“I’m still here. Snoring.”
“I know.”
It’s rare to catch a moment together in the morning. Ordinarily, I’m up for a jog before 5:30 and out the door by 7:00 – at least a full hour before his feet hit the floor – and so our routine consists of a kiss on the cheek, some mumbles above love you and good days. But he was up, I was up and we were having couples therapy at the bathroom counter.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know,” I said, running a finger over the seam of his shirt. “I just feel kinda sick.”
After a bad dream, it seems to take me a while to compose myself. And I was having one of those not composed moments. I’d just dreamed that the Dork Lord confessed he didn’t love me anymore, that he hadn’t for a long time, and that I was – what was the word Nightmare Boyfriend used? Oh, yes. Complicit. I was complicit in his not loving me.
“You said you were tired of my insecurities,” I said. “Only, you said it with an impediment, like a little kid would.Totally bizarre.”
“We both know that if anyone feels insecure right now, it’s me.”
I nodded. It was true. Despite the money problems that plague us, I had been riding a nice little tailwind of confidence lately. Meanwhile, he was taking a beating from work and school.
“But that doesn’t make me love you any less.”
I grabbed a Q-tip from the container on the counter and wet it with my tongue.
“Baby, on the list of things that suck about my life…”
Mid mascara-swab, I smiled before he even finished. I do delight in being the top of his List of Things to Love.
“…you’re at LEAST number three.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I’m what? Wait. Number three before or after the dog?”
“Um… well, let’s not talk about this anymore.”
He grinned, smacked me on the tush and headed down the stairs. I finished my mascara clean up and thought, “Whatever. I totally suck less than the dog.”
too cute *sigh*
Oh! That’s the best type of conversation! My own Dork Lord says “I’m pulling your pigtails” when he teases me and tries to wind me up.
I’m so thrilled for you!
Oh man. I just laughed so hard I couldn’t breath. Moments like those are what make relationships.
Awesome…
awesome… awesome… 
Com’on! You know you’re his number one!
Ugh, aren’t relationship nightmares the WORST? You know it’s irrational but you just can’t help feeling mad/sick/sad!
I once had a dream I caught my boy making out with Jillian Barberie…three nights in a row. I woke up each morning with varying degrees of fury. He wasn’t cheating, obviously, but we live in LA, and you never know. So I’ve since banned the “five freebies” game, even though I continually revise my list in my head (Isabella Rosselini is thankfully not on his or mine).
Stupid Jillian.
How freaking adorable is THAT? Answer: very.
)
Awesome to hear people actually taking about things rather than bottling and holding against each other later.
Your relationship sounds awesome. Really. Good luck with that. A man who would rather spend money on tuning up a sports car than buying you an engagement ring?! Wow. You picked a winner. Really.
Awwwww!! That’s nice – pigtail-pulling is fun to read about (although more fun to experience)!
((((“Jennifer”, That is a totally rude comment to Heather. If you don’t like the blog – please go elsewhere (see the little red “X” in the top right corner – click it)!!! She’s a great person and the Dork Lord totally loves her ring or no ring (yet)! Life happens! ugggghhhh….mean people! Please don’t try to steal someone else’s sunshine…..Could it be that you are in a ‘perfect’ relationship and it’s unneccesary you read this blog anymore? So, “Good luck with that”…The rest of us love Heather and we appreciate her honesty because we are all living the ‘real deal’ relationships or some are living the single life..Either way, we all CHOOSE to read.)))))
Heather..Sorry, I know you have your big girl panties on but I felt the need to defend you because that really made me growl….However, your post made me laugh out loud. It totally reminds me of my own bathroom conversations some mornings. He tortures me some days! You totally ‘gotta suck less than the dog’….ha
Thanks for making me smile…
Jen
Really, Jennifer?
Referring to the last published comment I see: am I just that tired, or is there another cold, bitter person in the crowd, again!?
I love it! I’m pretty sure I’ve had the same conversation with my guy, lol.
Unfortunately, I can empathize with the crummy relationship dreams. The latest involve me waking up on the morning of the wedding without having finished the planning! :-/
Oh, and Jennifer: Seriously? Can you even read? Having to replace a transmission is not a “tune-up”; it’s what you do so you can get to work and back every morning. Get real.
Relationship nightmares? Hahaha!
And I know that guys aren’t allowed to use the c-word in mixed company, so Jennifer can just know that if it were only her and I alone she’d hear it straight to her face. He was getting his car fixed, you nitwit.
I’ve met this guy, he’s a standup fella, and if he can put up with Heather, hell, he might be up for sainthood.
Kiiiiiidddddding. Sounds like things are rolling along smoothly, good to hear it.
Jennifer doesn’t know from transmissions,etc. Her preferred method of transportation is a broom.
I’m pretty sure I’ve commented before, but probably under some ridiculous screen name. Nice to meet you, Heather.
Also, this really rang a bell because one of my funniest relationship stories with my now husband is how, about a year into our relationship, I woke up one morning, rolled over, started to cry, and then punched him in the side. He woke, up, hurt and confused by my tears, and I started screaming about him for cheating on me. In my dream. Once we finished our “Who’s on First” routine, it was hilarious (and still is). Those dreams are hard to shake off in the morning, but make for good laughs later.
My first thought after reading the title of this post and the part where you said you feel sick was “OMG! Heather’s pregnant!”… good thing I finished reading the post. Cute story!
And Barbara E- your comment made me laugh out loud.
Two things: 1) I wanna slap Jennifer. 2) Teasing boyfriends can be so funny. I had a zit on my forehead; it went away and ANOTHER took up residence right next to the location of the first one. In trying to “make me feel better about my zits,” my boyfriend said to me, “you know the elephant man? That’s how it started…” We laughed so hard, and every time I think about it I laugh. Add to it that he’s French and said it all in French…tres hilarious.
Boys, boys! Love this.
Hey Jennifer, I like how you’re so quick to pick on other people’s personal lives. You must be very secure with yours. Where is YOUR blog in which you open up to total strangers and willingly subject yourself to criticism in the name of giving people something interesting to read and relate to? I’d love to read about your amazing life.
Your comment is totally uncalled for. And nasty. Go away.
Heather, I think its obvious you rule. Nevermind the haters. I have dreams like that sometimes, too. My husband thinks I’m insane. A couple times I have woken up and I’m actually crying. Totally normal..right?
Oh, TOTALLY normal. When the Dork Lord cheated on me in (dream) summer camp, I was devastated. Inconsolable. Nevermind we’d never been to summer camp. But whatever.
Heather
Ugh, nightmares totally suck. Sometimes I wake up screaming and it isn’t fun to wake up alone. But it’s awesome that the DL knew to leave you with a laugh on his way out. You were right when you wrote all those years ago that laughter is the thinking girl’s aphrodisiac. When you post about intimate little interactions like these, it warms my heart and fills my soul with hope that I might find such a great guy one day.
Too funny, I just had a relationship nightmare the other day too. We had such a nice day awake, that my brain freaked & made this up.
I knew it was fake the whole dream too. What was I doing in my parent’s attic.
*Cheers* to Friday!