When he climbed in bed next to me, I thought, no big deal. The five of us had come back to Venice hostel that night in various stages of drunk, and it was cold in the attic dorm room. Really cold. Obviously he just wanted someone to sleep next to. I mean, I was ten years older than the kid, so there was no way he wanted…
That’s when he started rubbing my arm. And kissing my ear.
“I think you need to go to your bed,” I said, ripping the yellow spongy earplugs out of my ears and inching away. It was a twin bed; there wasn’t really anywhere to go.
“Do you really want me to?
“Yes! Yes, I really want you to!”
I was not about to turn Mrs. Robinson in a room full of sleeping strangers. He was out of his gourd!
And what he said next will go down as the biggest pillow-talk backfire in the history of… well, ever. The best worst line. Sliding his hand down my arm, he lowered his voice and said,
“Come on, Heather. You can be twenty again.”
“Out!”
I can be twenty again? Flattering! And, uh, no thank you. I wouldn’t be twenty again for a lifetime of spa pedicures and a day pass to Detective Elliot Stabler’s wardrobe trailer. That is how much I do not want to be twenty again. I love my not-twenty crows feet and the age-acquired good sense to not hook up with a college kid while his friend is sleeping five feet away. Twenty again! Gah!
Besides, at twenty, I was Mormon and extremely uptight. And I’m betting he didn’t climb into bed with me so we could pray together.
Hahaha! I wouldn’t have done that at twenty either, and I definitely wouldn’t do it now. Get out of my bed, you freak!
Ha, that’s funny! At twenty, I was Mormon and uptight too! Okay, now that I think about it I was closer to sixteen when I was Mormon and uptight, but still… funny coincidence.
I am loving your stories from traveling though!
I don’t know what’s more funny that he actually said it, or that he thought it would work!! Freakin’ hilarious!
Dude – that still was a great bad line. Imagine remembering some 20 something lines we all uttered… food for thought huh…
uh…i don’t understand why you didn’t get in there. hot 20 yr old tail? what’s wrong with you?
If the arm-rubbing and ear kissing was any indication, it wasn’t going to be a mind-blowing experience. I don’t think there’s anything inherently hot about 20 year old tail…
Blech. Icky. Gag. Doesn’t it feel good NOT to be that desperate?! I’ll bet he wasn’t even that cute…with or without the wine. Eeeew.
hahah i was uptight and mormon at 20 as well. awesome.
That was the worst line EVER – what a moron. The fact that he thought that line would work, shows how young and clueless he is.
I can top that one. I had a boy once try to bed me simply by pulling down his pants and saying “Oops, my penis fell out.” Classy.
Yuck! What a tool!
TOO funny! I’m embarrassed FOR him. Kinda like when those horrible people audition for Amer. Idol. Ugh. Yeah, even IF the ear kissing (eew) and arm rubbing (?) DID do it for ya, the second he said that it would been like…. crash, bang, no boom boom. You never realize how young 20 is until your not…
ahhh, the arrogance of youth. or, more accurately, the arrogance of 20-something boys.
yay for turning 30!!
Plus, you’re better at it now!
You know, on Facebook, I have guys in their 20s and early 30s chasing me. And I put my real age, which is much older than 20. Guys now seem to appreciate the older woman. It’s certainly more fun being 40 than twenty. Except for gravity…
Long-time reader, first time commenting… I had to come out of the woodwork on this one because it’s just THAT ridiculous! What a piece of scum. I sort of feel like I need a shower now.
Wow. That’s… just amazing. Only a 20-year-old guy would say something so lame.
It really takes a 20 year old to think that’s a good line.
God.
Hmmm. There is nothing that a 20 year old boy has to offer a woman. Of that I am (almost) sure. I haven’t had the opportunity. It reminds me of a guy that once told me if I kept it up I would end up with a ring on my finger. As if it was some prize I was trying for. Needless to say he got the boot!
I feel the same way…there’s nothing under the sun that could be promised to me that would make me think I wanted to be 20 again…good move on your part.
As I recall 20 year old men didn’t know a lot about pleasing a woman anyway. Give me a seasoned 30 something guy whose been around the block a couple of times any day.
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com
I went out with a “younger” guy once when I was 24 (he was 20). He did not have a car, so I drove (!), and we went to an arcade. No, 20 year olds are not worth the work it takes to raise them. Any, by the time they figure out what they’re doing wrong, they want a 20-something of their own….. Nice call, Fish.
Aww..shucks..I thought this post was going to be hot and steamy…not friggin hilarious!
LOL…ohhh man… gotta lov’em for trying.
Sigh…kids. 
….20 again?! Sure…KNOWING WHAT I KNOW NOW…I’d be 20 again.
Well, he was certainty in your bed for some kind of “Oh God” moment.
I think the worst line was:
“come on you can say you got with a hott guy once”
Lol
this was hilarious. i wish i wrote like you.
So I am best friends with this freak and let me tell you, it was freakin hilarious laying in the bed near them and listening to her say “please get out of my bed.” I almost starting laughing out loud under my sheets but I didn’t. Good story Ms Heather!
SO I am this freak she is talking about, and let me tell you, I was spitting mad game I don’t know what she is talking about. She was loving every minute of it! All you people commenting know your just jealous and wish this young buck was jumping in your bed.
PS. I am 21 now, so watch out!
Happy to have had to chance to have heard that tale in person in the Beehive cafe as one of those two Brits and a Canadian you mentioned a few posts back! A good evening with very enjoyable company. Hope you’re keeping well Miss Hunter.
We all know older women are dying for young 20 year old meat
With amazing pick up lines like that – one hopes natural selection will keep him from contributing to the gene pool
I am killing myself laughing right now. I agree with you. I am so done with my 20s and very happy to be 30.
I’m thankful every day that I married a man older than me! Only 4 years, but it makes a huge difference. I hated 20-year-old guys when I WAS 20.
Ditto to that, T. I’m 20 years old right now, and I find that guys my own age have a tendency to be blithering idiots. This blog post only adds to the huge piles of evidence. : )
This was THE best thing I’ve heard all day… “And I’m betting he didn’t climb into bed with me so we could pray together.” Perhaps I laughed so hard because I SO relate.
hahahaha!!! some little boy tried that same line on me once via im. “don’t you want to remember what it’s like to be with a 20 year old?” i thought a minute, and replied “yeah, just did. thank god i don’t have to again. adios.”
I was uptight and Mormon at twenty, also– I wouldn’t go back there for all the chocolate in the world.
Ohhhhh, damn. That deserved a fling out of the bed….by his mr. winky.