My coworker Josh just caught me snoozing at the coffee machine. I was so close to actual sleep (eyes closed, swaying slightly) that had he not grabbed my shoulder, I’d have tipped right over and found myself in certain java disaster. And if you think a few measly third degree burns would have woken me up, you’d be wrong. Not this morning, boy howdy. It’s cold and dark, we’re receiving a fresh new coat of freezing rain, and I’d kick puppies to be back under the down comforter listening to the symphonic range of the Boy’s snoring. And you know how much I like puppies.
Oh, man, speaking of tipping and certain disaster. On Thursday night, I managed to slip getting in to the shower, bang the hell out of my shin, and then tumble forward, smacking my forehead on the hot water knob. It was terrifying. By the time the Boy arrived thirty minutes later I was simultaneously jelly-kneed and frantic, which I think takes some real emotional agility. Seriously, I’m the only thirty-year-old (okay, the only non-geriatric) I know who needs to wear a Life Alert 2000 at all times. In fact, I’m hoping to get one for Christmas. The watch version. Depending on who’s on the other end of my emergency beacon, it could be a pretty kick ass deal. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! Oh, and could you please bring me some Chubby Hubby? It’d be like having a Mr. Belvedere with EMT skillz.
I realize this is all very random, but considering that other possible topics for today included, Sweet Baby J, There Was So Much Traffic Coming Home from the Airport Yesterday and Casserole: the World’s Most Perfect Food, I think we can all agree that near death experiences (while naked!) are the cream o’ that crop.
Oh! Here’s something fun! If you live in the Dallas area, pick up a copy of this Sunday’s Dallas Morning News. I had the pleasure of answering some questions for the My Town feature (Life/Travel section) and the interview will run on December 28. Apparently, last week’s interview was with some dude from The Ticket. I like to think that the proximity to an actual household name makes me just a little bit awesome by association. And that between that and my new Life Alert watch, I’m going to be the coolest kid in nonslip houseslippers.
Now, let’s get the story that involves casserole, nudity and near death experiences (I’ve got a couple) and I think it’s time to start shopping around for a book deal.
Did you get a concussion? Sounds like a mild one to me. I hope you’re not sporting a bit old bruise for Christmas!
You make me laugh. =)
Slipping is your middle name lately! BE CAREFUL. I was much more accident prone when younger… a friend in college gave me a shirt that read “an accident waiting to happen” on it.
It was just fog and rain up here in the northern ‘burbs of Plano. But it was a miserable dark day… only consolation was it was above freezing. Merry Christmas Fish!
I think that article was so fun to read while stoned. In fact I think you were probabaly stoned when you wrote it. I hope we win next week against The Eagles!
A Happy and a Merry to you and the Boy. A reference to a previous post of both of you attending a shower – Make sure when you tie the knot it doesn’t become ‘Big Fat Greek Wedding’ – some people don’t understanding what it means to spit at the feet of the bride and groom. Here’s a Bush joke for a Holiday party – How do you know Laura Bush’s favorite position is on top? ‘Cause W can only F— up. Keep your distance from Crawford if you post this.
A Happy and a Merry to you and the Boy. A reference to a previous post of both of you attending a shower – Make sure when you tie the knot it doesn’t become ‘Big Fat Greek Wedding’ – some people don’t understanding what it means to spit at the feet of the bride and groom. Here’s a Bush joke for a Holiday party – How do you know Laura Bush’s favorite position is on top? ‘Cause W can only F— up. Keep your distance from Crawford if you post this.
would you post the article for those of us not privileged to live in Dallas near you?
Yikes, glad you emerged relatively unscathed! Since I can be a bit clutzy at time, I’ve been kind of paranoid about slipping since I had foot surgery a few months ago.
Congrats on the Dallas news interview, publicity is always a good thing!
LOVE the subject reference to the Mr. B theme song!! Hope you’re feeling ok
Great article! Just read it on dallasnews.com
so glad you’re okay! Don’t you hate it when things like that happen? Reminds me of the SATC episode where Miranda started to choke on her food and had to give herself the Heimlich. Scary stuff!