though, I don’t get the jolt until about 3:30-4:00, and by that time I only have an hour left. I think I need to find something else for that extra pep! Good luck with your cutting back. It’s going to be hard for me too, even though I feel so sick. It tastes so good!
This is such a terrible idea! There are a few of us who share an office with you and I’m pretty sure that we’d all agree that this is just a silly idea.
Couple of thoughts:
* Why on earth would a person who sells coffee make a comment like that? Is the candy man going to start informing us that sugar is bad our teeth?
* When it comes down to it, is sleep really that necessary? I drink a sugar free Red-Bull almost every night and I’m totally normal.
* There are so many worse things that a person could do themselves.
* Being one of the few here who is actually sharing an office with you, I think that this is a terrible idea.
Infact, I think that you should put the name / address of the deli up so that everyone reading can boycott! It’s the way that we can stop this kind of outrageous behavior!
To be brutally honest, it sucks. I did it once on a health kick (never again!). And the second time, when I was pregnant with my son.
Now in the parenting bandwagon–I just can’t part ways with the bastard. Caffiene. Never. I mean, withdrawl makes me nasty–and who wants THAT!
While 3 cups by 11:45 is pretty hardcore, I’ll agree with various posters that cutting back, rather than quitting, is the way to go. When I finally quit smoking for good (almost 6 years ago), I turned to large amounts of coffee to fill the void, and coffee has been very, very good to me. Cures migraines, too!
I remember when you would talk about your red teapot from BB&B and how you liked for it to be place “just so” on the right side of the stove. How’d you get so hooked on the hard stuff?
No coffee, no workee.
There is always de-caffinated coffee, right?
I’m a big fan of the chai latte. You could use that to help you step down slowly from the habit.
I switched to decaf about 10 years ago. I have to write my drink down on the rare occasions when my hubby gets it for me. He cannot remember what my usual drink is.
Nor does he understand why so many women don’t just drink regular drip coffee like most men do. He doesn’t get why so many of us like lattes and mochas and need to order such and such with those drinks.
He wants something simple and straight up.
Mmmmmmm, Mmmmmmm,
Keep the coffee and hold out on sharing the zzuuuhh.* Both decisions will undoubtedly be better for your happiness and your nerves, I’m sure.
*I don’t even spell it right, do I? Oh well, I still say hold out.
Maybe you could switch to iced tea? That’s what Ive been chugging nonstop since I found your site last week. Ive been staying up late and missing classes this week to read over the last few years of your life and loved it! And now Im done and a little lost about what do with myself. Thanks for keeping it real and being so relatable, I feel like you’re who I could be a few years from now.
We have decaf at home so I only drink real coffee during the day and the last one about 3pm.
As a teenager I went to the doctor and complained of insomnia and he asked how much coffee I drank. When I added it all up it was close to 20 cups a day! Now 2 or 3 plus 1 or 2 of decaf in the evening.
…forgot to mention this yesterday…If you decide to quit or cut down: watch out for those “rebound headaches”…On the (very rare) occasions I have found myself without caffeine in my bloodstream for a prolonged period…the withdrawal is quite real and PAINFUL. So, if you do it…go slowly and taper off. OR: do a preemptive strike and have some pain killer of choice in your system prior to cut-off.
(Oh, yeah…can you tell I’m a doting Mom as well as a fellow java-junkie)
Have a great day & weekend, Heather!
Here here on the cutting back rather than quitting outright. The problem is will power. I had given up caffine 6 years ago only to start working in a place with free soda…a few to many late nights and I was hooked again. It’s hard to avoid going down the hall for “just one more”.
If it’s effecting yoursleep, try limiting the coffee to the morning hours, that way it has time to get out of your system before bed.
Coffee and I tend to break up on a twice-a-year basis. I’ve determined that we will likely be together, you know, someday down the road when I grow up and don’t need so much attention from it. At this point, we just take “breaks” and I start seeing Decaf Chai Teabags with nonfat and Splenda instead.
Give up caffeine…are you mad?! Without my morning coffee fix, I’m a foul-mouthed, short tempered beast with no sense of co-ordination who ends up tripping over everything! If I owned a gun, I’d be in prison right now for murder at 7 AM
Of course, I’m not as bad as I was in university; I used to keep a case of Red Bull next to my bed, then quaff a can as soon as I woke up. Made for ‘intense’ morning (think Road Runner without the ‘meep meep’).
I’ve got to agree with everyone who says don’t drink caffeine beverages late in the day (after 3 PM). Not being able to fall asleep until the wee hours was part of the ‘Red Bull in the morning’ problem I had. But weaning myselft off the stuff was like trying to get a crack addict to straighen up.
You can do it! I love coffee and still drink it on vacations, but I was drinking too much on a daily basis. Quit one day (day of hell – feeling like I had the flu)(just go to bed early). A friend was highly irritated, as it took her 2 weeks of feeling like she had the flu when she quit. Now, I mainly drink green tea (fyi – you must use 2 green tea teabags, or the stuff is so nasty) (also go for either citrus or mint flavored). Best of luck!
Never, ever, give up on the good friend “coffee”. Maybe you could just have a nice, big, super huge cup before the day starts.
Seriously, could you ever imagine life without it??
To Stephanie, my mother is the SAME exact way! And now she has me addicted. At one point over the summer, I couldn’t function through a day without one cup. Gosh, its sad. But coffee is SO good!
I haven’t had my regular morning coffee since May 15, and I feel great. I drink black tea instead. It’s better for the adrenal glands, immune system, and if you keep it up, the PMS.
I drink an entire pot before I even leave my house in the morning. And my cup is refilled countless times during the work day, up to and including my 4:15 pm pick-me-up. After reading through some of these comments, I’m rethinking my stupidity.
Cut back? Sure, you can do that. Quit? Hogwash! Absolutely no need. I cut back to two travel mugs’ worth, all gone by 9 am. The medical reason that the caffeine was aggravating disappeared. I can give up tea switch to non-caffeine soft drinks, but no java in the am? Good Lord, I’d rather be a nun. Even they can drink coffee!
i wanted to write more, but the voices in my head want more caffiene….
i drank green tea all weekend after a 2 day bender and that didnt work…
good luck with your quitting .
Don’t do it – its useless! Once caffeine gets to you, he never lets go – he is like the guy you think you could never live without, yet, you know he is not good for you. I should know, I’m dating his sister, “Red Bull” – I should have know just by the name, this dame was going to be bad news, but you know what they say, its always the bad ones that we are drawn to.
=)