I thought, at first, he was just being obtuse when he emailed on Monday, asking about my plans for the week. Uh, Romeo? Thursday is Valentine’s Day. But I said nothing and instead waited for him to step up his game. You know, or not. He called the next night.
“What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day?”
“Pro,” I said.
“Huh?”
“Pro. You asked me what I think about Valentine’s Day and I’m for it. If you’re asking if I have plans for Valentine’s Day…”
“See, the thing is, I already made plans with friends a long time ago.”
I laughed. “Why didn’t you just say that?”
“I was worried you might be offended or think I wasn’t into you. Which isn’t the case. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
I laughed again. “I remain unoffended.”
Having never spent a Valentine’s Day spoiled by flowers and dinner and candles and such, I was sure I could live through another one without it. Especially after hearing how much he resented his past experiences with the holiday – being pressured into meeting over-the-top expectations.
“Uch. I’d probably hate it, too.”
“You sure you’re not upset or anything?”
“Silly, of course not! Wait, should I be?”
“I… no. It’s just, well, I guess I’ve been dating the wrong girls.”
“Sounds like it.”
I couldn’t think of anything I’d want less than for a man to do something seemingly sweet and romantic for me out of obligation. Gross. I want you to open my door and send me flowers and leave me sappy messages on my voicemail because you want to. Because it makes you happy to think I’m happy and not because you’re afraid I’ll be upset if you don’t. Simple as that.
“So, what about Saturday?”
“Pro,” I said.
“Saturday it is.”
And I definitely fell for the wrong guy. I got a “thanks for thinking about me but I’m going to the game with customers tonight” email. Ugh. I wasn’t expecting to feel quite so unspecial.
Yeah I fell for the wrong guy myself. Haven’t heard from him in almost 3 weeks. Valentine’s #8 alone, and I’m not a Valentine’s kinda girl, but sometimes you just wonder, don’t you?
Good luck on Saturday
Excellent Valentine’s Day news. (If you’re posting in the “now,” that is.)
I wanted to thank you (and your other readers) for sharing their cancer stories over the past few days. I laughed, I cried, I remembered things I had almost forgotten.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
In Japan – the roles are reversed.
The women give the chocolate to the men…
And I had to laugh, I was in a bar last night and a girl asked me if everyone in America decides to get married on Feb 14…the way she said it – it was as if it was a stapled belief she had always carried with her about western culture…
Girl….you crack me up! I must say the same thing happened to me this week and i too have a date on Saturday. good luck to you! let us know how it goes!
I’ve had a few friends whine to me about being alone on Valentine’s Day. (Not that you’re whining. Just as a point here.)
I tell them they’re lucky they don’t live in South Korea. Valentine’s Day in Korea is a three day/three month affair.
Feb 14th, girls buy boys chocolate. Mar 14th, boys buy girls candy. Apr 14th, single people eat jajangmyon “and cry,” as a friend said. (Note: I have yet to find anyone who will admit to doing this, though I HAVE seen ads for it.)
Amongst young Koreans, the 14th of EVERY SINGLE MONTH is some sort of holiday. Kiss day, rose day, diary day… I mean. Really.
I’m with you girl. I want him to WANT to do nice romantic things because he WANTS to. Enjoy Saturday.
I’m always amazed at the girls who get upset over Valentine’s Day…. it’s such a silly holiday.
This year– I’m throwing a par-tay to celebrate my singleness with all my favorite ladies! (par-tay will involve an organization by the name of Passion Parties and plenty of cocktails, too!)
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
You’re adorable! Have a great time tomorrow
My thoughts exactly.
Exactly! Sometimes I hear about women that give a guy an ultimatum about marriage and I think why would you want to be married to someone that you had to coerce?
I’m of the same mind as you, I want a guy to do someting for me because he wants to, not because I asked or because he doesn’t want to make me mad. That’s the only way it means anything to me.
And yes, if this is in preent day terms, Have a great time on Saturday!
oh and I always fall for the wrong guy, it seems.
One of my friends said that her husband came home laughing the other day. He is a teacher and one of his teacher pals had come to him for helf. This guy’s wife had looked at him lovingly that morning and said, “I think we should give each other romantic gifts this year.” Poor guy thought he was screwed because he didn’t know what a romantic gift was and was going around asking his friends.
We all felt sorry for this guy.
That said, the right gifts really are the ones you want to give.
Valentine’s isn’t all it’s cracked up to be anyway! Relationship propaganda.
I remember I once got a martini set, a cactus as a “symbol” of our love, and a card with a scribbled message of how he needed me like a boat needs water. Huh!
The cactus died 4 months later.
Nevertheless, I am a fan of the chocolate.
Hope you had a wonderful singles awareness day!!!
I’m not much for V-day either, having been single for a long time, but it’s always nice to meet a guy willing to acknowledge it.
Happy Valentine’s!
And though this may seem random, I think your blog is the single best thing to strike the Internet. I’m a photographer so I can blog images as substitutes for words…but, you…well, you take words and create photographs. Which makes me insanely jealous, yet incredibly happy to follow your life.
Hope Saturday is everything you want it to be and more.
j*
Great post. I wish more people thought this way about such an overrated holiday. It means so much less if there is obligation involved. I enjoyed reading this.
Fish Let me just say your blog is great, you are as well.
I don’t care for Valentines day, I celebrate 2/14 the way my culture does it Dia del Amor y Amistad!
Day of love and friendship. Its a day we go around giving hugs and kisses to our friends and family and we celebrate w/ parties where we drink lots of wine and great spicy food!
Have fun this Saturday!!!
Yeah!!! Have a great Saturday!!!
My husband had a class last night, and the best part of V-Day is making the cards for our kids to hand out in class, anyway. Right now he’s on the internet, looking for a new microwave for us. Now THAT is love,lol!
I’m SO not a big V-day person. I too have had many years of nothing, sometimes while actually dating someone. Now, I could care less & actually laugh at the people who bend over backwards out of obligation or guilt.
This year I happen to be seeing someone. I told him it was not a big deal, and I’d kill him if he dropped any amount of cash on any of that proverbial crap.
He didn’t. What he did do is give me some glassware I’d been looking for (extra points for paying attention), and a funny card thanking me for all I do for him. Best V-day I’ve ever had.
Have a GREAT Saturday!
Ohhhh!!!!! What are you going to wear Saturday night? Please -do tell!
Grins actually do extend from ear to ear!
HIlarious. Lucky him.
And lucky you in the sense that he was so open/honest about where he was coming from. I think a lot of women (myself included in certain past relationships
) put a lot on Valentine’s Day, because the sentiment isn’t there the rest of the year. So…if a guy can step up his game on that one day (plus maybe your birthday and Christmas), then your relationship is great and all is well. Right? Righhhhht. Here’s hoping he is/was romantic the rest of the time…or at least made you feel special.
i teach high school… the world of expectations and entitlement… generally among students but not so much yesterday. i walked into the computer lab between my room and another teacher’s room. she was in there and asked me if i’d gotten a valentine’s present yet. i said yes, my husband gave me a really sweet card and a box of my very favorite candies and i was excited to get home because we had plans to order in pizza, drink beer, catch up on project runway and watch survivor. she asked if i wanted to know what she got. (WHAT does one say to that question?) she got speakers for her ipod, which she told me about while rolling her eyes, a $200 gift card to a spa and then said she BETTER get flowers delivered while she was at work or else she was not going to speak to her husband (they’ve been married ten months) for the rest of the night.
i so wanted to punch her but that isn’t an appropriate way to show your frustration when 20 15-year-old students are looking at you.
UGH.
So you got over what’s his name? pretty fast. Good for you! Have fun on Saturday
The sad thing is, I actually like Valentine’s Day! I love all the sweets, the flowers, the teddy bears, and romantic (albeit cheesy) cards! I’ve just never had anyone shower me with that kind of attention:(
One girl in my office actually asked her boyfriend if he kept the receipt to her gift! Can you believe that? AND she was complaining b/c he isn’t very romantic. This coming from the girl who had “flowers for no reason” sitting on her desk a few months ago.
So see, some of us actually do enjoy this holiday, and we’re not bitter, we’re hopeful.
i’m not a huge fan of how v-day makes people feel, and i’ve had a bf on it more often than not. i’ve gotten into the habit of sending my friends these gorgeous boxes of chocolate that are all sequined and girlied up and can easily become jewelry boxes after the chocolates have vanished. i also went old school this year and bought those tear-off-and-fold valentines that we used to give out in elementary school. i got the Barbie ones and sent them to my friends with the chocolates telling them how awesome i think they are. why should only girls in relationships get to feel appreciated on the 14th?
I love this side of you, hope you have a blast.
Now have a girl crush on one of your commenters – Jasmine, accidentally clicked on her name and man am I inspired! I was looking for that so big thanks to both you!
Part of me wanted to protest Valentine’s day this year…but then I realized how silly it would be.
So instead I got silly kiddy valentine’s cards for everyone I work with, a box of sweethearts(God love those silly candies), and enjoyed the flowers, candies, and edible floral arrangements of my coworkers.
To make the day even better, my BFF dropped off a chocolate rose and a silly kiddy valentine card for me in the morning which was on my desk when I got to work!
I then got to come home to a sweet card from my son with his handprints and a love poem on it, you just have to love Kindergarten!
I can’t imagine a more wonderful Valentine’s Day.
I’ve spent a handful single and a handful in a relationship(included a fair amount of years engaged) and I think this was one of the best ever because I didn’t let it get to me!
I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day, but this year’s was low-key and really nice.
A bottle of wine and a few hours of real conversation. Funny how kids can make those things especially rare.
Oh, I so agree with you! I hate the idea of somebody trying to anticipate what I want in a relationship. Because if you don’t want it too, it’s futile.
Like on my b’day, when everyone goes ‘what do you want’, I tell them if you can’t think what I’d want, I don’t want anything at all.
Basically, I totally relate to what you’re saying!
Personally, I love Valentines Day. My daughter and I delivered 30 jars of homemade jelly to our friends, neighbors, and widows who we know. We had a ball.
As for the romance of it all, well that doesn’t play into it for me these days. The guy I’m ‘seeing’ didn’t even call me this year, but I was so absorbed in my other plans that I didn’t notice. Once upon a time I was proposed to on Valentines day… it seems contrived at the time and ended in divorce. Find your sweet moments where they are naturally, I say.
Just thought I’d let you know that I enjoy your blog and I’ve added you to my blogroll
Yay! He sounds like a good one.
So dish, was it all Corverset and slow-jams?
I didn’t do **** on Valentine’s Day either. Oh well – whatever.
hate to be the lone voice of skepticism, but something just doesn’t seem right about it to me. The vague call, the V-day with friends, the being afraid to do all those mushy V-day rituals with you b/c he’s been hurt in the past…? I don’t know. It kinda sounds like he was lying, but he’s not very good at it, like he was making an excuse for not being with you, on a day, that let’s face it, most women make a big deal out of. I don’t know, couldn’t he have at least stopped by after he went out with his friends, if nothing else just because he knows you like the day. I mean I know you can’t forget the past, but what about giving the new person a fresh start. It seems to me you compromised something you liked, and he didn’t compromise at all.
Maybe it’s because I’ve never gotten anything for Valentine’s Day, and I’ve always wanted it, or maybe it’s because I witnessed a girl’s boyfriend have a dozen roses delivered to her, right before class started in college, that I still believe it’s possible.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting a guy to do all those things if he doesn’t really want to. But there is something wrong with him not doing those things, if that’s what you really want.
Why settle? But I don’t know, maybe I’m just too much of a cynic.
Hope you’re date on Saturday went well!
This post is perfect! It’s exactly my opinion!
Just found your blog and am poking through posts and I just wanted to say that this line:
Because it makes you happy to think I’m happy and not because you’re afraid I’ll be upset if you don’t. Simple as that.
Is one of the hardest, but most desirable qualities to find in someone. Those people really stand out