The Dork Lord and I have finally gotten around to investigating this wacky Mad Men show you are all so fond of. And, naturally, we are now so fond of it, too. So fond, in fact, that I stayed up way past my bed time two nights in a row during Daylight Savings Terror Week, subsequently sleeping right through my morning workouts. Only for you, Don Draper. Only for you. Oh, and also you, Joan. Because, I won’t lie. You’re a total effing knock out.
During one of the first episodes, Draper describes how people feel – or how they think they’re supposed to feel – when they’re in love. Can’t eat, can’t sleep. Borderline misery. And I started thinking about how I felt all of those things… right up until I fell in love.
“It was actually the opposite for me,” I told the Dork Lord. He nodded. “I slept. I ate. I mean, obviously, I ate.“
He started to comment, but back pedaled. I thought it wise. Later he’d trip up and say something about the chocolate wrapper den I’d made for myself. But right then, he was playing it safe.
“I just felt really calm.”
Which is not to say I never felt fireworks or butterflies. I did, and do. Real Love is full of delicious surprises, even in the middle of all the sameness. But the pining and the agony and the suffering for love baloney? I miss it all about as much as I miss my junior high gym class. But tell that to my twenty-five-year-old self. No way. She lived for that shit. Mad, mad love. I bet, though, if you told her Real Love makes the bed every single morning while you’re at work, she’d buy in. She was foolish but not a total idiot.
I’ll take the peaceful love over the sick-to-the-stomach infatuation any day. The peaceful kind is sustainable; it’s tough to function during the other kind.
I agree – at the beginning of dating Dizzle, I thought it probably wasn’t real because I didn’t experience any of the new dating anxiety. I smiled when I thought about him, but I never had that dramatic, nail-biting, is-he-going-to-call-me-and-if-so-when kind of crap. It was just easy, and I had never had that before. But after the boys I had been through, I was glad to finally have a man. That’s the difference.
Just so you know, it’s this type of entry that makes people love you so. As I was reading, I found myself vigorously nodding my head, saying yes, yes yes! My last long term relationship, I was CRAZY in love, and I was kind of crazy. And I thought that I was just that way. But when the guy I’m with now (known for a year, and been with for about 9 months) said to me, in the course of a conversation, “You’re just so laid back and easy going,” I realized it was true. I wasn’t crazy. I’d been made crazy by a crazy relationship, and crazy immature feelings. Now, I’m comfortable, at peace, and in love.
Although I’d totally go gay for Joan. Holy hell that woman is hot.
While I’m not currently feelin’ so “lucky in love”, I am so excited that you’ve found “Mad Men”!
Love, love, LOVE that show!
I completely agree that when it’s “right” that you feel a sense of calmness. When I’m with my husband I get this feeling in my stomach that I like to call “sleeping butterflies”. It’s when I feel the most complete and comfortable and super happy. I would never ever trade that for the crazy love.
perfect. i always thought real love was like finding your favorites shoes were new again, pleasently surprising, and making you smile, yet also soothing.
Hmm. I aspire to get out of the Mad Love lifestyle someday… Real Love sounds pretty great.
I had the full-on, can’t eat, can’t sleep style of infatuation, but it only lasted until we started dating. Once were were actually in a relationship, it just felt comfortable.
I loooove Mad Men. (Don Draper is yummyyy!)
Comfortable, relaxing, just-being-yourself love is the BEST kind of love. I am now 26, but just a few years ago I thought that the drama was a necessary part of being in a relationship. Now I realize that being content and happy is just how it’s supposed to be. When your soul is content around the other person, then you know you’ve found the one.
OMG I LOVE Don Draper! Please don’t tell my husband I said that but sometimes I wish that my husband had a bit more of Mr Draper’s subtle finesse. You know what else I love about that show? The way your perspective shifts just a little bit every few episodes. I found myself making judgments about a character, only to have that impression change completely by about halfway through the first season. In fact, I couldn’t finish watching Season 3 because Season 4 isn’t out yet and, this way, I stop watching on my terms, not because there are no new episodes to watch.
Hi, My name is Mrs House and I’m addicted to Mad Men!
I hated, HATED Mad Love. It is ineffably awful. The games, the agonizing, the highs and lows.
My favorite part of Real Love? When you glance at him across a crowded room and you get butterflies and that warm wash of ooey-gooey all over again. Knowing that you love him more – rather than less, as time progresses. And not worrying that, if he doesn’t call, he’s gone forever.
The best feeling in the world.
Ells’ sentence “I wasn’t crazy. I’d been made crazy by a crazy relationship, and crazy immature feelings” totally hit me like a brick. I behaved crazy in past relationships and have always put the responsibility solely on myself for the craziness. As a result, I have not been in a relationship for a very long time because of being afraid of becoming crazy again. Wow. I can’t even express the impact of this, of the realization it was the unhealthy, “crazy” person and me trying to work with the unhealthiness although not understanding it was unhealthy. Wow. Thanks for the new perception of self.
I’m a long time reader and this post made me so happy — to see how far you’ve come and how happy you are. Once again, your writing reaffirms how I’m feeling in this very moment. I was once all about the mad love too but now, I see how much nicer sane love is. Hooray for sanity!
I love this post. It really hit home. I didn’t know that there could be anything but ‘mad love’ until my current relationship. Now, I can’t tell you how comfortable and EASY love is. It’s like your favorite pair of jeans, the ones that fit great AND make you look good. Thank you for my smile this morning.
so f-ing true
I ate that drama up. It was disgusting.
WHo is this “Joan” that you and Ellis speak of??
I was lucky enough to find Mad Men right from the 1st episode and haven’t missed one yet. Agree totally that Joan rocks on all counts. Must be a red head thing….
Ohhhh! so I have been introduced to Joan – oooo la la!! Eye candy!
Real love cleans the house while you are at work (first day of a new job no less). Screw wine and roses, I’ll take clean dishes and a walked dog!
I love this post. Simple. Straight. Right on.
Love isn’t just a man who’ll put the dishes in the dishwasher. Love is unloading the dishwasher.
miss + smooches
A book I recently read described the difference between “falling in love” and “growing to love”. Falling in love is something you have no control over; those butterflies are infatuation and it never lasts. Growing to love is different – its calm and quiet and deliberate. I think we all yearn for that falling feeling, but its the growing that makes a relationship last.
Susan, what is the name of that book? I know soooo many people who could use that wake-up call!
ah, the sane love…what is it about the drama that’s supposed to be so addictive? Just entering my own first phase of actual straightforward lovin’–it’s so amazing. I have to say, though–hot as Joan may be, I don’t know if she does anything but the mad love. and we all know draper doesn’t have it in him…mad man and all that he is. sigh–for him I might dip in the insane pool a bit again.