Embarrassed, I thought somehow I’d managed to have too much to drink. At a wine bar, where the pour is decidedly stingy. But suddenly I was dizzy, hot and all apologies about being such a lightweight. Who gets wasted on a couple glasses of wine? Back at his apartment, he fetched me a pair of his socks and a glass of water, opened the patio doors to make me more comfortable. He lit some candles, and I… made a mad sprint for the bathroom. Where I spent the next hour projectile vomiting.
Thirteen hours later, a nurse plunged a needle into my ass and finally stopped me begging for death. By then, Jamie and my mother looked a little nauseated by suggestion and my adorable doctor looked disappointed that it wasn’t some exotic stomach virus. Only food poisoning. Only.
I know, didn’t I just get food poisoning? Yes, yes I did. I’m pretty proud that this time, I’ve managed to step it up a notch and spew all over a boy’s bathroom at the end of a perfectly good date. So romantic, right?
I did it, of course, to test his mettle. How’s a girl to know what kind of caliber of man she’s dealing with if she doesn’t get violently ill on him? Well, this one drove me the twenty-some miles home and then had to be pushed out my door, because as sweet as it is for him to want to take care of me, I did not need a fella hanging around to listen to the Symphony of Gag coming from my bathroom. Clearly, this one is not easily daunted. In fact, he was brave enough to suggest dinner tonight – a do-over for Saturday’s misadventures in gastroenteritis.
I’m thinking that maybe I should cook. You know, just to be safe.
Give up on food and drink and all thoughts of marriage or sex or anything resembling a normal life and you’re home free.
Oh MAAAAN,that stinks. I know it’s nothing I personally did, but I’m sorry….
Yes, you should cook. Make him that Rachel Ray “You won’t be single for long” pasta in vodka sauce. Sounds like he could be a keeper!
I hope the do-over turns out fabulous!
Ugh, where did you eat? There’s a wine bar in Dallas that I like, and I’m hoping it wasn’t there.
Sorry about your date… I’ve never had food poisoning, but I’ve heard it’s awful. Glad he called again though! Maybe he’s a keeper.
OMG Fish! sorry to laugh but its funny!
lol, but come on if it wasn’t you, wouldn’t you laugh?
I had a similar thing happen to me, I met a boy in a coffee shop we had to share a table it was too crowded, cofee turned to lunch and lunch turned to happy hour, then Happy hour turned to Me puking on the side of the street while he held my purse! ya that was soo cute! turned out I can’t handle shell fish, so it could have been worse you could have been curled up on the curve crying between gasps! try saying good night with your mascara under your eyes and not so nice breath! but he did take me out few more times where no seafood was involved!
Awwwwwwwww! I kno u were sick n al, but awwwwww! He’s sweet!
I knew my husband was a keeper when I pulled a similar stunt on him when we first started dating. Except it wasn’t food poisoning, but an open bar at my company Christmas party. He patiently held my hair back (in the women’s restroom) until our cab came, and he even got me a cool, wet towel to freshen up with. I knew he must really love me if he was willing to wipe vomit off of my face.
Me. I get drunk on two glasses of wine. Except in Italy… ?
You seem to have so many dates…can I ask you where/how you manage to find such nice guys? Online? At bars? Help a sister out!!!
Hey, if a boy wants to stick around and hold my hair while I vomit, that makes him a keeper in my book.
A keeper indeed!
Apple Cider Vinegar. 2 tablespoons in water (or not) wards off all sorts of gastro and mucous..stuff. Seriously. Check it out. I know a gal…in her 80′s now…but as spry as they come. She prefers not to eat in restaurants but when she does, she downs Apple Cider Vinegar before she dines out in the event there’s a nasty salmonella bug or other lurking around. Considering your propensity for running across these buggers, perhaps you should give it a shot. Though, the filter test of the “keeper or not” may have to be adyusted accordingly.
Can’t wait to hear about the do-over.
Food poisoning is a solid date test strategy, aside from the whole suffering thing. I discovered that one boyfriend wasn’t nearly the gentleman I’d hoped for when he watched them give me the shot in the butt and chose that moment to comment on my my bright blue underwear. Classy guy.
I hope you’re feeling better!
You’ll be better off eating in than eating out anyway. Heh…especially if you can (get him to) do both.
poor thing! that is not good luck.
Thank goodness Central Market isn’t too far from you – it’s a good incentive for cooking at home. I miss that place oh-so-much!
hope you’re feeling better.
tee hee. that happened to me once, but it was (like others have said) entirely the booze. unfortunately … he might not have been able to get out of my way in time. oops.
wow, i say he’s worth another date, i mean, he did volunteer to help you as you were imitating Old Faithful.
i can’t wait to hear about your date when you cook for him!
So, I was dating a guy late in 2006, who whisked me away to London for New Years after we had been dating for about three weeks. We were having a jolly good time, until Aunt Flo came to visit (unexpectedly, and with a vengeance), and brought with her gastrological distress unlike any I have ever known. While I curled up in our big hotel bed watching My Fair Lady and wishing myself dead, he went to the Harrod’s pharmacy (expensive, but also the only one open) and came back with a big bag of pepto, snacks, ginger ale, and various types of feminine hygiene products (he muttered “I didn’t know what you use . . .”). I thought for sure that I would never see him again after our flight touched down at JFK – because really, who wants to date the barfy girl? But . . .
Fast forward, 14 months . . . and we’re planning our wedding
oh, poor you. food poisoning is no fun – but awesome that you are having a do-over!! keep us posted!
He is a keeper?
Does he have a brother?
i attest to the two table spoons of apple cider vinegar – as a corporate flight attendant – we constantly eat things we shouldn’t in 3rd world countries and this has worked time and time again
and..yeah – sounds like a keeper
wow fish, def. make him dinner.. better to be safe than sorry….again.
awww. hope take two involves less impromptu internal decorating.
That is the saddest, funniest thing EVER!
Lo siento, dear…
one of my bestest friends has a similar story: on the first date she got food poisining and spent 6 hours hurling in his bathroom
they are now married with a 1 year old son
(not to mention a fab “how we met and fell in love” story)
hope you’re feeling better!
Oh this brought back memories…Nine years ago, I was out with this guy I had been dating. We went to a Superbowl Party at his friends parents house. I had been sick that week with the flu, but thought I had recovered, or at least dopped up on enough medicine that day to survive. We had just sat down to eat, when I suddently looked at my guy and pleaded..”We have to go…NOW” We barely made it out the front door when I threw up in his parents yard. I was beyond mortified!! My guy was nice enough to go back inside and get me a paper towel to wipe my face and hands and then promptly took me home. Seven years later, my guy became my husband
Apparently even I can make vomiting look hot 
just don’t make chicken… o.O
Anyone else seeing a pattern here?…Early or first date + wretching + kind, considerate caretaker = future marriage? LOL
When I was 19 years old I went to a Valentine’s Day party with a lovely girl on our second date. I then proceeded to drink to much and vomit on her. So, I guess what I am saying is, at least you had food poisoning and you are not just an idiot.
I’ve been there as well. Its so much fun at 3am in the morning and you find yourself leaving multiple offerings because you had to have the chicken ‘n dumplings prepared with the dirty utensils. Lets just say I never went back to that restaurant.
He sounds like a keeper! Hope you feel better!
the night i met the love of my life i puked all over his bathroom. definitely a shining moment. obviously there’s more to the story, but that was 2 years ago and in 45 days we’ll be married.
I am so jealous. I told you my sob story when you were Dying Alone on the Bathmat back in December. Can’t wait to hear about the do-over! I am loving the real-time dating stories
See if he’ll clean the cat puke (or litter box). Then you’ll really know.
Mmmm. Bless your heart- and his for being a sweetheart about your helpless state.
skipping out on Valentine’s day, in my book is a big minus, but taking care of someone when they are sick, and not just sick, but a condition as disgusting and smelly as vomitting–now that can cover a multitude of faults. this one seems to be a keeper!
It sounds like everyone’s got one of these stories (mine is one of my favorite posts!), but its all about the reaction that can give the not so pretty picture in the toilet bowl a silver lining.
Best of luck, and as I’ve also had food poisoning twice in three years, I’m adopting the Apple Cider Vinegar rule into my restaurant routine!
geessh, everyone – - settle down with this “sounds like a keeper” stuff. Fish, he sounds like a GENTLEMAN!
Awww, man! That sucks…but I’m glad he was sweet about it. If he picked the place for your date, he probably feels TERRIBLE!
Just wondering… I nursed my beloved back from near-death – also food poisoning – and didn’t flinch through *his* barfing, farting, bad breath, the list goes on. Do women get “keeper” status for tending him?
Hope you’re feeling better & had a nice 2nd date.
Some of these comments were a real surprise. Who knew that copious and unexpected dropping your cookies was the 21st century equivalent to dropping your hankie?
You always go all over the place with your stories, never any continuation or follow-ups from the guys you mention.
I understand that this is your blog, but it’s also under ivillage, and I think it’s not too far out to expect stories to be a little more fluid, and not just random snapshots from the past.
You’re obviously not paying attention, because this one is current.
But iVillage or not, I’ll write how I want to write and the choice is yours to read. Your expectations are not a concern of mine.
I think you should not eat out anymore! Isn’t this the 4th time you have had food posioning? I too have had it several times but I stear clear of Taco Ding Ding now.
Stories like this remind me of Charlotte and Harry on SATC…their wedding and their case of tandem food poisoning after their big schmancy romantic night out on the town.
Heck, my car got towed on my first date with the guy I’m currently seeing!
And to reiterate the previous dozens of comments, this one definitely sounds like a keeper
Oh, Fish, I’m so sorry! This story actually sounds painfully familiar…
I got violently ill at the apartment of a guy I really liked, about one month after we had started seeing one another. After three very uncomfortable trips to his bathroom (a room located all too mortifyingly close to the living room of his tiny one bedroom NYC apartment…) he helped me into bed, brought me many glasses of water and put a trash can conveniently next to the bed. He also stayed awake until I fell asleep to make sure I wouldn’t have to be sick alone, never once batting an eyelash in the process. Fortunately I slept through the night without incident.
Fast forward 2 years–we’re married now
He has many wonderful qualities, but high among them is his ability to give care as well as he gets it. Not all men can handle that situation gracefully.
I’ve stumbled upon you and am grateful. There are significant parallels I have discovered while going through your archives (I hope you don’t mind).
I can only say thank you and please continue.
You are abruptly poetic and unexpectedly hilarious and I am questioned regularly about the laughing-tears and red face.
Hey Fish, ironic that this is your name here, because Fish is exactly what I vomited all over a date..and all over downtown Boston about 3 1/2 years ago. The date then turned into a boyfriend, who I kept for 4 years. Good Guy, BUT we broke up on Christmas Day becuase he is too scared to get married.
Sad I know.
Thanks for reminding me though, about what a good guy he is/was, and that although it didn’t work out, there are decent guys out there. And they stick around in crises ( or food-poisioning episodes)..they show their character, and this is why we love them back.
I hope to find another one who can stick it out, this time for the long haul.
Stop fishing, this one sounds like a keeper!
Scott…you are so right. “Gentleman” indeed. Really, wouldn’t all of us “ladies” return the favor? So let’s assume that he has a vast assortment of other qualities which elevate him to “keeper” status along with being a gentleman!
Sounds like you have a sensitive stomache. The guy sounds like a nice one… let’s stay tuned to how this progresses. Take it easy on the adult beverages for a few days and let your system recover.
Any guy that can deal with chunks is a KEEPER!
oh
my
gosh!
i love love love your stories. sorry you weren’t feeling well. but he sounds like a keeper…at least for a little while
I have a new theory – there are many fish in the sea; keep fishing til you find a keeper.
That’s a keeper.
You actually had food poisoning AGAIN? And right after a great date? Ouch! Make it up to him by going out with him again and not falling ill this time!
aaaaaaaaaaw! ..he is a keeper!
How to find the right man 101….;)
Sounds like a keeper to me.
I recently went on a date, and it was just terrible. I had 3 drinks in that evening… and I went to go outside with him and I spewed up right infront of him. I didn’t make it to the bathroom… I dont know what happened, one minute I was fine… and the next BAM, it hit me! Suddenly felt really dizzy and ill. Must have been the mixture of what I had to eat, and the wine during dinner didnt agree with me… and then the fresh air!!!