I came home from work last night, walked down my swept hall, through my tidy kitchen, dropping bills and my purse on the clean table. I went into my room, sat in the middle of my perfectly-made bed, and cried, for no good reason at all.
Mostly because I felt like a complete mess.
S had thought I needed honesty. And so, over a glass of wine, offered a few tidbits.
Tidbit #1
S: You know what your problem is?
H: *whimper* Fire away.
S: You’re too fucking polite, Miss Texas.
H: See, and here I was under the delusion that ‘polite’ was a good thing.
Tidbit #2
S: I’ll be honest. When I first met you, I thought you were… Well, let’s just say that I didn’t think you were as smart as you are.
H: Because of how I look?
S: It was very small minded of me, I know. But yes.
I walked home from the bar, brooding. Until Trip called.
Trip had thought I needed endorphines. He picked me up and took me to the gym, where I set the treadmill on a eight-minute mile and ran my guts out. I got some endorphines, and on the way home, some groceries. And then I went back to the house and cried. Until the RSF called.
The RSF had thought I needed down time and some THC. I don’t smoke much anymore. Especially not during the week. But as it seems to work more like Tylenol PM on steroids, I figured, it should do the trick. RSF provided some green goodness, a gift from his latest travels — Ghiradelli chocolates — and a listening ear. I went back home, full of milk chocolate and kindness, crawled into bed and cried some more.
I didn’t need honesty, endorphines or chocolate. Or maybe I did. But I still feel like a needy, mushy mess. I’d go back to bed and cry some more, if I thought it would accomplish anything. Instead, I’m going to make my bed, dry my hair and go contribute to the Gross National Product.
Mostly because I don’t know what else to do.
Sometimes what you need to do is have a good cry.
I have been feeling this way lately, too. I think it’s this weather. It gets a girl down.
Hang in there. Crying it all out is hella lot better than holding it in.
crying for no reason ain’t all that bad. it’s when you think there is a reason, but don’t know what it is, when things get hard.
it is the weather, for sure, and think of it like this: a good cry will warm you up!? anyway, i know you say you don’t need honesty, but maybe it is that you are not getting enough honesty, or maybe not even the right kind. i think you are sooo fun, that i added you to my link list as fish!!! with exclaimation points b/c you are lots of fun!
*hug*
I’ve been doing that a lot lately. *hugs*
Weather’s bad all over. I know how you feel.
hey, just wanted to tell you that i really like your writing. sorry to hear you had a tough day, hope tomorrow is surpringly awesome. because that’s the best kind.