Several months ago, my friend Josh and I got drunk and decided we should date. Each other.
Some of my friends are now probably looking at their monitors and thinking, “Surely she doesn’t mean that Josh.” Oh, but I do. And it lasted about five whole minutes. Which is why you’re not hearing about it until now.
One minute we were drawing dirty pictures on bar napkins, telling the bartender what enormous pains-in-the-asses we’d always been to each other and the next, making plans to go on a real, actual date that Saturday night.
I spent the next day sitting in my office laughing into styrofoam coffee cups, viciously hungover and utterly bemused. What the hell were we thinking? It was crazy, alright, but so crazy it might work? I wasn’t sure.
Now, over time, I’ve become pretty convinced that if anything is ever going to work out for me, it’s going to have to be a least a little bit zany. You people have seen me try normal – I spent all spring trying normal - and you know exactly how well that turned out. Moonlit walks in the park, mid-afternoon phone calls to see how my day was going, compliments and invitations to meet the family.
Josh and I, on the other hand, have always been like flint and steel (Josh, obviously being the abrasive, irritating one. Ahem.). It’s as though we were conceived with the purpose of meeting one day and provoking the hell out of each other. And I think the closest he ever came to paying me a compliment was to say that I laughed like a lunatic. Oh, and that he would be the first to tell me if I ever got fat.
Aw, how sweet. But still, when Josh kissed me, I nearly fell off my bar stool. So, there was that.
Anyway, there are some pretty funny stories to be told about the few real, actual dates we went on – and then the week of emails that, in the end, never said much more than “This is either an excellent or terrible idea.” But the short version is, terrible won out, earrings were returned and we went back to our normal routines. Smart ass emails. Lots of eye-rolling.
Then two days ago, Josh stopped by my office to help out with a project I’m working on. And while we’d seen each other a few times since the Dating Incident of 2006, it suddenly seemed really, really funny – in an uncomfortable, circusy, man-that-was-a-close-call kinda way.
And of course, I still absolutely love/hate Josh (where would steel be without flint?), but as I walked him out of the office, kissed him on the cheek and as he disappeared out the door onto the sidewalk, I couldn’t help but think,
My god, am I glad he never saw me naked.
I do seem to recall something about that. Bit of a study in opposites, wasn’t it? Now where’s my gorgeous, tall, Mormon guy to date?
Oh wow. I read the part about “drawing dirty pictures on bar napkins” and it felt all too familiar. Could that picture have been of a naked lady / moose? Took me just a minute to put it all together! Still shaking my head over that one!
I’m really happy that you two could try it out without ruining a friendship. It is rare that something like this ends with the laughing still intact. I’m impressed and loved reading about it.
Keep the stories coming. Your life is inspirationally fun!
Great post! A reader suggested I check you out and am I ever glad I did. I’ll be back…
Ha, you are lucky you guys can kind of make light of it all and laugh now.
Will Josh read this?
Happy almost weekend!
I was in a “friends, but maybe more”, turned “friends with benefits”, turned “really old friends who barely see/talk to each other cause we’re now dating other people and they just wouldn’t understand that whole f*cked up story” relationship. If this story ended with the two of you madly in love with each other, than I would say “BRAVO”! But, from experience, they generally don’t end that way, do they? Consider yourself lucky to have never flashed him your pale rear-end…that thought gives me something more than just a little chuckle when I see him now!
Hi Fish,
I read your blog often and have been inspired by your writing to attempt blog posts and other ramblings of my own. Out of curiousity, how did you get started writing (for pay) and do you have any recommendations for getting started?
I think it’s amazing that you had the guts and the ability to walk away from a job that wasn’t fulfilling. I also think it’s wonderful that you have a job you actually enjoy. It gives us (your readers) hope that the same is out there for those of us still searching.
In some parallel universe there are men who are zzuuhhh and safe all at the same time. I swear.
I soooooooooooooooo love this!! Stumbled upon it by accident and will be stumbling upon it again soon!!
Clare
Thank god he didn’t see you naked and thank god it didn’t end differently. Nothing worse than a friend turned stalker!
I don’t know, could there be a “to be continued…” dangling out there? Maybe I’m in an optimistic mood, and granted I don’t know you or Josh, and maybe I’ve seen too many movies and TV shows where the bickering turned out to be foreplay. Halfway through the story I started to imagine a different ending, though. Great post, thanks for sharing.
I absolutely love your writing style. And nice new pic, too!
he is probably thinking the same thing.
Most likely
So when you say you want something a “little bit zany”, what does that really mean? Like I thought the problem with the guy from the spring was that he turned out to be an ass. But compliments, moonlit walks and emotional availability … what more are you looking for? The zzzzzuz, yeah, but what do you think it takes to achieve that?
Just curious…
He did indeed turn out to be an ass. But I was uncomfortable for a long time before that. I don’t know what it means except that predictable and run-of-the-mill has become unpalatable.
All in all I think this probably turned out as well as could be expected and now you never have to wonder “what if?”