Provo, Utah. 1998. If you read yesterday’s post, I mentioned a conversation I had in the bookstore where I worked during college. This is that totally bizarre conversation.
“Aren’t you jealous?”
I looked up from the Harry Potter galley I was reading and there was the Bird Man. That wasn’t his name because we liked to make fun of him. It was from the large, expensive ornithology books he’d special order from Dave or Walter. No one knew his real name. He was one of those customers who came in often but never cared to make friends with any of the staff. And he stood out. It was obvious that he was at least, mildly mentally handicapped. Large and clumsy, he always wore what looked like safety goggles. I’d wondered if that said something about exactly how clumsy he was, or if he simply needed an extra strength prescription and security against losing his glasses.
“Aren’t you jealous?” he asked again.
Reluctant to start a conversation with him, I had tried to ignore what he’d said. Pass it off as not meant for me. What would I have to be jealous of – that he would know about anyway? I looked him over. His teal t-shirt was stained and haphazardly shoved below a canvas belt into loose khakis, goggles pushed back on his nose revealing a deep dent in the bridge. He was clutching a large volume (a bird book, without a doubt).
“Jealous of what?”
“That they stole your Star Wars idea.”
I raised my eyebrows and choked on a laugh. Even the Birdman was not immune to the current media hype. I swallowed the laugh back down, not wanting to be unkind to him. He was harmless and I did not want to embarrass him.
“It was your idea and they took it from you.”
“Yeah,” I said. “But what can I do about it now?”
“You should sue George Lucas for 90 million dollars.”
“But I don’t really need that much money.” I watched his face as he considered my answer. He was obviously convinced that I’d been cheated.
“You’re on the board of directors and they keep stealing your ideas.”
“Yeah, well…”
I was starting to feel a little awkward. There was no script on my end, though he seemed to know exactly what was going on. But I didn’t need to say one word more. Suddenly, as though he’d become aware of reality and his diversion from it, he straightened up, jabbed a meaty finger at his goggles and walked off down the aisle.
Why didn’t you tell us you were on the Board of Directors….lol
I am a little jealous.
You can not make **** like that up!
Does stuff like this happen to everyone in New york or just you. You could probably write a book with all of the strange encounters you have had.
Harry Potter galley? Either this is a memory post, or you may just be inciting a riot with a copy of the last book!
I hate those awkward moments when someone like the Birdman unintentionally puts you in a position of feeling uncomfortably luxurious in your sanity. He did nothing wrong, you did nothing wrong, but everyone ends up feeling horribly uncomfortable because of who you are, even though it’s wildly out of your control…
Diregard my galley comment. I didn’t read in order
This did not happen in New York. It happened in Provo, Utah… in 1998. I was reading the galley to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (long before the huge craze) and Star Wars Episode One was was the big and up and coming movie.
I met the Bird Man the other day! He came into the pet store. He told me he works for an Ornithology professor at BYU. He asked what I would do if he bought me some kind of bird I’ve never heard of. Then he told me it costs over 50,00 dollars. I wasn’t sure what to say. I know it must be the same man. You described him perfectly.
This is nitpicky…but did your orignal post say “gallery” instead of galley? Just a test of my visual memory.
Sorry fish, I must have missed the part at the top where it says “Provo, Utah. 1998″…DUH!
Whoa! N! That’s awesome! I’m so glad you saw him!
No, Tara, it didn’t. And Maggie, I added that so no one else would be confused.
Are you from Utah? I am, quite a place. did you just attend college here? I just started a reading a few months ago. I also signed up for you guinea pig.
I’m sorry, it’s still early and maybe I’m not fully awake yet but I’m confused. Did you have something to do with Star Wars, or are you just writing about a kooky guy who thought you were involved with Star Wars?
But you SHOULD be on the board of directors. And they DO keep stealing your ideas.
Just sayin’.
This post confused the hell out of me. Obviously you were just as confused on that day in ’98.
I don’t get it.
huh?
Maybe it’s just me but I totally got it!
I’ve seen people like that here at home. I think they all congregate around universities!
whoa, you went to school in provo? that’s where i am as we speak. wild. anyhow, i love your blog.
Heather- We have a woman in our build who looks like a bird and exhibits similar anti-social behaviour. We fondly refer to her as the bird-lady. I recently found out that she is a therapist. Go figure. -Gregg
Tara, if you’re crazy, then so am I!!! I could’ve sworn I read the word “gallery”. Hmmm….guess that’s totally irrelevant anyway though. Sometimes I think it would be nice to live in that kind of oblivian. When reality is not so kind, then ignorance would indeed be bliss.
(From This Fish: I even went back to check the original MS Word file to make sure I didn’t change anything without remembering. And nope, it always said “galley.”)
Thought in the first: It’s a bit sad how uncomfortable it is to depart from the drab little script of our everyday conversations, isn’t it?
Thought in the second: It’s all right that there was a typo, Fish. Galley, Gallery. Whatever. We all still love you. We all make mistakes. The important thing is just to admit it and move on.
Let’s just all agree that this post was confusing as hell. Looking forward to a new post.
Now that is funny! I absolutely love to hear bizarre stories like that..and once again…Fish…very well written account!
OMG what a great exchange and you handled it so well! Thanks for sharing one of thhose little gem memories, brings back a few of my own.
Though in the third: I’m just screwing with you. There wasn’t a typo. But that’s what you get for being all “I read Harry Potter before it was popular.” Unasked for forgiveness rank with condescension.
That’s awesome!
Pssst..Fish.
Have you heard about this before? http://www.bettybeauty.com/
Would you be interested in trying it and reporting back on the..err..usefulness?
Hahah! I think my friends and I are going to get together and have a “Fun Betty” night….It’s offical. We’ve lost it.
And I thought I was the only one to constantly encounter the crazies! The other morning in downtown Dallas a woman came up to me and started raving that nobody could tell her she hadn’t lived. What else could I do but tell her she was right? I think I would have preferred to encounter your bird man Fish!
I manage a used book store. A bunch of years ago we were having a problem with the horror section. It seemed like the staff were never organizing it but every time I tried to find out why there was no clear answer.
This went on for a couple of months until one day I spotted a woman lingering in the section. She was holding a book and carefully considering it. She then, just as carefully, considered the shelves and put it back in a new spot. She picked out another book and repeated the proceedure.
I watched her for 10 minutes or so and couldn’t for the life of me figure out what her system was. Alphabetical by title? No. By colour? No. By cover art? Satanic babies here, smoky eyed demons there? No.
Finally I asked her. She claimed to be shopping and when I said, “No, you’re reordering them and I was just wondering how exactly?” she dropped the book she was holding and walked out never to be seen again.
Bookstores are the magnetic north on the crazy/harmless compass.
One of my friends once asked “Is it me, or does God just put people in my path to make me feel uncomfortable?” I think that maybe he does.
I can not stand to sit back and watch or listen to someone make fun of a person with a disability or a handicap. I think that is just obsered. What if you were in thier shoes and they were the ones laughing and making jokes about you. How would that make you feel. Maybe if you would take the time out to ask him his name, you might be suprised. Insteed, you want to laugh at him and call him names just b/c he has a handicap. You know I have worked with the mentally handicap and the disabled and I tell you what some of those people are some of the best people I have met in my life and I am happy to say that I knew them. Next time why don’t you put forth the effort and you might just be suprised
(From This Fish: Nowhere in that post — or in my LIFE — is there evidence of disrespect for that man or anyone else with a disability. He is Bird Man because he BUYS BIRD BOOKS, you asshole. Now take your holier-than-thou attitude and ride your high horse away to where you can be offended on someone else’s behalf (maybe someone wearing skinny jeans — I mock them ceaselessly), because it’s undeserved here.)